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penance
Beat me.
Tear me to pieces,
let the blood flow like rain.
Fuck me
until I lie, broken and bleeding,
at your feet.
Kill me,
sodomize me with angry words,
why not?
I have already desecrated myself so much
no one would notice.
All the suffering in the world
cannot erase what I have done.
My remorse eats at me like a cancer,
destroying what little good there was in me.
Soon I will be an empty shell.
I remember when
I would comfort you,
ease your pain.
You really were as close to me as a brother.
Now those days are over,
and I alone am to blame.
If only I could turn back time
so I had never hurt you,
bear the burden of your suffering for you.
To think I once said that I hated you!
No demon in the depths of hell
Ever uttered so great a lie.
When I look in the mirror,
I no longer see myself,
but a monster:
the flesh that seduced you,
the mouth that cursed you,
the hands that spread slander and abuse.
I cry out in my shame.
The worst part is knowing
that your forgiveness,
the one thing left that could save me,
is as far away
as the highest heavens,
and as impossible
for me to attain
as the water surrounding Tantalus,
so near, and yet so far.
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