Posted

Aug 11th 2009

Mood

I’m sorry I write so many journals but it’s been a very difficult month for me art-wise. I’ve been having a problem getting motivated to color any of my stuff. I’ve drawn a couple pictures but I just don’t feel like trying to clean them up and color them. I kinda feel like there’s no point to doing anything, so I don’t try.

It’s been getting better in recent days, but it’s still bothering me that we’re already11 days into this month and I haven’t done squat. Instead I’ve been playing a lot of video games and worrying about money problems.

I have ideas that I want to do, too. I have the plot for a 2-part Pirate story all worked out in my head. I just can’t seem to feel motivated to draw it. The only free time I have to draw these days is at work, and that’s proved to be a little complicated. I have free time at home to work on my stuff, but whenever I go on the computer I end up online surfing GameTrailers and YouTube and getting into flame wars over really petty stuff (like A Link to the Past being better than Ocarina of Time).

There are a lot of things going on right now and I just get more and more depressed the more I think about them. I desperately need a new computer because I can tell mine is just slowly dying away (which is probably why I don’t work on any of my art on it anymore). I need to take my cat for a vet checkup, and I need to take my car in for servicing, but money is not there. I would like to work on commissions but I haven’t done one honestly in almost a year and half now. I have an animation for a friend that I can’t sit down and work on (probably for the same reason as my art). There’s the potential that we’ll be moving unexpectedly or not at all. If we do move it will be twice as far away from my family than I already am. I’ve been thinking about going back to college to get my masters degree. I’m trying to stay on a diet which excludes everything delicious in the world (such as meat and fatty foods).

But in the end there just doesn’t seem to be enough time or money to accomplish anything. So I write journals... because that’s easy to do and it shows that I’m still here. I hope I don’t piss people off with my almost daily postings...