Okay, I had chapter one as a WIP but it disappeared so y'all have to deal with the prologue as compensation because I can't find chapter one and now have to start all over. Sorry.
:3
In case you're curious, parts of this story are inspired by my life, Sam's life, and possibly the lives of our friends. I wrote an outline and some of it down about... seven months ago so... it may seem a bit... off from what I'vebeen telling people happened and such, but here's the original tale opener and, in my oppinion, the best of the bunch.
OH! One final thing: ENJOY and PLEEEEEEASE comment!!! I need all the help I can get
!
After you finish you can read part two which is here:
http://www.sheezyart.com/view/869601/ 
Comments
Immortal IXI Tenshi Says:
Its a good first story.But the spelling is wrong in a few places.
machiavellism Says:
The plot sounds very interesting. you've done a great job at introducing the reader to the story.
the only thing i have to critique is some of the more mechanical stuff in your writing.
there are a few typos and spellign errors here and there, and some of thw words/phrases could have been worded differently (but then again, word choice is the author's choice ;3).
also, a major thing i have to critique is the dialogue.
at some parts it's not clear who is speaking, and it makes it difficult to read the story.
but toher than that, the story is very intriguing, and i can't wait to read the rest. :3
Hernandez Says:
Comma splicing T_T You also forgot to make a new paragraph when it's a different person talking. Here, I'll correct it:
"So that's it?" Her voice was soft like velvet and quiet so that her words were practically inaudible. "You're just going to... to tell me that we... we're not... 'compatable'?" Her mascara ran down her face, the black streaks highly contrasting with [or you can put in high contrast with] the pale skin that it slowly crept down. Thom flinched at the spite, the venom, the malice that was transported through that one word, sent along with a glare worse than a dagger being twisted in his gut one thousand times over. She laughed. Thom could not imagine anything more frightening than that noise. "My dear, those words may have been the worst ones you could have chosen. I don't think that that could have been any more painful if you'd tried."
"Now, Anne--"
"Don't. Don't try to make things better; there's no way you can. You realize that, don't you? Deep in your heart? Don't you realize what you've done? Please tell me you do because if you do[n't?] then... GOD, then you must lack emotions of ANY KIND! I would have done anything for you and you know that, I know you do. I still would, you know. I'll still do anything to be back with you."
"Anne, I reali---"
"Plase, wait. I just have to finish this. Please at least give me that." Thom sat back on the bed. He looked worn from tears and lack of sleep. He wished this could have been easier, but he knew that with their sort of relationship, complications were inevitable. Anne began to speak again after having paused to get herself prepared to continue, "I-- I realize that it's all my fault... that if it hadn't been for... well.. you know..." Thom suddenly looked angry.
"WHAT? You can't even say it?! You could do it, but GOD FORBID that you SAY something like that. I mean, it's one thing to go to rehab and---"
"STOP! Please, I just.. don't want to talk about what I did."
"You're going to have to admit to what you did eventually and the sooner you do, the better. You can't fix what you did, you can't take back your actions, but at least admit to doing it, to doing somethig wrong. I need to know that you're not a compleatly terrible person so just tell me that you know what you did was wrong. Please tell me you know what you did was wrong for a reason other than that it drove me to doing this."
"I would, but I can't. I can't find anything I do wrong if I did it so I could be with you. I'd do anything for you. You have no idea what I've done for you in the past. This is not the worst of it by far."
Thom shuddered to think of what she could be referring to. "Anne, you're a wonderful person in some senses, but you don't seem to know the difference between right and wrong! I love you, I do. I doubt that I'll ever be able to get over you, but I just can't let you do this to me! I haven't told anyone what you did and you know that I won't because I still do love you. That's why this is so very hard for me to do."
"Then don't do it, Thom! We both love each other and there's no denying it. I don't care what you do, just don't leave me! As long as we're together everything is fine! The world could explode, as long as we both live and are together. Nobody else matters, don't you see that?"
"ANNE, stop trying to get out of this! You've hurt me far too many times now and I can't stand it any longer. I have to leave you before... before I change my mind." Thom got up from the bed, walked over to Anne, "I know I shouldn't..." He kissed her one last time before walking out the door and leaving her alone in the room.
She trembled, "but... I love you..." She walked over to the phone and picked it up; the dialtone sounded. Anne dialed the number clumsily, having to try four times before she got the number correct. The phone rang once before it was picked up.
"Hello?" A voice that sounded like a papercut feels came through the phone. It was oddly calming to hear after one got used to it.
"Hi, Felix."
"Anne? What's wrong?"
"I need you. You have to come to me. I'm thinking I might... you know... I just need you here."
"Where are you?"
"I'm in New York City at the hotel I told you about."
"I'll be there in two hours, can you wait that long?"
"Don't rush, I can manage..."
"Anne?"
"Yeah?
"I love you."
"Love you too, get here soon as you can." There was a click as Felix hung up the phone. "Thirty minutes until sunset", Anne thought aloud, "he'll be here in two hours. It'll be all good. I'll be fine. I can wait that long. It'll be fine. I should probably wash up. NO! Not in the bathroom, just sit on the bed and wait. Sleep. Yeah, sleep. It'll all be good, I'll just sleep 'till he gets here and when he does I can explain to him... and he'll take care of me. He'll take good care of me. I'll be fine. GOD, I need a fix. NO! No drugs when you're thinking like this, just sleep."
But she couldn't sleep.
Ok, done. Over all, great story!!! *idea* hey, want me to be your editor?