Posted

Oct 13th 2006

Mood

Angry

Do you just hate it that you've been trying your best to behave properly and not hurt anyone's feelings and it takes only one word from your tongue to ruin your image and the credits that you're been working hard to compensate your losses?

Things have been getting worse and worse, bad things and bad thoughts just keep piling up one after another.

I don't think anyone likes me anymore. People say that I've not been acting like my age, not that I've been acting too maturly, instead I've been behaving like a toodler who just got his candy, getting over excited over everything, narrow minded and for being such a super busy body. I talk too fast due to my hyper exitability. They say that I'm not thinking in the same direction as them. I hate myself for having a delayed mental growth.

"Friends" say that I have the looks and the body but I don't have the personality. It's like having a female brain in a male body, but for my case it's like a 5 year old brain in a 19 year old body.

I get super excited or super worried over something very small and I am extremely restless. I also can't take in mature and sarcastic jokes that are aiming on me, I'll get very pissed when someone tries to correct my mistakes in front of other people. It's also hard for me to instantly think of the right words to fight back.

The hot girl who sits beside me in class has stopped talking to me, my ex-gang has stopped calling me to join them to work out and for dinner, my seniors also have stopped calling me out for supper or even to chat.

I tried to be cool, I just ignore all the small things and not get over excited over them, I tried to talk only when it's necessary, but my excitability just screw everything up, once I forgot what situation I'm in, my subconscious mind just forgot what I must not do and everything just comes out from my f***ing mouth.

I also have a very thick face, it's extremely hard for me to say sorry.

The only thing I can't control is my speed of speech. I'm trying very hard here and still this problem is always the one that makes me lose my coolness.

I hate myself.