Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children gone wrong part one

Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children gone wrong part one

*movie opens up with Red XII killing everything 500 years in the Future*
*498 years earlier, Reno the bad ass is flying a yellow submarine, there is four british guys with him in the submairne
Elena: "OOOO SHINY

Tseng: "Elena.....what did I tell you about drinking coffee and taking caffiene pills."

Elena: "This thing is squishy?"

Reno: "Yo, whats squishy about that cake?"

Tseng: "Reno, I told you not to bring any cake!"

Reno: "Yea, yo-"

Fat Albert: "Hey, hey, hey!"
Reno: .....
Elena: "NOOOOO!"
Elena: "MY SQUISHY"

*Sounds of battle and of Elena crying about her squishy*

Tseng: "Elena...your squishy is attacking me, get it off get it off!"

And now Marlene narrates with bland visual works... a not so basic summaries of The Soda Wars but you'll still need to beat the game for better understanding...

~Soda... the gamer's life energy . it is the origin of all caffene form on the planet. Pepsi-cola Company found a way to take Cafffiene and use it as an energy source. Because of that, we were able to live a hyper life. However, in doing so, it took alot out of our bodys... Making us tired after a while.
There were many that were against this. Pepsi-Cola poked anyone and anything that stand in their way. Using a special force known as Pepsi. The one who were infused with mako energy and the cell of the 'Calamity from the Factory'...Root Beer, a soda who was created long ago. among the Pepsi, the greatest of all was Surge... who was Legendary. But when he found out that he is no more than a horrifying experiment... He came to hate Pepsi-Cola... and eventually everything and everyone... Surge's hate was so great that he tried to destroy the gamers...
Those who tried to stop him were entangled in many battles. There were sadness and lost, the one we cared for most became a part of the Soda.
(shows Cloud putting Aerith in the water, the most memorable scene in FFVII)

And then one day...the promise day...
The gamers itself stopped all the battles. Using Soda as its weapon.
The Soda, gushing out over the body and took everything along with it.
Tiredness, was the price for the body to be saved. This all happened about seven years ago.~

Now it show a new area somewhere in Midgar... People walking around doing their daily stuff...

Kid 1: "Let's go."
Kid 1: "OK."

Fred: -But... the body...
seems to be much angrier than we thought.-

Now shows Marlene (Fred) and Bob (Denzel) in a room in Tifa's new Strip Club.

Fred: -The Star-Scar Syndrome. (Geostigma)-

Bob: "Hey, Fred?
What's going on?"

Fred: "Bob, please dont take my pants away"
Bob: "But Fred, you are not wearing pants"
Fred: "I'M NOT!!!!!! ;_;"

Now shows Tifa (Slut) in her new Strip Club and the phone rings...It's obviously for Cloud (Loser) but he isn't there anymore to re...

Slut: "He's not here anymore..."

Fred: "Loser, where are you, you owe me money?"

Slut walks up to pick up the Phone.

Slut: "Hello, Lockhearts Whore Service! We'll deliver... Who's this?... oh, I remember you, yo."

Now it shows the BusterSword and a wolf... the wolf is Zack's spirit form by the way. And that would be his Soda.

Finally our zero Loser, listening to his voice message, not answering any calls about Tifa needing gay strippers...

Sluts' message from Loser's cellphone: "I got a call from Reno in Healin Lodge. They said there's a show for you for Rufus. Loser... have you been pimping Yuffie?"

As we all know, Loser is gay... that's what's going on with his penis right now... if you don't know...

And now our wanna be badass silver hair guys... Have no respect at all...haha

Yazoo: "Hey Kadaj, is that where big brothel is?"

Kadaj: "Yeah."

Yazoo: "Think they'll give us a big welcome?"

Kadaj: "If we have the Gil to pay the bouncer, yea."

Loz: "Don't cry Yazoo, this is your first time getting laid."
*Looks at Kadaj* "...Porn is with him too, right?"

Kadaj: "Don't know about that."

