Posted

Apr 27th 2009

Mood

Carefree

I tried to wean myself off these character memes, but given that we're half-way through Xx, I figured I could do one without revealing too much. That said, keep your ears open~
Here's Roxanne "Calamity" DeLaney, speaking out in an exclusive interview...

1. Hi! What's your real name and nickname?
"My full name is Abigail Roxanne DeLaney. Y'all prob'ly know me as Calamity. I have a few other names, but... Most of 'em aren't too flattering."


2. Interesting... what's your current age?
"One quarter century, or twenty-five, whichever comes first. Hahahah!"


3. Uh huh. What's your favourite food?
"Whiskey's a food, right?"


4. And your favourite drink?
"Well, I'm inclined to say whiskey, but I do enjoy the odd bit of Engine Oil every now and again. I'm not supposed to, technically, what with the court order and all, but hey? Who's gunna argue with a loaded index fuckin' finger?"


5. Confession time! Who's your crush/lover?
"Eloise Darod. Uh, you prob'ly know her as Silver Comet? Damn, I must have been some kind of special to land a catch like that. Aaaaaaw hell yeah."


6. Aww! Have you two kissed yet?
"Kissed? You're kidding me, right? The shit we do's outlawed in twenty-seven states, including, might I add, Texas.


7. Classic question! What's your favourite colour?
"Man, all colours look the fuckin' same to me. I dunno, eggshell. Eloise's always goin' on about eggshell."


8. Who's your favourite author?
"Don't say shit like that-- y'all know readin's for pussies and boarding school students."


9. Now what's your biggest fear?
"A life of sobriety. Also, boats."


10. *stifles a giggle* I'm not laughing *bursts out laughing* Sorry. Any siblings?
"I'm sorry, are you fuckin' laughing at me? 'Cause, I was assured that this would be a Hollywood-style interview, where you fellate my every word. I didn't come here to be laughed at, okay?"

"My older brother's named Zeke. Nice guy-- good Jew. Pride of the fuckin' family, he is."


11. Awesome. Who's your hero?
"I'm the only fuckin' hero around here. It says so on my job license. Well, technically 'Optihuman: Class VILLAIN.' Still, that's as good as a hero to the unwashed masses, right?"



12. Ok, who is your worst enemy?
"Legally? Evangeline.
Outside work? Evangeline."


13. What would you do if your hero and your worst enemy got together?
"Check it out for yourself, Monday through Thursday afternoons at five, Saturday at eight, and twice on Sunday morning. Tickets go fast for prime seating. Pay me extra and I'll even go by the script!"


14. Interesting... what would you do if you met your creator?
"I don't reckon Yaweh's too pleased with me, really. Bacon and lesbo sex and swearing and drinking and driving cars on Saturday. You know how it is."


15. Okay, I'll contact them right now. Done! Now, what do you want to be when you grow up?
"Anything but a fuckin' street preformer.
OH, WAIT."


16. What's your worst nightmare?
"Then one where I'm running after terrorists, shootin' 'em, and then my bullets jam in my fingers and explode and I die. Or the one on a boat, whatever."

17. What's your lifelong dream?
"To live in a penthouse in Vegas, drive in the desert every day, go to the opera twice a week, get blasted on mescaline, and never, ever, ever have to work Sundays ever again."


18. What would you do if your lifelong dream came true?
"Dude, are you even fuckin' listening to me?"


19. Ok, where's your favorite place to relax?
"Anywhere with a bottle, preferably in the company of a certain stone-fuckin-cold African fox. Panther? Fox."


20. Last question! What do you spend most of your time doing?
"Drinking, shootin' things, working, fucking. In that order, sadly. Are we done, here? I've got a lunch date with Jack. Make sure Vince doesn't get ahold of that little soundbite, wouldja? Thanks, kid. Roxanne out."