Posted

May 16th 2005

Mood

ALIVE!

Music

Gorillaz

Original post by soup from rpginfinity.com.
You just gotta love him.
Now tell me, is this you'r typical monday morning or what?

You wake up in the morning and immediately go back to sleep. But of COURSE dad wakes you up 5 minutes later like a persistent snooze button - only you can't exactly fix HIM with a hammer like an alarm clock - so you sigh and get up.

You jump in the shower without letting the water run for a second (it's morning, you aren't thinking) and the cold water that comes out makes you shout like a girl. Before your balls shrivel, you adjust the temperature knob to "hot", but the water gets COLDER. So you turn it MORE. Colder STILL. Then you realize that you were turning it the wrong way. Feeling stupid, you curse yourself loudly and turn the water to a decent temperature. The shower lasts about 10 minutes, at least five of those minutes is spent spacing out and wondering things like your name, why you're up, where you're going, if it's worth being up for, and why you're so wet. The last 5 are either dedicated to cleaning or masturbation, depending on where your priorities are that morning. Both at the same time if you're really efficient.

Time for nutrition. And by nutrition, I mean a well balanced breakfast. And by a well balanced breakfast, I mean two slices of toast and some coffee, which you will either eat, or throw into the blender and then inject directly into a main artery.

You put in some toast, and get some coffee ready. As soon as the coffee starts, the toast pops, and you realize: You didn't set out a plate, knife, OR bring out the butter. Cursing loudly again, and muttering something unintelligible about toast, you fumble to the fridge and get the butter out. It's rock hard. So now that your toast is cold, you get to eat a few bites of total flavorless-ness with one bite of pure butter in the center. After all that, there is your reward: one scalding hot sludge of brown coffee, with sugar to mask the fact that coffee doesn't really taste all that good no matter how you think about it. Yum.

But then, tragedy strikes! You realize it's Monday, and you're kind of due for a shave. So you head back into the bathroom. About halfway through this, your sibling/parent/relative/guy that keeps sleeping on your couch knocks on the door and says to "hurry up". Again, not thinking, you hurry up. And cut yourself multiple times in the process. Now that your face is a bloody mess, you've had your dose of nutrition, and your brain is just starting to reconnect itself to the various neural synapses (synapsi?) you trek outdoors, sans pants.

No tragedy. You go and get your pants. All is well. Now you get to endure an hour long bus ride with small hyperactive children who are so awake you could just strangle them.

So, now on the bus, you use your only refuge from the noise: your precious diskman. Of course, one of the sides doesn't work, so you spend a good 5 minutes wiggling around a little wire like an idiot, trying to find some magic spot that allows for sound in both ears. Now that your hands are precariously placed to allow your songs to play smoothly, the batteries randomly decide to die. Great.

So, now you sit, waiting for a large dead animal carcass to randomly spawn on the road so the bus driver will slam on the breaks causing every god forsaken small child on the bus who isn't properly seated to go flying through the windshield. And with that thought, you spend the rest of the bus ride with a sadistic smile on your face.

Congratulations, you made it through the first two hours of Monday morning.