- Posted
- Nov 22nd 2007
- Mood
- Tearful
Today, at 2am, my grandmother passed away.
Last night, dad called me right after I arrived at 9pm and told me she had gotten worse.
He asked if my uncle could drive me there, but when I called mom(she was with him) they didn't answer. So I was unable to go, and I had this feeling something would happen.
I managed to fall asleep, though I got teary before I did.
When I woke up, she was the first thing that came to my mind. I was thinking "Be strong, I know you can make it". I really hoped she could somehow get better.
When I went to work, I kept thinking about it. It just didn't go away. It was as if deep in my mind I knew what was going to happen.
I came back here, and after a few hours, mom told me she needed to talk with me. We discussed about some money issues, and then she suddenly stopped talking.
Right then, dad called. He asked how my day was, and then he told me.
I was surprised I didn't cry. I guess I have been through so much that I am kind of numb. Though now it has been more than an hour, and it is sinking in. I can feel my eyes getting teary already.
It doesn't help that I found a picture of her right now.
This is one of the few clear shots I got of her; she hated cameras.
Fuck, I wish I could have been around her more.
It really sucks when you try to do things another day because you think they will be always there waiting for you.
Not that it was intentional; it was hard to go there by myself. But still, I feel somehow it is my fault.
I hate this feeling.
I wish I could have done more for her.
But I am glad I managed to see her one more time.
I guess this was better for her than staying alive, unable to move and in pain.
Still, it hurts.
Rest in peace, grandma.
=(
Abstract Says:
I can understand how you feel - these things are never easy.
MegaraPhoto Says:
I coudnlt cry when my grandmother died...Because of all the emotions that were stuffed in before...But then, at the funerals, i saw my brothers starting crying...and i never ever seen them show me their "soft heart" feelings...So my heart exploded of sadness, for them mostly, and i cant stand loved ones sadness...It was such a relief for my heart to throw away everything it had inside of it...
And you should free everything's inside you, because now she can watch over you and your familly, she can thank you for the hapiness you gave her all.
Your grandmother is free of pain now
Talk to me if you wish, i cant make exactly a long comment because i dont want to enter in some detaisl you woudnlt want to hear of or i dunno..
But take care, and im there for you.
You musnt regret anything, because everything that could have been done, may it have been by you or doctors, have been done.
The past now cant be changed, so move forward through the hapiness your grandmother would wish for you, and leave regrets and guiltyness behind you.
2kool4skool Says:
Oh man. I'm really sorry about that...I know what you're talking about. My grandfather died on his birthday, just a few days after Thanksgiving. The 'anniversary' of his death is coming up. It's hard to deal with death, but you will see your grandmother again (if you believe in that). Just keep your head high and don't look back. That's what I did. It will work for you, trust me.
Grape juice Says:
Merina Says:
I know how it is to lose somebody. (I lost my father from esophagus cancer / lymph node cancer, spread to more places in his body, he did euthanasia though. It was hard to see him go worse, so I think death might has been his release)
When I read your other journal, I saw this situation coming.
I'm really sorry.
Perhaps your mind needs some time to rest now. And you might cry later.
Whatever emotions you have. Just let them go. And if you want to talk i'll be here. Even though I'm quite a stranger to you.
You might feel guilty about things. But as you stated, it wasn't intentional. Perhaps it's better to feel sorry instead of feeling guilty. Because guilt will hurt you deep within. Just think she would have forgiven you. I'm sure she was a great person. I'm not too sure if there's something about life after death, but i've experienced some strange things that made me think about my faher again. Perhaps you will see her again.
I wish you all the strength you need.
vampire Miyu Says:
I'm really sorry for you
LadyPhoenix Says:
oh no...
I'm so sorry to hear that...
*hug*
I didnt know your granny, but I'm sure she was a very nice person and that she can now rest in peace. Sometimes its better for a person to die than suffer for weeks, months or years with no end in sight. I wish you all the peace you need to say good bye to her, I hope you can take your time to do so.
gothgirl666 Says: