Posted

Sep 29th 2007

Mood

Hurt

Yah, Pretz, this one's ALL about you.

I guess it's about time I tell you guys what happened @ AWA.

So, yah AWA this year was not fun for me at all..I regretted going actually, which has never happened before. Obviously, things did not go well with my g/f. Before the convention I told her I didn't really want to go, but she said she wanted to see people there, including me. I stupidly got excited about it, and I thought it was gonna be great, we could've had one last fun thing together as a couple before talking about breaking up(since the Online thing was just really hard on us) and she wouldn't be coming back to Georgia.

So basically this is what happened, she ignored me most of the time, hung out with the person I hate the most (and she knows it), and just acted really weird in general. The first time she saw me she had no reaction, after not seeing me or talking to me in months (not including the one time we talked online the week before).

She was also *supposed* to stay with me n' my friends friday night, and saturday was supposed to be just for the two of us. Friday night she ended up staying with one of our friends, even though I told her I had a hotel room and we had talked about it before, she just gave me some lame excuse like "i didn't know you actually got a room". But w/e so then comes Saturday night, the night she knows is supposed to be just for the two of us, then out pops "Oh, I'm staying with them (her other friends) tonight." At that point I didn't really know what to think, I was so upset that when she hugged me I just pushed her away. I told her I had no one else to stay with me and she just said that she had said "maybe" I'll stay with you (and no she didn't say that the night b4 -__-) and she didn't have money, so I just told her she could stay anyways..I know I sounded so desperate, 'cuz I'm just that stupid.

I ended up just going to my car and crying my eye's out, which I guess through all that I missed her phone calls to me where she said "I'm sorry, come find me."

Well I didn't really wanna stay at AWA anymore after that so I checked out of my hotel but I wanted to talk to her before I left, but unfortunatly I couldn't find her till much later on. At that point I was just really upset and pissed off 'cuz she told me to go find her but didn't even mention where she was...so when I finally spotted her (a couple of hours later with my group of friends that she barely knows > >') I dragged her out of the group and was like "what the hell is your problem" (I was mad 'cuz she goes and tells me to find her but gives me no clue as to where she is -__-'), but the first words that came out of her mouth were "I can't deal with you right now." I was so confused and upset, so I slapped her ( a fully well deserved slap and she knows it), I surprised myself though..I've never slapped anyone before, and I thought if I ever did it would just be like a pat but it totally wasn't > >'

After that she just said she couldn't deal with me now, again, and said we'd talk about it online, basically implying she didn't want to see me for the rest of the time she'd be here. I kept saying that we needed to talk but she kept walking away from me...

Well by then I knew the relationship was over. I broke it off with her Monday night, it was painful but it had to be done. I couldn't stand being hurt by her again and again and always being treated like shit even though she knew how I felt about her.
She led me on, making me think she'd be happy to see me...it makes me feel so stupid 'cuz I got SO excited..I even stayed up till 5a.m. the night before the con cleaning up my room to look nice for her ('cuz she was supposed to come home with me Sunday night), I was thinking about all these things we could do together during and after the convention so we could have alot of fun one last time and have no regrets...but sadly it didn't work out that way at all.

I've been so upset by all this, I keep thinking about her before I go to bed and when I first wake up in the morning too. I haven't been to school all week, and now I'm sick with a high fever...

This was my longest relationship I've ever had, nearly 2 years...I was head over heels in love with her, stupidly...
She's probably never going to find anyone who loves her as much as I did, and who can put up with her bs as much as I did.
Sad thing is, I can probably say the same thing about myself...she used to love me alot, she said she even cried when she read the note I gave her asking her out (she's liked me ever since like..the 10th grade, and I asked her out in 12th)...

Sorry, this ended up being alot longer then I intended and even then it wasn't everything, I guess I talk too much or something v__v. Pretz I hope you read this too so you know how I feel, its gonna take awhile to get over you...

Thanks goes out to anyone who actually reads all this.
-Heartbroken Kimiko ;.;

p.s. I'll try not to let this get in the way of my art! ^^'..

On another note I want to try out SA's new thumbnail feature, hopefully it works, so I guess I'll just post what's related to this journal, Pretz-related art in my gallery, for people to have a closer look into what we used to have together I guess ^^' (I'll do oldest to newest)

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' by Kimiko chan">

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Yah, I only added in the marquee feature so the journal wouldn't take up more space on my page.