- Posted
- May 30th 2007
Ugh Ugh Ugh
I'm sorry dolls but these past weeks haven't been groovy.
I'm getting more and more depressed and the stress is overwhelming me
Hopefully it will go away when exams finish on the 14th of June
You don't really have to put up with the emo part so stop here if you really don't care
Right now I just hate myself so much
I just let everyone step all over me at school and when I do stupid things I just lie and smile and laugh it off. I'm really beginning to hate myself more and more by the day. It feels like I'm trapped within my own body.
I cant tell people what I feel and I just keep hiding behind lies
I feel so disgusting because the only time I can tell people what I really feel is when I'm online. I cant express myself at all and I just feel like hitting myself.
I feel like I don't really fit in with anyone and even though I say I don't care whether people like me or not but I find myself starving for people to talk to me. No one is like me or has the same interests. There may be a few but unlike many of my friends online there's no one who I can talk to about anything.
I might just explode tomorrow if anyone fucks with me. I swear I think some people in my school should just die.
I guess I just really want someone to talk to about anything and everything. I have another year of this.
I give up with the smiles.
I give up with the apologies.
I give up with my stupidity.
From now on Ashley will Give up with the self-promoting lies.
Living in this nonexistence of mine
I'm fed up with the lies you spoon feed me
Maybe when I find one of my kind
Maybe if I'm lucky Maybe if I just let me be
yes sucky mini poem but still
No don't worry I'm not gonna commit suicide I just dont want to stay in my school, house, or country anymore. I'm just fed up with it all...
Why cant they let me be?
I'm pretty sure the root stem of my stress and agony is exams and that all the other things are just piling up on top of me and making me feel like this.
I'm pretty much finished with my Art so I'm probably gonna work hard on SOMETHING.....
Maybe redo this pen doodle I did in Literature today that I based on Shunpei-sama's style
Hope I didn't bum you out too bad
8days till exams
15 days till Summer break
26 days till Report Card
Love
Aishi♥
Hideto Love Says:
summer! ;o; I want summer. and... gee whiz @o@ Don't talk about people dying and school... people might think you're serious >__< after the whole virgina thing. and we had a shooting just recently so... wah
Grape juice Says:
Yay last day of school!!
much love to you.
I can't wait to graduate :3
As for you honey...just keep your chin up. I KNOW it's hard, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear that because I truly don't know anything about your stress but...when you keep going, it's worth it in the end.
Try not to explode...but don't let them walk all over you.
Davion Says:
I know how you feel. If you ever need some one to talk to, I'm here for you.
Always Tuesday Says:
ehhh, i'm not gonna lie.
i've definitely felt like that before.
one thing for you NOT to do: stop caring.
really, by the sounds of it, that seems to be what you plan to do, to some extent.
'coz then you'll turn out like me.
and i'm really not very friendly, or much of a people person anymore.
and i'm really hateful and hurt my friends a lot.
i don't even notice.
basically, you develop...
PERSONALITY DISORDERS. D':
the only thing i can honestly say is to wait it out, maybe write down posotives of your day, everyday, until the problem sort of subsides.
but hay.
i'm no therapist.
do what you think is best for yourself, 'kay? C:
Jumi Says:
There are a lot of people out there who care about you
lol
Don't worry, one day everything will just come together...and you'll realize that all these people giving you shit aren't worth your time 
I'm sure you know that.
The best thing about all of this..is the fact that you're not lying to yourself.
A lot of people try to cover up......but it's a good thing that you acknowledge what you honestly feel. That way...change is more likely to occur
Best luck with everything (especially exams)
take care.
Core Belote Says:
Exams are a stressful period for everyone, and it always seems that around that time things start to pile up to make it even more stressfull. Don't let yourself get too down, I know exactly how you feel for a lot of things. When I was in school it was only my last few years of highschool that I met some people that shared the same intrests as me and that I could hang out with from day to day. Then graduation happened, and since I was the oldest of the group I was the first to part, and slowly I found myself like I was before I met them. No one to talk to in person about the things that intrest me, and the only outlet that I have is online talking with friends that I have made.
Even with all the friends that I have online, I still like the one-on-one, face-to-face communication and contact with others that share my intrests. Without it I feel depressed and like I am about to explode, and I end up covering it up by just smiling and pretending that everything is alright. If the stress does get too much, then there is always the nice friendly video games that offer a chance to take out your aggression and stress on by either beating up a helpless opponent, going against some heavily armed StormTroopers in a Star Wars Battlefront game. >:3 Trust me, it helps lots to keep from snapping at peoples.
Wish I could come visit you, even if only contact we have had is through these posts here on SA, but you seem like a nice person. Also there is a little plot that I have to at the least visit everyone that I consider a friend at least once. xD Problem is that they are all spread out over the world, from Mexico to Canada, to England, to Australia, and other places out there over the globe. Need to get everyone into one spot. :3c Then I can pounce and leech your arts skillz - I mean, meets you all. kekekeke~