Posted

Apr 20th 2007

Mood

Depressed

Music

Lonley Day (SOAD)

this is me right now


I'm venting here because there's less people that watch me here and I'll get less attention for it which is fine for me.
I'm about ready to break down and completely loose my cool I tend to take things on a personal level way too much I worry and worry my life away until now I may have a stomach ulsar... I can't help it though... I feel so freaking useless. friends fight amongst friends, ripping each others hearts out, wile I stand in the middle and watch, I'm not trusted by the people whom I consider friends. to the point I'm accused of being an ENEMY. my god...have you any idea how much that hurts? there's so very little I have to hold on to... so very few things I have that make me happy... I'm desperately clinging to this far few...yet i feel they're slipping away from me and I can do nothing about it because I'm so damned scared of making it worse. I know in my head, I'm told often that theses things will last, but due to recent events I'm still afraid... I don't want to need constant assurance it''l all be ok... I used to be so strong, I just want to feel secure again... confident. but at the same time i don't want to be the old me that needed no friends at all. I just wish i knew how to calm myself and keep my thoughts from building these scenarios where my friends are torn away from me, or turned against me. once those things get in my mind the only thing I can do is cry myself to sleep... it's hard but I think if i can vent this good enough I can calm down... heh. war-chan just needs a hug I thinks... I stress myself out... it's a nasty habit.

to anyone that has actually read this.

don't worry: because worry is wasteful and very harmful to both your mind and body. do what you can, help what you can, be there for your friends,keep them close as friendship theses days seems so fragile. know your doing the right thing, if they don't trust you it's they're own misery. and don't dwell on things you can't change... it'll only hurt you.