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Am I Crying?
Sitting here, cold
Waiting to be struck down
To melt away
Disappear
Hope no longer waits
As I rock unknowingly
Shaking my head to the rythm
Of sobs
Silence reigns in my fragile privacy
Innocence shattered in a moment
Screaming in my mind
Until it echos for eternity
Laying on a child's sheet
In a bed grown familiar
As I kept him company for days at a time
Why would he break me so?
Legs spread in shock
By a weight that I could not beat
As my fragile realm of morals tore
Uncried tears beating at my eyes
A piece of my soul forever gone
Could I have stopped him?
Could I have spared that painful moment?
Instead of lying silent, screaming why
Woken from a decietfully peaceful sleep
Cold and bare
Muscles tense
A whisper only, 'What are you doing?'
Before that fatal moment
When part of me died
Where were you when I was falling?
As I held out my arms
Waiting to be caught
Needing protection in an uncertain world
An unclean soul and a battered heart
Pulsing with each thrust
No, locked away in my throat
No, screaming out of my eyes
No, running through my being
As my mind retreats...
Can he be so calm?
Would you be as calm as he?
To learn that this pain has been dealt
Buried in the pit of one thought pure?
Disappointment echoing through his eyes
Pushing away as though in disgust
Impatience with my fear
Withdrawal by all when I need it most
Where were you when I was falling?
I've hit the bottom and can't get up
No longer will the joy raise me higher
In this cruelty that is my life
The pain is enough to wrench out sobs
Sitting in the silence of my cold room
Rocking myself, a vain attempt for comfort
Tell me... Am I crying?
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