Posted

Jul 25th 2005

Mood

About to EXPLODE!

Music

Stance Punks - No Boy, no Cry

When my grandparents died it was like the end of the world for me, of course I haven't shown my true feelings to anyone, I guess even my Love didn't know how I really felt back then. When they passed away I lost my family, I still have my parents but calling them "parents" sounds like a bad, really sarcastic joke for me. I was raised by my grandparents literally since my birth and I lived with them until I went to high school. But the point is that I hate my parents... They treat me like a parasite or a weed, all they want is to get rid of me from their house as soon as possible and with the lowest possible cost (it's all about the money). This is damn ironic since they lived in my grandparents' house for twelve years after their wedding and no one ever thought about them as parasites... Of course I don't want to live with my so-called parents that long and I would love to move to my own place even today but I need money and in my town I won't find it anymore... there is no future here, this place is already dead! My parents have money but they are greedy. They say that no one ever gave them anything and they had to work for their own house, car and stuff... No one gave them anything because my grandparents weren't rich, they had enough money but only for them to live a normal life and they let my parents live in their house for so many years while wanting nothing in return. Besides... our town was different back then. Finding a job wasn't anything hard and my parents managed to get it really quickly. ...It was them who decided to move to their own apartment from my grandparents' house, no one wanted them to leave...

I'm not a problem child... since I'm rather a lone wolf (or rather a lone panther) I have no friends that would annoy my parents, I don't smoke (my parents do), I am the one that keeps my parents' apartment clean and I feel like a "cleaning lady" or a "chambermaid" (and all the time I hear that I'm not doing anything and I'm loafing around), I have my PC connected to the Internet and I don't really need anything else... and I don't believe in so-called parent-child love anymore since they don't even care about me (I wasn't even hugged by them when I was a child...).

...Sometimes I wish I wasn't born... I'm really pissed off!