Posted

May 13th 2006

Mood

Content

Music

Moonlight Shadow - Mike Oldfield & Maggie Reilly

It has been a while since I have actually committed the time to posting a journal entry anywhere, so I suppose I should allot a little time to such an endeavor. In short life seems to be bestowing grand things upon me in a good deal of opulence. I am finding myself to be at further peace with myself and the past issues of my life and have finally come to grips with the fact that I am not a child any more, but that I am an adult and need to move on in a manner that reflects that truth. I have responsibilities I must attend to and take on full-fledged; it is no longer a time at which I can handle life in a flippant manner as I have for too long already. Even though I will end up with straight A's from this semester I know I did not apply myself to the classes, I did not walk away with everything I should have, and it is time for that to stop. From now on I must be more attentive in school, not because someone has told me to, but because I know I need to be. I must treat my job in a more serious nature as well, even though I do not plan for that to be my career I still need to pay it the proper attention it deserves and so I shall. This is not because I hope for a raise or a better position, but because I have not been respecting the fact that I am hired as well as I should. Further more, I now know I must also properly allocate myself to other goals I have in life, treating them with the attention they deserve, whatever form that attention may take.

It is my turn to write my page in the book of life, no one else commands how the pen falls upon the page, only my actions and reactions shall shape my tenure, and I hope they are to be something worth the read when my eyes do finally fall upon the page. Too long now I have let myself believe that others were the drivers of my course, it was never thus, not even when I was little. I have always been sitting at the helm, too long I just let the wheel spin believing that another was turning it. With renewed strength and valiant resolve I once more grab the handles of the wheel and steer my ship back into the current, knowing now the truth, I must chart my course upon the maps. Though night may be my ultimate goal, I pick how I get there, no one else, and that is the truth I have come to see now.