Unerring Path

Unerring Path

What do I say? What do I do? She is gone, and there%u2019s nothing left for me%u2026

Elysia stood there, her cries cutting deep. What do I say? What do I do? She should not be shedding those tears. I should have protected her mother. The day those vows left my lips%u2026I should have been there!

%u201CDaddy! Make them stop! Mommy%u2026mommy promised to bake me cookies!%u201D

I cringed. But I did not stop them. I stood there, too hurt for tears. I could not do such a thing in front of them. Not Elysia, not Glacier%u2019s family, not even Roy.

The wind blew, the strong scent of roses wafting through the air, the bright thoughts that once brought be joy, now only made my heart ache. I had no choice. I had no life. Nothing was my own anymore. I wanted to go from this place. I wanted to hide, to stay in bed, drink all the whisky my body would allow, and go off into an eternal slumber. I didn%u2019t have that luxury. I had to care for Elysia. I had to make sure that sweet child was cared for, even if that meant moving on with my life, and taking in the very thing I swore to myself that I would never do, to find someone else to aid me through this time%u2026to give me something to live for.

Elysia tugged on my hand. Her pleas for me to stop them turned into cries for me to tell her what was going on. How do I explain that? What could I say? You mother%u2019s dead. You%u2019ll never see her again. You have to be strong. No crying. Death is natural. Live with it.

Simplistic answers to her questions. Easy ways to get out of it. Cold. Cruel, but straightforward. Who wanted to waste time in the sea of longing? It was just as cold, cruel and horrible as the answers that I could have given her. They were dangerous, especially to a seven year old child. She understood it, though, I knew. She didn%u2019t want to, but I knew she did.

%u201CElysia%u2026why don%u2019t we go for some ice cream?%u201D The calm, cool voice of Riza Hawkeye broke into my thoughts.

I knew Elysia looked at me, asking if it was all right. Of course it was, I wouldn%u2019t deny her something like that, especially now. She deserved something to make her happy; she needed something to distract her, and what better way than to taking her to get one of her favorite treats.

%u201CIt%u2019s all right, Maes%u2026you can let her go.%u201D That voice, the silky, strong voice, repressed due to the situation, quiet but firm, caring but cool. Roy%u2026why did he have to say something like that? It wasn%u2019t as if I was /latching/ onto her or anything. It was then I felt strong, gloved hands upon my own, pulling. I was%u2026I was latching onto the last thing I thought I had in my life. What Glacier left me, our beautiful daughter. I couldn%u2019t bear to let her go, even though I knew that she would be safe. Hawkeye would allow no harm to come to her, but I couldn%u2019t do it%u2026

%u2018Don%u2019t make me let her go too!%u2019 My mind screamed, my grip tightened, unintentionally. I had no idea what was going on. My body was acting of its own accord, not allowing any reason to come to light. Reason was the last thing that I sought. I wanted%u2026I wanted her back! Why%u2026why couldn%u2019t I have her?

Let her go%u2026

Watch her be taken as well%u2026

Lose the last thing that has meaning%u2026

%u201CI won%u2019t do it!%u201D The last sentence had not been spoken in my mind%u2026no, that one had escaped my lips before I could stop myself. No%u2026I wouldn%u2019t let her go, watch her be taken, loss the last thing that had meaning to me. But still those strong, but almost delicate hands remained, the touch gentle but sturdy lingered over my grip, still trying to pry me off.

My hands let go. My fingers that had been wrapped around her hand, the one that had grasped my arm as she tried to get my attention, fell away, taking the next thing close by, the gloved hands that had freed Elysia. The familiar cloth I remembered well. The ones that had saved my life, that had taken the life of the Fuhrer%u2026the ones that had not been used in so long.

The cloth I remembered he liked to use%u2026before I met Glacier, before I ended our taboo of a relationship, during our nights together. They were actually pretty smooth, with light, feathery touches. It was when force was exerted that they were much more dangerous. Causing sparks, and even burns when rubbed against bare flesh. %u201CRoy%u2026%u201D

He didn%u2019t say anything. I didn%u2019t want or expect him to. He was there, he was my lifeline now. I knew he hadn%u2019t been back in Central for long, and he probably wouldn%u2019t be here much longer%u2026But%u2026I wouldn%u2019t let him go back. Not until I knew%u2026knew that he would be safe, that he would take care of himself, and that he would come back. I didn%u2019t harbor those feelings so strongly for him anymore, since I was mourning Glacier%u2019s death, but still, I didn%u2019t mind clinging to him as I once had, and he to me.

%u201CTaisa%u2026%u201D Riza%u2019s voice cut through my thoughts again and Roy pulled one of his hands away. I could not see what he was doing, but I knew it had something to do with a salute. He had to, out of respect, didn%u2019t he? No matter what she called him.

The grass rustled beneath their feet, the sound growing more and more distant with each step. They were leaving. And I turned. For the first time since that day, I saw everything so clearly. The bright blue sky, the gorgeous green grass, the retreating backs of Riza and my delightful, dutiful daughter, Elysia%u2026

%u201CMaes%u2026let me take you home.%u201D

I would not protest that idea. I wanted to relax, to see the end of it all. I didn%u2019t want to see her name upon that smooth stone anymore. I didn%u2019t want to smell the colorful roses. I wanted to sleep%u2026%u201DAll right.%u201D

~*~

He stared at the table. Stricken with grief. Gently I placed the china tea cup before him, noting the simplistic design of it, definitely Glacier%u2019s choice. What could I do for him, besides sit there, offer him the chance to express his pain, and wait for Elysia to return?