Yazoo: "Don't cry now, Loz."

Loz starts crying all random...SHINY!

Kadaj: "Look at that, it's big brother."

Great porn action starts here...just this scene here is better than any porn movie!

Loz: "Where is Porn?"

Yazoo: "You're hiding our porn, aren't you?"

Kadaj on the phone...Sephiroth on camera recording the porn scene
"Don't trick us. Is our porn really there?
hehe Don't need to get so loud... I don't wanna talk to you meanie ;_;, give me the cripple guy in the kick ass wheel chair."

Porn over, Kadaj calls off his gang and Loser continue riding... And his voice message goes on...
"Hey, it's me, Mr. T, foo! I GOT THIS &*^%! New milk factory! M!I!L!K!F!A!C!T!O!R!Y! Amazingly huge! We're sticking to the plan, so soon I'll be able to visit Fred! Hey, tell her for me! Later!"
Slut's message: "There's another phone call from Reno. Just hurry, he says. Rufus is getting more and more horny by the second."

Reno tried to attack Loser but Loser gets locked outside...ha I knew he was a loser

Reno: "Uh.....no comment yo..."
Loser: DAMN IT!

Rude walks in, being all bad ass...

Reno: "Yo Rude! You kick ass."
(saying from inside, Loser is outside throughout the whole meeting.)

Rude tries to attack Reno but he distracts Rude with a beer

Rufus: "Just what I expected from a Turk. (Rufus wheeled in all lazily, god he must be fat) Your skills are impressive as ever."

Reno: "Sir, Loser is outside, he says he forgot his penis."

Rufus reminiscing the past...Flash back here from 3 days ago...notice here, Reno is dancing to the song Im too sexy and Rufus is trying to tell how horny he was... Rufus was just talking to himself

Rufus: "That day, I..."

Reno: "Im too sexy for my sunglasses"

Rufus: "Just before the..."

Reno: "Im too sexy for my sunglasses"

Rufus: "Listen..."

Reno: "What you think about that"

As Reno dances around Rufus finally notices that Loser is there and gets to business. by the way, I was bored when I wrote this, and Square never explained why Rufus was in love with Loser, who is still locked outside

Rufus: "...lend us your penis."

Loser: "you still owe me money."

Rufus: "We at Pepsi-Cola owe much to the gamers. We're responsible for putting the gamers in their current state... There's no helping it. we must somehow repay this porn bill of ours."

Loser: "FSCK ME!!"

Rufus: "As our first step... we will masterbate to porn."

Reno: "You guys are sick yo!"

Rufus: "What do you think about that?
Kinky. It will be kinky. No need to worry about it...
Someone is trying to steal our porn.
It's those people who raped you... They're Kadaj's whores."

Loser: "...my pants ;_;"

Rufus: "Loser, leave you emo bitch before I rape you a new butt hole"

Loser: "Why did you call me that?"

Rufus: "Because Loser you are just that, now dont make me come over there and beat you."

Reno: "YO, lazy guy beating you loser, thats all you are good for"

Rufus: "Kadaj's gang are young but extremely horny.
So, we decided to hire a skilled gay stripper/whore. Someone like you...Emo bitch"

Loser: "so emo ;_;" Loser cuts himself once.

Rufus: "You're the only one...who could make me want to get off my ass and beat you
...god he is cutting himself again."

Loser: "WAAAA NO ONE LOVES ME" he cuts himself again.

Loser opens the door... as he about to leave through the back...

Loser: "What is this "Pussy" They talked about?"

Rufus: "Kadaj said something, eh? Well, don't worry about that.
Straight men always yearn for pussy
So I heard you're having fun with the other stripers.
Wouldn't you want to see the...? *Loser shudders here about striaght men and cuts himself again
...Our ultimate goal is to make everyone gay."

Loser: "I..."

Reno: "Come on man! We're rebuilding the Pepsi-Cola Company!"

Loser: *Passes out

Rufus: ".....fun time..."