Posted

Mar 26th 2008

Mood

Naughty

Music

Massive Attack - Teardrops

and I finally managed to get the fuck thrown out of the psychiatry!

[high fives himself]

Now that was something.
What can I say..

I just couldn't stand it anymore, I got sick of the people's faces, of the walls, the smell of hospital, the everlasting days of nothing and more nothing. I told them the day before I was getting a cliniccollapse and that it was time for me to leave.. I was just searching for an alternative still.. ehh but silly me just couldn't wait.
Prepared my bed in a silly way, left a note of: BRB.
and got the fuck out over night.
Walked through the streets, snowy btw, and eventually ended up on some warm air ventilator thingy near some garage. slept thair.
lol. was fun. My wrists are cut randomly, supposely I was about to implode because my head was on strike so this did the trick.
Silly.

So how is me now?
2 months later I am different. In a weird abstract and surreal way.
I don't strive for the same things, I became more realistic I became more mature, yet I'll always remain the silly crazy dreamer that I've been. I would die without longing for things of huge extends. I want it, I need it, and so I'll get it.

I'm getting thairr.
Aware of my potential I do have new motivation and new lifetricks disguised in what I like to call myself.

I am one person now. Still pretty full of weird creatures and thoughts but atleast It's all mine and it's all me.

V and I are forever apart, I got over it better than expected, because here I am, still alive.
Sadly my love turned into pure hate and I had to hit that right in her face, to make the goodbye easier for me, and it worked.
We'll never talk to eachother again. It's probably better that way.

I have a new girlfriend. She's 30. and we get along superb.
We have the same kind of thinking and some same problems. and we're doing great at lying around randomly doing nothing specific, and it still feels great. I like her.

My old friends are all banned from my life. I'll build up a new cycle of dudes and dudettes to hang around with.
In order to stay clean aswell, because that went way easier than expected too. and I'm glad. had to stop, and it did.

I don't know how I'll continue yet. I'm not completely sane, not completely cured, not completely ready. But I'll have to kick my ass and get going. It's time to live.
No clue wheither to continue skool or just pull my own business off, they say I'm clever enough for both.. but I'm unsure.

Nontheless I do have more self confidence now and It's all going straight up up to the top.


I'll make art and animations again.
I'm feeling mixed towards everything atm. I'm rather confused and lost at this very moment, I only wanted to clear some things up for those interested. so there you go.

Thanks if you cared enough to read through all of it, don't be afraid to comment if you have any thoughts, no more.
I'm open and less aggressive towards it all.
Do as you like.. I for my part, will from now on.