Negamii EX29: The tragic ending---

Negamii EX29: The tragic ending---

I had been waiting and studying my whole live to be a priest. I could love nothing more than God. I was ecstatic the day I was told I’d be studying at THE parish on Sinca. It was in the heart of all the culture, politics, and religion of the Main City. It was two years later that I’d realize what a test of my faith I had before me.
On occasion a man would show up for services; and on rare occasion he would bring a younger man with him. I had been told it was his son. The father went by the name Sky and the son was Malice. I had also been told to look forward to hearing Sky’s confessions.
One evening came when a familiar face came coldly into the church. I was surprised to see young Malice unaccompanied by his father. I was even more startled when he came and sat next to me. And by next to me I don’t mean in my general area, no, he sat with less than a few fingers widths between us.
“Good evening-“
“Lets talk about God.” He cut me off, as though he really didn’t care what I had to say.
“Alright.”
“Who is God?”
“If I could answer that…. Well, it’s more of a what than a who kind of question.”
“Fine. What is God?”
“God is different for everyone. To me God is hope, love, and peace. God is the beginning and the end. All that is and ever will be. He is the answer to all truth and falsehood.”
“So God is your scapegoat or your security blanket. Interesting. What about sin? I suppose its what has been perceived as socially wrong over time.”
“Not really, I mean, some humans believe that being Gay is a sin-“
“Such as Catholics?”
“Yes… Most Sinconiean Catholics feel the same, but I’ve read the scripture and I don’t see where it says that. I believe in some cases it’s talking more about abuse being wrong, not being a sin. Sin is what eats at your soul. Sin and evil are what turns us from God. It’s, what deep down, makes us feel unloved.”
“I see, so being a sinner is what makes me bitter and unhappy?”
“Not necessarily. But, knowing God and His Son, our Lord Jesus, can bring joy into your heart."
“Huh…” He leaned back and seemed to take this in. “So, where do souls come from?”
“God creates them at the moment of conception.”
“And what about those who are not conceived? Do they not have souls or does God make them too? And if he does, why would he?”
I considered this for a moment and then looked at him. “You mean like those people that were engineered and cloned years ago? Yes, God would make their souls too I think. It wasn’t their choice to be created in the same way we don’t chose to be born. I don’t see why God wouldn’t give them souls.”
“And how would you explain me then?”
“I don’t understand.”
“I was neither born nor grown in a tube. In a night of drunken passion my father created my soul and a shell to go with it out of his own genetics and my other father’s. I was not bore from God or the Devil, but from the power of a man. A man who claims to be Catholic, yet is Gay and married to a serial killer. He himself has professed to killing. So, how does a man of faith explain me?”
I studied his face for a long moment. His eyes, though strange in color, were fierce and passionate. He had a very sharp and defined profile, which mirrored the rest of his frame. I had never noticed before, probably because I never really paid much attention, he was very handsome and beautiful; some how both at once. Though he seemed to be the type of mystery that could be both. There was a mix of danger in there as well. Sky also had that look. It demanded respect. Something in me screamed that this was the devil’s deed. This creature who sat staring into my eyes was corrupt.
“Well?” He demanded.
“You… You were born of the love between your parents correct?”
“And a lot of liquor.”
“I wouldn’t doubt that many had that beginning.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“I don’t think I can answer that. You exist, God must have-“
“Must have what? If you can’t explain it, Priest, then what? God said it was okay? It’s a miracle? What if God had nothing to do with it?”
I shifted away from him slightly. “It sounds to me like you’re trying to find ways of not believing in Him.”
“What if I’m trying to figure out why you do?”
“How…. How could I not?”
“The faith you have was made for Humans. God created EARTH in 7 days. Jesus died for the sins of man. Humans. Not us. You and I are sinners. You messiah has nothing to do with your species. Humans would see you and call you an Angel from Heaven. It’s almost pathetic. I cant see why you’d seek to be more human. Can’t you find something to fill your heart form our species? Would you cut your wings from your back too? You deny the gifts given to you by birth? You can bend and use nature to your whim, speak directly to the mind of your fellow Sinconiean, yet these natural gifts are evil to you, aren’t they? Or have you rewritten faith, the holy book you follow, to allow your discrepancies from the Humans? Tell me, are your prayers answered?”
