Posted

Jan 1st 2008

Mood

Blank

Happpy New Years to you all!

I realized something weird, everyone says Year, and I say Years, I never realized that most people don't add an s, I guess it makes sense without

My Resolutions
1. Find out who Christina really is (yes I refer to myself by name)
2. Be More Outgoing.
3. Make more friends.
4. Become a better artist.
5. Loose weight. (but my mom keeps bugging me about my weight being to high recently so that gives me the opposite effect making me not feel like loosing weight because I hate the way she brings it up, its greatly discourages me)
6. Become a better person
7. Get a job (unless my mom tells me I need one, again that would discourage me in wanting to get one)
8. To feel completely excepted somewhere


I don't believe I have any actual resolutions, I have I guess you could say goals, but most of them will take longer than being in 2008 most likely

Overall Goals for whenever X3:
1. Become a much better artist X3
2. Become a better photographer
3. Become a Voice Actress
4. Become an Actress
5. Become More Outgoing
6. Do something to amaze many
7. Be a dog groomer for awhile
8. Feel completely accepted
9. Find out what I enjoy doing
10. Find Myself

I suppose I could add more, but I can't think of anything at zee moment


Read if your bored, and possibly care enough about me to read, it has nothing to really do with New Years
---------------
I don't really know who I am, but it doesn't depress me like it might others. But I don't really know what I truely like to do, I have plenty of things I can do but I don't feel I truely love those things, and if they're only mainly accepted by friends I feel very questionate about them.
(I know it should be enough, but to me it just isn't, no matter how hard I try to think of it as just enough, it can never be something I can overpass)

I'm also stuck inside myself I guess you could say, When you meet me I'm pretty much the most shyest person around, I am very unopinionated, I rarely know what to say back to someone (and it has nothing to do with shyness, and it makes me appear even more shy), and I am afraid to state my opinions or any type of reply I may have I usually neglect in saying it.
Online I'm more outgoing in my speech, for instance, saying this outloud wouldn't happen. But I also still have the lack of opinion thing going for me.

Inside, I jsut feels there's something inside me, that could be considered opposite of how I act in front of everyone, and it never comes out.
I wish I could say random things, and joke around with people, its comes out so easily for everyone else, but me.... I don't know why I can't, why I'm afraid.... it actually makes me angry at myself.... not depressed just severly angry, and this anger is bottled up inside because of myself.

In front of my animals, I am very outgoing when I speak, but I don't think anyone would want to be talked to like I do my animals

Its so hard to explain the feelings correctly.
So because of my shyness I just make myself believe no one cares, which helps me tune out my emotions, and it actually is weird because if I didn't tune out my emotions I'd be depressed, and I hated being depressed and after I was through I promised myself to never end up that way again. I guess I fake happiness to myself now which helps a lot...

Thats defineently not worded the right way, but I think its close enough.

Gosh I'm done I'm stopping myself from typing anymore X________X