Chapter 4 - Death

Chapter 4 - Death

The Reiak scientist laughed quietly. At last, he would be able to show his hard work to the scientific community. "It's brilliant," he commented to himself. "This will completely turn the tables in the universal takeover. We will again have the upper hand! And this time, nothing can go wrong! Nothing can go wrong, can it?" The question was aimed at his assistant, who was in the corner of the room. The assistant nodded. The particular assistant in question was named Erk. Erk was an arkkan (Arkkan is a Reiak term meaning defective, used to refer to Reiak with mental problems) who had joined the team recently. He never spoke. "Right," said the scientist. "We're on in five." The scientist walked off towards the presentation hall. Behind him, Erk smiled almost smugly.
The scientist walked onto the stage and acknowledged the crowd's applause. Next to him was a large metal cage, containing the end product of the project. The thing in the cage's upper body could almost be considered humanoid, since it had a similarly shaped head, neck, and torso, and the folded spikes on its head might be mistaken for hair at a distance. However, the resemblance to anything sentient ended there. The creature's most distinctive features were its six crablike legs and its rather large fangs and claws. The latter two were crescent-shaped and serrated, and easily three or four inches long. The thing's huge red eyes seemed to glow, and cast an expression that could almost be called forlorn at the cheering crowd. It wore a ragged black shirt and six-legged shorts, and its skin looked like some sort of steel alloy. The beast picked idly at the lock on its cage as it surveyed the audience.
"Thank you, thank you,” the scientist said with a wave of his hand. "Allow me to present my newest creation, the Spydr. This one, the first one, I call Tez." Tez was the Reiak word for death. "The species name is derived from the name of the creature we based its genetic code off of. The base creature is one of the many diverse species on Earth. Fortunately for the humans - the dominant life form on Earth, in case any of you haven't been listening to the media for the past few months - the base creature is quite small, because as you can see now, if it were our size, it would look terrifying." Tez made a rude gesture at the scientist with the hand that wasn't busy with the lock, but no one noticed. "The programming for this project was tremendously extensive. I gave up most of my social life during the course of the project to work on it." Tez growled. He was starving. Didn't the little braggart realize he needed food? "The brilliancy of this species is that, although Tez here will kill and devour any being that is not a Reiak at a moment’s notice, it will obey any Reiak swiftly and without complaint."
Tez, who had finished breaking the lock on his cage, stepped out, grabbed the scientist by the front of his lab coat, and lifted him several inches off the ground. "Says who, punk?" Tez hissed softly.
The scientist struggled against Tez’s grip, but to no avail. Tez ran a proboscis-like tongue over his fangs, grinning and salivating. "Bring out the test food! Maybe it'll calm down then!" the scientist shouted to someone offstage. Another Reiak dragged out a howling Dachshund. Tez glanced at it quickly. How could he eat that? It was a cute little puppy, for God's sake. He turned back to his previous quarry.
"If someone is a giant spider, such as me," Tez hissed, dragging the scientist closer, "wouldn't you assume that they would eat not dogs, but giant bugs? Such as you?" The scientist whimpered. Having made his point, Tez pounced. The scientist shrieked and jumped out of the way. The crowd followed suit, heading for the nearest exit. Only the guards and Erk stayed. The scientist started to run too, but Tez whirled around and caught him. By the neck.
"Erk, help!" the scientist shouted. Erk shook his head and smiled grimly. "Why not?" asked the scientist, feeling claws dig into his neck. By way of answer, Erk grinned, showing why he never spoke. His mouth was filled with pointed teeth. Little white pointed teeth, like a... Confirming the scientist's speculations, Erk pulled a black hat with the Midget flag on it out of his pocket. He put it on, still grinning. "No..." the scientist said, his voice barely above a whisper.
"Well, would you look at that?" said Erk, expressing the scientist's thoughts, because the scientist was a bit too busy dying to express them himself. Tez was really savoring killing the scientist. He wanted it to last forever, but it was going far too quickly, like a little foil-wrapped chocolate truffle. Tez decided that, when he had more time, he would work on his similes. Erk continued talking, not in Reiak, but in translated Midge. "Your faithful assistant, Erk, turned out not to be so faithful after all. Oh, how gullible you Reiak are." Tez was enjoying Erk's speech much more than the scientist's lecture. "And now, you're paying with your life for your error. Foolish, foolish little Reiak. I want to thank you, for helping in creating a being that will surely be instrumental in the downfall of your race." Erk gave the scientist a mocking bow. "They're naming a national holiday after me, you know." The scientist gurgled miserably in reply. "I'll be leaving soon, before the authorities arrive. You won't really be able to tell them much at that point. But before you go, I wanted to tell you that you really have been a big help." Erk smiled in that infuriatingly condescending way that only Midgets can achieve. Seeing as his target audience was dead, Erk went over to Tez and patted his arm. "You turned out really well," he whispered. Since his mouth was full of scientist at the moment, Tez smiled slightly and gave him a thumbs up. Erk – who was known to his friends as the Imperial Programmer - put his hands in his pockets and strode briskly out of the building, whistling the Midgetan planetary anthem and closing the door on his way out. You know, I admire that guy, thought Tez.
