Posted

Nov 1st 2007

Mood

Bad

People would refer to Halloween as a fun time for kids to dress up, go trick or treating while teens dress up and get drunk at 'spooky' parties.

As for me I'm going to write up a diary of my awful day to bring misery and despair into your lives.

3:00am - Came home after surviving another attempted murder on my life by a guy in a Hockey mask. Only had two bruises from running away this time. HOORAH!

3:20am - Got hungry, ate all the treats that were suppose to be for the trick or treaters. Oh well, I'll give them my collection of rotted jack-o-lanterns I kept over the years. They'll love that.

3:30am - While trying to brush teeth I accidentally locked myself in my own bathroom again. Bugger! I collapsed on the floor and went to sleep.

10:24am - Woke up with a really upset stomach. It must of been all of those sweets I ate last night. How convenient that I slept next to the toilet.
Much to my horror I found out that the door wasn't locked at all but in fact I was trying to open it the wrong way. Bugger!

10:50am - Found out that the sweets were really laxative tablets. Not my fault I couldn't see in the dark.

11:05am - Tried to get some fresh air after the whole ordeal but suddenly passed out due to dizziness.

4:12pm - Woke up in what seems to be a church. I was welcomed by the shocked faces of what appears to be monks. It was later explained to me that they're really ritualists who get together and praise the devil by sacrificing a dead corpse and mistaken my unconscious body for one.
I don't really know how that can work. Usually you have to sacrifice a live body. But still, it's all an honest mistake.
We all laughed it off and let me out. They also offered me this nice cake. All part of their Pagan cake sale next week apparently.



6:20pm - After finding my way back into town, (Got lost in the haunted woods), I'd thought I'll get myself some tea. The usual tea house I came into had the Halloween theme going, plastic bats on the ceiling, spider webs, witches plastered on the walls and to top it off a hilarious novelty eyeball staring at me from my tea.

6:21pm - Found out the novelty eyeball was actually the owners glass eyeball. It fell while he was making my tea. He also asked me if I seen his finger, by then I already finished eating my teacake so of course I couldn't say.

7:00pm - Noticed kids going out trick or treating early. I noticed one kid with a giant pair of scissors cutting up and stabbing other children. It's great how imaginative kids are with their costumes!

7:15pm - Got home. My Dad said that I had a visitor waiting for me in the lounge. I found out it was the same guy with the hockey mask who tried to kill me last night.
He came to my house demanding the return of his machete.
I told him again and again that I don't even have it but I can tell he wasn't convinced when he tried to stab me with knitting needles he found in his mother's purse.

8:05pm - After a massive scuffle I gave him a nice kitchen knife and convinced him that it would make a great substitute for the machete. We said our goodbyes and he left. Besides the violence he's really a nice chap.



8:45pm - Kids come round trick or treating. I gave them the sweets and the left me. Usual boring routine.

9:25pm - Passed out in pure exhaustion after today. Funny enough I slept in the bathroom again.

11:00pm - Woke up to the sound of the phone ringing. I got tons of calls from parents. It appears their kids instantly fell sick after eating some of the sweets I gave out.
As I checked in my inventory it turns out I actually gave them laxative tablets instead of sweets. Who leaves these things lying about?



11:20pm - As I sat down on this chair a surge of pain shot up. Someone mislay their machete on my chair, how careless!

12:16am - Halloween is over in England and I'm typing this journal while having a machete stuck in my back. It's very uncomfortable.

12:17 am - Found out I'm bleeding badly. Oh dear...