The Journal of Baldur Terralventhe #<Insert Number Here>

The Journal of Baldur Terralventhe #<Insert Number Here>

It pains me. The past, that is. For who can truly claim that they are capable of leaving their past behind them? Who is able to lay claim on the notion that their past is irrelevant, that they do not have a need for such 'wasteful', or 'tedious' things. Some might claim to be such, but then, some might also claim that they were spawned from the flatulence of a fiend-possessed minstrel who consorted with orcs dressed as ladies of the night. And I'd believe them, truly I would, if only to allow them their baffling insanity.

Alas, for me, I do not believe such to be the case, for any man, woman or creature. All things exist through a past, a heritage or a legacy that they, or their predecessors have left behind upon their journey through life. What that journey is depends entirely upon the actions taken, and words spoken upon such travels, and I deem them all relevant. Every minor step one takes, and every action has a consequence that cannot be ignored, whether one wishes for it or not.

I know many whose pasts and histories are of great worth to those who seek to further their own knowledge and wisdom. I know much more of the pasts and tales of many of my companions which has granted me a deeper insight into their ideals, as well as answering the eternal question of 'why do we do that which we do?'. It is through knowing their past that I have a deeper insight into the person they are today and, perhaps, strengthening the bonds that I share with them all. It is with this knowledge that I see the past as a valuable, treasured thing.

It is thus that the past pains me. Not for the sake of my own actions and personal guilt, for I have long-since abandoned the notion of bathing in my own self-loathing. Nay, instead I am pained by the prospect of what my own actions have done for others. If I had not been around, had a person's life been better? Worse? Dreary in its regularity? I do not know.. all that I know is that it is done, and that I am merely restricted to thinking back on my own acts and pondering their meaning and motive.

All beings make a reckless move, made out of hastiness and emotional outbursts. There is no escaping this, and no remedying for it. It is how we build upon those reckless moments, however, how we tread the maze-like corridors of mortal emotion and weakness that we find ourselves growing as individuals, as beings of true wisdom. I have been a child too long now.. for more than half the extent of my life in fact. A brooding, selfish child with little regard for others or their own paths, histories and reasonings. It would be arrogant of me to claim that I have grown beyond my childishness.. but I would enjoy the notion of belief that I, in some fashion, have grown a sense of maturity that I once lacked.

I have come to realize the responsibilities I bear as a person, as a mortal speck in this vast world of eternal changes. My responsibilities are to my beloved and family, and unto my comrades. Although my pursuit in my own goals remains adamant, I will no longer allow my personal selfishness to cut the bonds which tie me to others, whether they be bonds of emotion, of kinmanship..

..or even a bond that goes beyond words.

-Baldur Terralventhe