|
|
The Fading Gift of Solitude
The day ends as midnight, the evening wind embraces moonlight,
And I begin my silent flight, 'tis not a privilege nor a chore.
I fly in search of solitude, as it sets my nightly mood
Where bitterness dare not intrude, as it had once done before.
But each time I seek peace it becomes much harder than before--
'Til the time peace is no more.
Darkness tells me, "Thou art craven, surely unfit to be a raven,
And, perhaps, too unshaven to be taken gravely evermore."
Seeing that night was 'til the morrow, I felt only piteous sorrow,
For there was no hope I could borrow from the darkness anymore.
Naught could I receive false dreams from the darkness anymore--
Thus my hopes were nevermore.
Terror, terror, nightmare bring. Why, to me, does the darkness sing?
And just by what wrongness do our lives become nothing more
Than an ephemeral dream? By the darkness, it would seem.
And when it's finally concluded, why is it life we cannot restore?
And all of this folly that we cannot dare to ignore,
What is it for?
|
|
Comments
inferno Says:
that's really beautiful :)
keep it up!
Lightbulb Says:
This is an extraordinary piece. It's wonderful to read something that has as much passion and care imbeded into it as this does.
Good job!
Minstrel Ayreon Says:
Wow...I am absolutely stunned by the craftsmanship in this! You even manage a rhyme scheme so much like Poe's and without coming across as hokey.
Before I go any further, I should tell you, you're getting a Masterpiece from me. You tried something really ambitious and pulled it off better than I think I would've had I attempted the same.
But the one thing I might suggest in order to take it further is, if you were seeking to emulate Poe in full, you might want to take a look at the syllables per line as well as the meter. That's what's throwing the rhythm of yours off ever so slightly, at least if you're trying to come as close as you can to "The Raven". If I try to read yours in the same meter, I get something like this, which seems a little strange to my ear:
THE day ENDS as MIDnight, THE eveNING wind EMbracES moonLIGHT
Here you can read a bit more about the meter: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Raven Incidentally, the number of syllables per line in "The Raven" appears to be, for a stanza, 16-15-16-15-15-7. I noticed yours jumping around a bit in comparison.
Again, I am REALLY impressed. The reason I'm going into such depth with the technical stuff is that I can see the level of craftsmanship you've put into this and I can tell you're someone who likes to spend a lot of time with your work. There's a good reason I don't go near this stuff in my own poetry...I'm afraid to try it!
Hats off to you for poetic bravery!
jaina Says:
As Ayreon said, the meter's off, though getting it right's not the easiest thing. Myself, I tend towards a freer version, though at one point I did a tributary to Poe, that master of the macabre and all things good...
Though it could use work, I see not only potential, but talent, and I applaud both. This is beautifully done, and I would love to see more of your literary work sometime. Cheers!