Posted

May 28th 2005

Mood

Dead

http://www.livejournal.com/users/halfwolfwriter/6163.html

Haha , soul, like from megaman nt crap...

Usually I wouldn't rant, rush, drink my sorrows and memories, but tonights a special occasion. Tonight is the begining of a buetiful friendshop with the good friend of mine, depression. We've met before, but now we're getting in bed and gonna have a fucking raving time all fucking night long.
What's got me at my worsts with life yet again, besides living and giving up on killing myself becuase I jsut can't do it? The fact that the whole world spins on festering, billowing crap that grows day by day other than your baised greedy dogs.
First off let's tee the people who just fucking hate me for no reason, or who I hate for living, or should I sya the people who are too fucking busy to fucking speak to me alone when they've got all the mother fucking time in the whole damn world to tlak to others, and thinking about it now makes me want to draw my own blood tos ee if this is really the reality you people have gone so accustomed to thrive on, becuase it feels like a nightmarish vision to me.
Then there are the people I thought I know. I shoulda known I had horrible judgement to trust faith in people period since these people will litterealy stab you in the back and replace you for other shit, such as video games, or somefur that can mother fucking draw well. Futhermore it paines me to include not just everyone on my chat and buddy lists, but everyone i know as I look at their face and see what kind of person they are as they speak their first words to me. you guys who think you know obviously don't know how it feels to be truely lonely.
And why, of all the things I swore not to do, did I decide to drink, not achol, but something just as intoxicating? The same reason I quit playing PSO and hoarded all my items Becuase sometimes it's jsut better if I "fucking leave, dude", so I might as well have left the online world for awhile, and the lving world that knows me. I sure as hell wasn;t missed.
But what sickens me the msot out of anything and evetything I've expereicned within' the past week is that everything I thought I knew from respecting the udnerdog at times to standing up for yourself was a god damn lie. Family, Religon, and friendship are all jsut a pile of crap when their is no one by yourside to actually practice these... Faith in what you beelive and what you is suppsoed to be all you need to survive, but then what about when you're ignored?
As I've told someone, when you grow up alone and have no one to talk or cry to, you grow up fast and you expereince pain 1000 fold, but some of you wouldn't releize that until everything you hold dear is taken from you like a giagantic dark shadow looming voer your life, stelaing everything you hold dear to you, everything you could have became, everything...everything you ever wanted in your life...

Sometimes, I wonder if people even give a damn about the sorrows felt by their actions, the pain they give unwillign jsut by a click of a button or the sound passed by their vocal cords...why the fuck did god curse me with the abailty to think so much, evene when I think as bad as this...and be so alone as this...