I feel like the last stanza is unneccessary [*blinks* I don't think I spelled that right.], you don't need the whole four words. Cold doesn't fit, and it seems to me like you could pick just one of them to finish the poem off nicely.
I love poetry, and stuff like this usually trips my trigger...
But, some of the words seem mischosen.
Like, yelling should be screaming (in my opinion) and then screaming down there should be... no idea.
But screaming gives a more dramatic terrifying sense to the poem then yelling.
Just my 2 cents.
Very nice poem though.
Comments
CarelessWhisper Says:
I feel like the last stanza is unneccessary [*blinks* I don't think I spelled that right.], you don't need the whole four words. Cold doesn't fit, and it seems to me like you could pick just one of them to finish the poem off nicely.
*shrug* ♥
Oddball Says:
I love poetry, and stuff like this usually trips my trigger...
But, some of the words seem mischosen.
Like, yelling should be screaming (in my opinion) and then screaming down there should be... no idea.
But screaming gives a more dramatic terrifying sense to the poem then yelling.
Just my 2 cents.
Very nice poem though.