Posted

May 23rd 2007

Music

Hands Held High by Linkin Park

This is going to be a little hard for me to write so forgive me if I sound weird or something at times. I've been putting this off for almost a week, so I should do it now while I still can.

I have to thank everyone ahead of time who replied to my last journal, everyone who supported me, prayed for my dad, and everyone who said he'd make it through, Thank you all very much. And I'd also like to give a very big thank you to my friends and CrazyPretzel, who was here when I needed her the most, Thank You and E Muja Oui.

May 14, 2007-
Today my Dad had to go into surgery to get his gallbladder removed. The doctors believed thats what was causing his high fever and infections. By the time they removed it, it was completely dead, not that the gallbladder is actually an important organ.
May 15, 2007-
Today the doctors did an x-ray on my father and discovered that there were infections all over his body. He had blood, lung, urine infections, among many other infections that had spread throughout his body. And to top it all off, he has diabetes which doesn't make anything better.

~May 16, 2007~
Today my Aunt and Uncle came to our house in the morning. They told me he didn't make it and had died a couple hours before.

He was only 50 years old, he wasn't even old enough to be a grandfather yet. He wasn't even old enough to retire from his job, get a new and bigger house like him and my mom wanted to, or to even see his daughter (who is graduating this upcoming week), and even me, graduate from college. There were so many things I never even got to say to him while he was alive, like call him dad for the first time. I always imagined that I would call him that when he was really old and on his deathbed, I figured it would be a nice last thing to hear from me. Well, I did call him dad at the funeral, and I held his hand...it was so cold...I remember visiting him the day before the operation and I finally held his hand then too, something I hadn't done in very many years, but it was warm then.

Even on his last day he was trying so hard to pull through, my mom told me he died with a fever of 105.8, which technically isn't even on the human scale anymore (for anyone that doesn't know, the higher your temperature is, the more your body is trying to fight off whatever infections you may have).

There are alot of things I regret...like fighting with him all the time. I guess that saying is true, "You don't realize how precious something is until you lose it." 'Cuz that's exactly true, all I have to say to all my watchers and friends is to not take what you have for granted, 'cuz when its taken away from you it hurts more than anything in the world. It hurts knowing that there were so many things I could have told him, so many things that I wanted to prove to him that I could do, like becoming a successful artist...its just not fair...he was so young...*sighs* he left behind alot of people who love him and will miss him dearly.

I Love You Dad and I miss you...
Rest In Peace,
Your Daughter,
Kristina Ruvinova