“Malice… I don’t feel comfortable-“
“Why? Are you questioning your faith? Are you wondering now?”
“Malice please stop.”
“No.”
“Why do you even show up here, if you feel what I live for is in vain?”
He took the back of my neck gently in hand and leaned so close I could feel his lips just off my ear. “To watch you.” He whispered. “To see your eyes closed. To see you on your knees muttering silently to God.” His other hand slid onto my thigh. I closed my eyes hard and tried to pray. I wanted strength; now more than ever I needed it. “I would see you as God does; Naked, exposed. I see you and I in sin.” His fingers were kneading at the muscle of my leg; he was working his way slowly in and up. I knew I should stop him, but I couldn’t. “It’s a shame, though, that you’re celibate.” He breathed deeply, seductively. “I suppose I’ll just have to show up on Sunday and refresh my fantasy.” He stood slowly and left.
I prayed for hours. And the next day I prayed even more. But at night I tossed. I dreamed dreams and repented for them all. Then Sunday came and he was there. I felt his eyes on me. I tried not to remember his breath in my ear. I tried not to think on his words. I was in a nightmare for weeks. I was prayed over, but it didn’t help. After another restless night of his words, his questions rolling in my head I woke. I was tired and empty. Something was gone, yet somehow it was okay.
A few days passed. As they did the emptiness grew warm. I didn’t dream. My prayers felt rehearsed and pointless, but I went through the motions for a few more days. And then it was Sunday. I stood at the back of the church, waiting for him. I didn’t know if I had totally lost my faith but seeing him again would give me my answer. I just seemed to know it would.
He didn’t show at first. Twenty minutes into the service I had almost given up hope. Then during a song he slipped in and stood next to me, as though he knew I’d be there. Before the last few notes of that song he grabbed my arm and pulled me from the sanctuary. Just as suddenly as he pulled me from the church he pushed me against a wall and kissed me hard, pushing his body tightly against mine. In shock I shoved him back. “What are you doing!” I was more scared that I felt a rush. It was like the first time I thought I felt God’s love. There was something wrong about it though.
“What? Isn’t that the reason you were standing in the back of the church?”
“To see you yes, but…. You shouldn’t kiss me like that!”
He pulled back a few inches and studied me, though he also could have been glaring at me. And for a moment I almost saw him smile. “Ah, that’s right, for a first kiss it should be much more gentle. I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.” He moved in to kiss me again. “You know, you’re beautiful when you blush.”
I felt my face turn hot. As his lips brushed against mine I was horrified. I had no idea what to do. I could feel his fingers on the small of my back and his body held against mine. His other hand ran through my hair and rested on the back of my head. As he pulled my head closer to his I went willingly, one of my hand seemed to move on its own to his shoulder. His tongue slowly slid against my lips and without thinking I parted them to let him in. I felt my heart beat faster and another rush of excitement came over me as our tongues met. Tiny explosions of pleasure consumed any where he touched me. I placed my other hand on his waist as he broke off the kiss. There was a silence as I looked into his eyes. After a moment I swallowed and whispered, “My God…”
He smiled gently. “Not yet… but I will be.”
“Malice…”
“Shush. Let’s go.” He took my hand.
“Go where?”
“My place.”
“But your father!”
He rolled his eyes. “Not that place. My pocket dimension.”
I nodded slightly, feeling foolish and lost with out his guidance. It was as though he was the only thing in my universe that made any sense, which was the farthest thing from the truth, because he was the most confusing thing about my life. There was a small blink of light and I discovered myself with him in what looked like a very dark room, lit only by a few candles. There was a very large cozy looking bed several feet from a desk. It was the bed that he began pulling me toward. “Wait… I…”
He stopped and looked at me harshly. “Don’t flatter yourself just yet baby. We’ve got plenty of time for you to make a choice. I just want to get comfortable.” He tugged my arm hard and I fell onto the bed. I looked up at him, very unsure of how to handle all of this.
The candle light caught his eye and I smiled. “How do you manage to looks tough and demeaning with one bright blue eye and the other so pink?”
He pulled off his shirt, revealing a dark beautiful tan and a very toned body. “The same way my father can make grown men shit them selves at the sight of him. The same way Sky can order a man killed or save with the slightest movement of his body.”
“And how is that?” I watched every one of his muscles move as he came down on top of me.
