Posted

Feb 4th 2009

Mood

Claustrophobic

Music

Ellegarden

New Account: katnik.sheezyart.com

Okay, I'll admit it, I've been procrastinating again. I haven't wanted to write this journal. Don't read too deeply into that statement--I don't have any lingering nostalgia and I'm not second guessing myself--I just hate writing journals. I always feel like I have to explain myself and then I end up rambling.

In any case, I'm one of those unfortunate souls who tends to think too much. I've always said the thing I love most about the internet is it's ability to grow and evolve, and ours--as human beings--to grow and evolve with it. I think the personas we assume online are much more honest about who we really are because we don't have to look anyone in the eye and have so much less to lose. But the problem with personas is that they're two-dimensional; they follow a set of behavioral rules and over time become static. They start to feel like chains.

A year ago when I signed up for SA, I'd already more or less grown out of the username 'denryu', but I didn't yet know where I was going or even where I WANTED to be going. I joined the site because the best of my online buddies had forsaken DA completely and that just wouldn't do at all, as far as I was concerned.

A year later, she's changed her mind and the identity 'Denryu'has become stifling. Artistically, everything was starting to stagnate. I hit a plateau --head first--and I had to decide just what SheezyArt meant to me without the excuse 'because Aaya is here.'

At first, I thought I would drop this site like a bad habit, but that just didn't feel right. I'm not a prolific artist, so I've never been all that active, but in the end there's something (some unknown and unfathomable ...thing...) here that I didn't want to let go of yet. But as for being 'Denryu' of that, I was positive, I'd had enough. I sat on that feeling for a while, let it fester...and when it didn't go away I created a new account. For consistency's sake, I wanted to make it something that could be abbreviated down to 'KT' while still being an entity unto itself (not just a clone of my DA account) and so, 'katnik' was born. I think (and hope) I'll be able to free myself of a lot of old, useless garbage this way.

So to make an incredibly long and boring story short, this is now officially a dead account. I won't update it or check it anymore. Those of you who still want to watch me, UPDATE TO: http://katnik.sheezyart.com