I couldn%u2019t stay here long. My job up north was calling, my post left empty for now, not even a substitute was available for me to position there until I was able to get back. However, for the current point in time, I was needed here, and I refused to allow myself to leave this man on his own. Not until I knew he was going to be all right.

%u2018I was jealous of her, Maes. She took you from me, and I often wondered what would happen should she have died. Would that leave you, Elysia and I a nice family? No%u2026not with that look on your face. That%u2026mask that you put on when you hurt, that small smile you used to show that you were hurting, but wanted no one to know. I knew you much too well, Hughes.%u2019

%u201CRoy%u2026%u201D

He kept uttering my name, like if he stopped saying it, I would disappear, leave him as well. Never. I could never be gone that long, not even on my posts. I would have to have some contact with him. It wouldn%u2019t be fair should I have left him on his own. %u201CHughes, I%u2019m not going anywhere.%u201D

%u201CI know%u2026%u201D But%u2026did he really? No. He was afraid of anything at the moment, expected. Just as I had been, when I arrived in Central, watching someone flee the scene that night he was shot. I don%u2019t know how he survived. Everyone was equally surprised, and my cauterization of his wounds shouldn%u2019t have made any difference. But I couldn%u2019t say that I wasn%u2019t glad. Of course I was. He was alive, that was all that mattered, all that I wanted.

%u201CRoy, you never told me%u2026how your eye happened. Or that scar.%u201D

My visible brow rose. Scar? Oh%u2026I remembered, I had taken off the blue jacket that had become so hot, leaving the white shirt beneath it. When I rubbed the aching spot, a signal that it was going to rain, you could see it. Faintly, but visible. %u201CIt was from the fight with the Fuhrer. Remember?%u201D

%u201CYes%u2026%u201D

He was losing it. His mind no longer focused on anything other than the day, the loss of his wife. %u201CHughes, maybe you should lie down.%u201D

%u201CBrandy.%u201D

I nodded slowly, going into his liquor cabinet and pulling out the beautiful, unopened bottle, returning to him and his tea, pouring it in to his idea. He shouldn%u2019t have been drinking, but there was no harm in it. But, for once, I was not willing to join him. I had to care for him, be the strong one. %u201CHughes%u2014%u201C

%u201CMaes.%u201D

I grinned. %u201CAll right. Maes. You shouldn%u2019t hold it in. Not even for Elysia. She expects you to cry.%u201D

%u201CAnd you?%u201D

What did it matter if I cried or not? %u201CI didn%u2019t know her as well%u2026%u201D

%u201CShe was still close to you.%u201D

%u201CMaes, she was your wife.%u201D

He remained silent for a moment, probably trying to find a good way to express himself. Fingers wrapped around the delicate cup, the tips of his fingers about the only thing that had room on such a small item, their owner looking down at the ginger colored liquid. %u201CRoy%u2026I used to believe that my life was anything but complicated. An unerring path before me. Now%u2026now I%u2019m lost. I don%u2019t have any idea where to go from here.%u201D

I sat down, a small smile lifting my lips as I watched him, before turning back to the tea in front of me. %u201CMaes, that%u2019s just it.%u201D

He lifted his yellow, green-tinged eyes; I could feel the inquisitive gaze on me. He didn%u2019t have to ask for me to know what he was thinking.

%u201CYou are where you should be. You can%u2019t know where you will go. You can%u2019t expect the answer to come out. You can%u2019t move on so fast. Wallow. Grieve. Weep for your loss. Not because I want you to, or it is what is expected of you, or not even for Glacier. Do it for yourself. Do it because you need to, because you want to, because you must feel.%u201D The words felt strange, flowing off my tongue so easily, quickly. This must have sounded so weird to him as well. But that just proved%u2026I wasn%u2019t the same man I was%u2026before everything changed. I wasn%u2019t always that bastard that annoyed Edward, or the man that everyone thought only cared about a promotion. I had a wise side to me as well.

Maes grinned. I had looked up from my tea, no longer interested in gazing at it, or otherwise. %u201CRoy. Do you realize how%u2026/me/ you sounded?%u201D

I chuckled softly. Yes, it was quite a surprise to me, but, then again, telling him that didn%u2019t help any. I could be proud that it was something I learned from experience. %u201CIt%u2019s true, though, isn%u2019t it?%u201D

%u201CYes, Roy, it is.%u201D

%u201CLook.%u201D I stood, reaching and grabbing his hand in my gloved one, dragging him to his feet. The beautiful sky outside...we stood on the small porch just outside of his door, the scent of rain heavy in the air, the streets and walks darkened with the tear drops of heaven. %u201CShe weeps for you.%u201D

He, himself, allowed a smile, watching the cloudy sky with a glint in his eye, the glint that told me he was beginning to accept it. %u201CYou don%u2019t always have to be the strong one, Maes.%u201D

%u201CI know.%u201D

What else could I say to that? Nothing. We had come to a mutual understanding in it. He knew what I thought, and I knew what was clouding his mind, his concerns, and I redirected them. Sure, I wasn%u2019t the best at it, but that didn%u2019t matter. The only thing that did was the idea that he didn%u2019t have to suffer alone, that I would be his friend through it all, and he would survive. %u201CAnd look, Maes.%u201D

He lifted his brows in question, turning his head towards me, already tilted to the sky as I pointed with a pale, white finger%u2026to a beautiful phenomenon of light, a rainbow, bright as the sun peeked through the clouds dimly. %u201CLook. There is your unerring path.%u201D