“No one knows anything about us. Our thoughts, our dreams, our desires are all mysteries to the world. We know how people work and we have proven that we simply don’t care. My eyes may be bright and non frightening, its what’s behind the color of my eyes that demands everything else.” His lips were hovering just above mine. I looked deeply into his eyes and found myself trembling. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted his arms around me. I wanted his strong and unforgiving directions. It was true; I knew he could care less if it were my first time or my eight thousandth. But I also knew he would be kind. That too was in his eyes. I also knew there was no way I could tell him no.
He kissed me again, this time going straight for my tongue. I gave in willingly and pulled his body fully onto mine. As we kissed it grew in intensity. I ran my hands over most of his exposed skin and I could feel one of his hands working on the buttons of my shirts. They seemed to be frustrating him. Eventually he broke off the kiss and sat up a bit. I nearly jumped when he ripped both my shirts open and almost screamed when he went for my neck. Instead a sharp intake of breath came from me in a gasp as his teeth scraped my neck followed by a sensual sucking on my skin. His hands traveled my body as mine traveled his. He was purring lightly and so was I.
When he paused in his doting I decided to quickly reciprocate before my chance was gone. I kissed his neck gently and moved to his collar bone. I wanted to lick him. Everywhere. I gripped his side with one and hand began running my tongue over what I could reach, occasionally scraping my teeth on his skin. He seemed to enjoy it. Testing a thought I nibbled on a bit of his flesh. He thrust his hips into mine which caused me to bite down. A moan escaped him as a purr came from me. I shifted my hips against his. I wanted him touching me in my most privet of areas. He kissed me roughly before I could speak. This time I returned it and pulled him close. This was a sin, but it was amazing. The void in my soul was filling. Filling with Malice.
As we kissed his hand slid further down upon me. I gasped again as his hand gripped my manhood and he began kneading at that as he had once done to my thigh. I found myself moaning loudly and trembling at his touch. I tried to kiss him again but I found with my unsteady breathing it was getting difficult. His lips went back to my neck, only now they occasionally went down to my chest. After a period of time I felt his free hand pry one of mine from its grip on the bed. He led me to his groin. I hesitated but eventually began exploring over his dress pants. I knew I was blushing. I was afraid I wasn’t doing something right.
He kissed me again and took my hand from his crotch. I felt him unbuckling my pants slowly. I tightened my grip on him. I wasn’t going to stop him but part of me was terrified. I didn’t know what to do, but I wanted to make him happy. I shifted and aided him and removing what was left of my clothes, and then his. I explored him. It occurred to me how much more difficult it would have been for me if he was a woman. I had never seen a woman naked and I decided I never cared to. He kissed me again and I could feel his hands applying lubrication. He gave me no choice but to aid him in the process. After another moment he began grinding against me. I went along, syncing with his motions. He was positioning me as things heated up. I could feel his erection egger to enter me. It was pressed against me, waiting for something. I broke the kiss and looked up at him. He looked down at me, seemingly questioning something. I shifted my hips. He grabbed one of my legs and pushed himself inside me. I arched my back and held back a scream. I hadn’t expected it to hurt like that. I was tense and he was purring deeply. It wasn’t to sooth me. No he was enjoying the tight grip my body had on him.
Several minutes passed. “Baby.. You need to relax if you want this to go any further. I’m not going to hurt you.”
I took an unsteady breath and tried to speak. “Kiss me again.” He did, carefully. I returned the kiss as best I could it took some time but I managed to relax and after I did he continued thrusting into me. It was euphoric. It was hard for me to believe I had lived with out such a feeling. I climaxed first and demanded to keep going until he did. I loved the feel of him inside of me. I begged him to stay there. He kissed me gently and obliged for God only knows how long. Eventually, though, he pulled out and flopped to the side of me. I whimpered lightly and clung to him. He seemed to tolerate this but part of me felt like he was disappointed in something. “Malice?”
He grunted a “What?”
“I’m sorry…”
“What for?”
“Well… I promise I’ll get better…”
He grunted again. “Get some sleep.” I nodded and settled in to sleep.

