Posted

Jan 5th 2008

Mood

Blank

Over the past few days some information has been passed to me that a certain someone is passing around false allegations about my disappearance, and for the true reason to why Yanov and I are no longer together. Feeling that these rumors are going to badly damage what little reputation I have left, I feel I will make one final journal entry extracting facts from fiction.


Firstly if I wanted, I could make this journal a list of trailed of insults because a person I once trusted deeply feels they must slander my name by speaking behind my back with no evidence of their claims, but I like to think I can overcome such childish, High school like tactics.

I am going to simply go through a list of what I have been up to and why I have no made an appearance in a long time, as well to why my gallery is no longer functioning.

I want to state that over the summer I went through a very harsh mental break down. I had become so deeply depressed I was nearly admitted into a mental institution for therapy after a few attempts to harm myself. I was very clouded in my decisions and had an event where I completely shattered my sanity in front of a family member. I was on medication for some time to deal with the violent mood swings and depression, but have slipped away from them and am recovering nicely.

In August I began my fist real year of schooling, and though they are online classes from Westwood College, it does not make them any less difficult. My first classes had such a strong hold over my life because mostly they were training me to be a better student. Functioning time and setting goals, so that I may be more prepared when stricter classes begin.

I have been out of school for 3 years and it was a lot to grasp, but I will like to say after my second term which involved a hell of a lot of drawing and more papers then I can count, I am holding a 3.7 average and have made the Dean’s list. If I must, I have a certificate to prove it.

Now when I began school I also began changing a lot of things in my life. I detached myself greatly from the computer and began to read far more then I once had. My reading level is not average, in fact I have a rather low reading ability though I can read fast, and I have trouble collecting information. I did a bit of self training to change this. I have devoured 2 book series in the past few months and several single novels. I forgot how much I enjoyed curling up and thumbing through pages.

But stating this I would like to share why I have not been on messengers and what not. I do not use the computer as much as I use to. I have pushed to stay away from the internet after my breakdown; I realized that most of my social interaction came from a screen.

I will admit I do play WoW. It’s not a lie. In fact I am reading some of the book series now so I can grasp the lore better. But a game is not the reason Yanov and I detached from one another, not as has been stated. We lost touch. This is what I believe. He changed from the person I had once desired and I know I have changed greatly. Overall there was not enough support in such a relationship and I have found long distance is very hard to hold onto when you have such unstable emotions. Also, a relationship that involves using the computer is very hard to hold when one of the parents is trying to stay away from such a device. I could be quite angry at him for some of the things I know he has said, but I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he is allowed to be angry since I was the one to decide on our break up.

Now to debunk something else that I know is being passed around. I am not in a relationship. I am single in a manner of speaking and hold an interest in a person who has been a long friend I met back in CCRO. I will not give his name because it will be rude of me to do such, but he lives quite close to me and this is helpful. We have met, but are not holding a relationship for the time being because I do not desire one.

My schooling is first for foremost right now. I will be returning to my classes Monday and will be trying to budget time for an extra class then I am use to. I am nervous but rather excited because I am now past learning gaming concepts and will begin to touch the design parts.

Finally; To all that think I have avoided them I will say I have not meant to, and I miss you very much. I will be trying to return to some of my messengers but make no promises quite yet. I am hoping by this summer to begin a comic by the title “Death becomes Her” and will be using my gallery to upload the character sketches and so on. Until then I bid you farewell and hope this helps.

Also if you intend to make rude comments to this journal I will say I would not waste your time, I have no intentions on reading them.