::Even In Death::

::Even In Death::

A raindrop. A brief silent moment. A tiny sliver of time. It swallows me alive, gingerly squelching my last breath before ripping it out of my grasp. My body is cold; from what I can tell from the appendages I can still feel. Now only the vision of your face keeps me hanging on, keeps me from letting myself slip forever into the unknown abyss. All I ever wanted was you, just you and as I lay here with the darkness slowly closing in on me, all I can think about is the time that was ripped away from us. Even at this moment, while I%u2019m doused in my own blood and the stench of the city streets contaminates my lungs, all I can feel is your warmth enclosing my frail frame, your hand caressing mine, your smile overpowering my discontent. I can feel your presence still flowing through my dehydrated veins and even in the midst of this cloud of death that is devouring me, your eternal light still persistently shines through to warm my limp body.

I shudder as I hear the sirens finally approach. They are coming to do their job, to try to save me, but I know it has reached the point of no return. If only I could tell them that I won%u2019t be coming back again, not this time. It%u2019s too late. Nevertheless, they come. The splashing of disturbed rain puddles and the heavy beating of feet hitting the asphalt are all I can hear now. I try to cry out, to tell them to let me be, but it is pointless. No sound can escape the hollow pit that has become my throat. No emotion is evident on my frozen face, my façade of chilled apathy. I close my eyes, or at least I think they are closed. Everything is so black now, utterly dark, as dark as the hearts of those who took you away from me. I can smell the faint essence of jasmine or lavender lingering in the adhesive air. It reminds me of the perfume I bought you last Christmas. Do you remember that day? Everything was so perfect, completely beautiful, just as you were. The whole world could have ended, but I wouldn%u2019t have even noticed. I was too lost in you, mesmerized by the aura that emanated from your every move.

I feel myself slipping even further now, to a point I never deemed possible. How does one cope with this feeling? Even if there were someone to ask, I couldn%u2019t. I haven%u2019t got strength. The paramedic is growing anxious by this point. I think I hear her yell something incoherent to another. I see only black now, with slight tints of red and blue exploding from the corners of my eyes now and then. God, what sweet seduction is this? This bitter honey on the tip of my tongue, is this the essence of death? If only all life were as sweet and alluring as this one tiny moment of mordancy. Yet, my spine can%u2019t help but tingle as I reflect back on my existence. I wish you were here with me now, to help me endure. You would know what to say; you always knew what to say, what to do. You always knew how to chase the rain away, to make the sun magically appear again.

My body starts to convulse and soon after I lose what little control I have left. I can%u2019t run anymore, I can%u2019t hide from her now. She%u2019s coming for me, searching for me. Death will answer my pitiful cry and she%u2019ll find me no matter where I go now and I want her to, but deep inside this all feels so wrong, so cold. It is as if I cheated life so that I can see you again. I only want you to know that I did this all for you.

You were the only one who could ever have been worth the entire world. I could never do it for another soul, not even my own.

Slowly I begin to see the silhouette of the paramedic working over me. I wonder how long I have been laying here. It seems like an eternity crammed into a second. My jaw is restrained in a concrete oxygen mask, which seems to do more harm than good. However, I manage to turn my head. I can feel you watching me now, your warm breath exfoliating my icy skin. I%u2019m so cold. I must be close now. I can see the other side. Hold me, I can%u2019t bear this all alone. Strangle me in your arms. It%u2019s the only way I want to go out.

They%u2019re moving me to the ambulance now. My eyes search frantically for you once again and slowly, I can see your ethereal face following close behind that of the woman paramedic. You%u2019re so pale. Your skin is an immaculate hue of white, as flawless as the color of your dress the day of our wedding. I suppose they will take me to the hospital. Everything is about procedure, but I don%u2019t care. All that I care about is you and that you are here with me now in this crucial instant. And maybe sometime soon we can finally be together forever this time. The two paramedics in the back of the ambulance are monitoring me closely now. I smirk as I watch them fumble through paperwork. One of them passes right through you, but you don%u2019t seem to notice. You%u2019re too focused on me. You%u2019re smile lifts the shroud of evanescent darkness.

The nurses are shuffling me through the halls now at warp speed, but you don%u2019t have a problem keeping up. You calmly follow behind them, careful to never take your eyes off of me for a mere second. They are so ignorant. They know nothing. They don%u2019t realize that this is inevitable. They won%u2019t ever understand this dying need for me to be with you, this calling that can%u2019t be silenced, this reunion that I crave.

I%u2019m in a room now with faces I have never seen before huddled over me along with metal gadgets of all kinds. If only I could tell them that they are wasting their time. I still can%u2019t speak. I%u2019m not sure I remember how. The crisp white gowns of the nurses are now red. That color, the same color as your hair, always seems to catch my eye.

I focus in on one particular nurse with an oversized nose and sharp, dark brows. Doubt and anxiety have conquered her face, but her face starts to change. Her dark hair transforms into a pale, almost transparent white. Her sharp features are now as soft as autumn air. The elegance of her face is breathtaking. I know who she is and she knows me, for she knows everyone as everyone will come to know her. She has no expression, no emotion what so ever. She opens her blue mouth to reveal nothing but a black hole. Without moving her small lips, she speaks to me, beckoning me to come with her. She takes my soul by the hand. I can feel her pulling sternly. I have no choice, but to comply. You shoot me a loving smile from the other side of the room where you have been watching the whole time. I know it is what you want. You know I must go with her. One of the doctors yells something, but I can%u2019t distinguish the words. It is happening so fast. Now all I can hear is a consistent humming sound coming from one of the machines. Somehow I manage to loosely catch on to a word fluttering through the air: Flat lined.

I open my eyes to see you, as refulgent in your glory as ever. How I have longed to see the look of utter happiness on your face once more. I promised you I would come for you. I could never break that promise, not to you. Even in death our love flourishes. All that I have endured, I have endured for you. Everything I have sacrificed has been only for you, so that we could have this moment, here, now. Because real love is forever and nothing, not even death can ever keep us apart.