I woke dressed and alone in my bed. There was a note in my hand, which I read when the sleep was rubbed from my eyes. “You’re a dream come true brother Kishken.” What did that mean? I sat up and was reminded by every muscle in my body that last night wasn’t another dream. I rolled from my bed, and from habit I knelt and began my morning prayer. I knew I should confess. I knew I should repent. I knew with every fiber of my being I should have left the priesthood right then and there. And as these thoughts ran through my head I realized that I wasn’t alone anymore. He was leaning against my wall watching me. I knew he knew I was there. I was sure he could easily have hidden his presence from me if he wanted to. “How often have you watched me with out my knowlage?”
“Don’t flatter yourself.” He knelt behind me and slid his body around mine. “I just like to see you on your knees.” He was whispering in my ear again. I went out on a limb of sorts and leaned back into him. It was like leaning on a cold brick wall. My life had been so warm and inviting until he showed up in it. He was a structure in my flowing life. Or was it he who caused waves in the lake? I couldn’t tell. What I did know is when his lips touched my neck I trembled.
“Malice…” I let my hand drop and slide back to feel his legs.
“Don’t be stupid, Priest. You’re body can’t handle me again so soon.”
“What more could you want from me?”
“Let’s talk about God again.”
“No.”
“No? No isn’t an option… If you confess this what will happen to you? You can’t be a priest when you’ve been seduced by a man made man now can you? What would you do with you’re life if you cannot devote to loving a God that will never love you as his child?”
“Malice… Please.”
“Do you want to know a secret lover-boy?” He pressed his lips to my ear again. “Sinca was destroyed so many years ago by what was called Void Demons. And now, do you know who re-made this world? The Altret clan. It wasn’t a gift from a long dead goddess as some fools believe. Do you know where every single Sinconiean goes when they die? There are two after lives. Wandering aimlessly around the planet as a soul or hell. Some parts are better than others but hell is the only realm left for the dead of Sinca.”
I squeezed my eyes closed and gripped hold of what ever part of him was closest to my hands. “No.”
“Yes. There is no paradise left.”
“And you talk about having pride in your species.”
“Oh, my pet, I’m half breed. There isn’t much of a species for me to have pride in.”
Even though it hurt to move I turned around and hugged onto him, my face buried into his neck. His words hurt but it was a sort of healing pain. My world was crashing around me into a bucket of acid truth. I needed to cling to something real and unwavering. He didn’t hold me more than to place a hand around my neck. “Make it stop.” I was dizzy and I felt sick. What had I done? How was I so sure he knew all of this to be true. “Take me away with you.”
He chuckled. “Why would I do that? And where would I take you?”
I didn’t know. I started to cry. “I…. I love you.”
Now he really laughed. “Love me? Ridiculous. I fucked you and that’s the end of that, babe. I just wanted your body.”
“You what?” I sat up and stared at him. I couldn’t believe this… He had to be joking. “But you… You spent all that time getting under my skin so you could screw me once and be done with me?”
“Don’t be so offended. You’re hot and for never really kissing before you’ve got a natural sort of talent for things.”
“You whore!” I smacked him with all the anger I could muster, I aimed straight for that pretty face of his, but he grabbed my hand before I hit and shoved me hard against the side of my bed.
“You’re pathetic.” He pushed forward and sat on my legs, pinning me in my position.
I was terrified and in my instincts I began to pray. Pray for forgiveness and for protection. I repeated myself over and over. I was crying, of this I was sure. And the more I cried and prayed the more my heart sank. There was nothing there for me. No peace, no sense that I would be saved from what ever fate might befall me. His lips traced my neck again and I wavered only slightly. I had my eyes closed but as his fingers slid into my shirt I opened them and found myself staring into his eyes. They were so fierce, so passionate. The feelings of the night before came over me and I stopped in mid prayer. His fingers slid over my chest and up to my throat as he leaned in.
He kissed me again and with out thinking I returned it. I melted into him and felt those explosions over me again. This time it burned. This time it hurt. And then I realized something. It did hurt. It hurt worse than any pain in my life. It hurt physically. I pulled my head back and looked down at my chest. I saw blood. Lots of blood, and God did I hurt. I was dizzy again, and I felt sick. My vision started to blur as he stood and cleaned the blood from his gun. “Oh Lord.”
“He’s not going to save you.”
I swallowed hard and looked up at him… “I know… I know… Could you…. Tell me why?”
“Why not?”
I couldn’t think of an answer… Nothing would do for him. He didn’t need a reason. “I’m glad… I’m glad it was you.”
“Enjoy hell.” He left, and so did I.