Posted

Aug 7th 2006

Mood

Dejected

Music

"Wasteland" by 10 Years

I sorta was told something by my aunt that opened my eyes. I can see. And it hurts. Really bad. I now know why my dad hated me all those years. Why he hit me and hurt me. Why he worked so hard, and succeeded, on crushing me. Everything I could have been. He crushed it. And he wanted me to die. I already knew I wasn't planned; I was born three years before my parents got married, I was the flower girl at the wedding. When my mom found out she was pregnant with me, my dad got pissed off, and said either she gets an abortion, or he leaves. And my mom (who I now love more then anything, and am extremely grateful for) kicked his ass to the curb, and the day before I was born, he called her wanting back in. Yeah, so maybe this information isn't as earth shattering as I feel it is, but fuck you. This is the answer to everything for me. Can you even comprehend how many times I cried, wondering what in the hell was wrong with me? So I was unwanted by my dick of a father...now I've been turned back into that little girl who was so sweet until it came to her father, then she turned into a hellion full of spite and hatred...yeah...Now I understand why kids who find out they were adopted get so crushed. I feel sick. I dunno, I haven't been eating lately...and I ate earlier today, and it hurt. I haven't been on my medication...my whole body feels like a battle field, broken and helter skelter. I have a picture I drew. I don't feel well anymore...