The door swung open and five Reiak policemen burst in. Just the right number, thought Tez. "All right. It's there. Kill it." Wow, Tez thought, they didn't even think he knew enough to understand the phrase "We have you surrounded". In reply, Tez raked his claws across one's face. The Reiak raised their guns, although the one Tez had clawed was shaking so much that the gun would have probably hit one of his comrades. A metallic rope circled around their guns and brought them to Tez's hand. Hey, thought Tez, I didn't know I could do that. The policemen started to run towards the door. Tez decided to try the rope trick again. The metal rope - which, as far as Tez could tell, came from his hand - wound itself around the door's handles. As the other Reiak desperately tried to free the handles, one of them - which seemed to be their leader - spoke rapidly into a walkie-talkie. "Listen, we're gonna need backup. Maybe 10, 20 people - I don't know. Just move fa-" Tez knocked the walkie talkie out of his hand and stepped on it. The Reiak screamed.
A few minutes later, Tez finished munching on the one he had clawed up earlier (he had decided to save it for last because it looked so funny sitting there whimpering) and threw the remains aside. He noticed the dog from earlier, which was sitting there licking its paw sadly, and took its leash. "Goodbye, I'm leaving, and I'm taking the dog," Tez shouted to the now-empty hall. He snickered and untied the rope on the door. It burst open and around thirty Reiak swarmed in. "Oh no," Tez said, grimacing. One of them threw a net over him. Tez clawed at it, but only a few strands snapped. "Holy-" said Tez, but didn't get to finish his sentence because someone knocked him out.
Tez awoke with an extremely painful headache, like some sort of demon hangover from hell. At least his similes were getting better. He was in a cage in a lab again. He tried breaking the lock like last time, then jumped back. The lock was electrified. Tez noticed that the dog from the presentation hall was in the cage with him. He wondered how it had survived. Near him, two scientists were talking. "No, the bomb won't malfunction. We're sure no one tampered with it. The only person who worked on it is Fej, and the only one who checked it was Erk." Tez breathed a sigh of relief. So Erk was still alive, and he might even be able to save Tez's life.
Erk wandered over to the cage. Although Tez could hardly tell two Reiak apart, he knew that this one was Erk simply because Tez had absolutely no desire to eat him. "Don't worry," whispered Erk. "I've been assigned by my government to ensure your survival. And trust me, it's insured. That bomb will do more good than harm. Oh, by the way, would you mind taking care of that dog? I like it." The dog barked happily. Tez nodded.
"Yes, I'm sure nothing could have gone wrong with the programming," one of the scientists was saying. "The only way it could've was if Erk was actually some sort of secret agent in disguise who actually wanted to see that thing live." Erk giggled slightly. Everyone in the room spun around to stare at him.
"A little tip for you: Reiak don't giggle," Tez whispered to Erk. Erk realized that his mouth had been open and closed it, ashamed. "Jump!" yelled Tez as he shoved Erk aside. A laser beam from someone's gun hit Erk's Shell. It shattered.
"Thank you, God," Erk breathed, clinging to the floor. The Shell fragments dissipated as they flew across the room. A blue light blinked somewhere in the vicinity of Erk's forehead, and suddenly Erk turned into some sort of pointy-eared humanoid creature in a toga. Tez, through his pre-downloaded species encyclopedia, recognized him as a Midget. Erk got up and ran, surprisingly fast for someone that small, and threw a metal disc into the floor ahead of him. It expanded into a portal, which Erk quickly jumped into. One of the scientists jumped in after him. The sound of gunshots came from the portal, followed by shrieking.
"We don't need this; you can have it!" someone from inside the portal shouted. Whoever it was threw the body of the scientist, which was now riddled with gun wounds, back into the lab. No one else tried to follow.
"All right, who says we forget that ever happened?" one of the scientists asked. The others all raised their hands. "Good. Now activate the bomb; that thing was talking to the person who we're going to forget right now."
"But sir, couldn't Erk have-" one of the lab assistants started to say.
"I said to forget that it ever happened! Now activate the bomb!" the scientist said exasperatedly. There was a blinding flash of light from a small round object near Tez's cage, and Tez blacked out for the second time that day.
This time, Tez woke up to someone kicking him in the side. "Stop it!" he growled. Tez picked himself up. He was in a forest that looked like not even a saw had ever been near it, except for the clearing that Tez was in, where all the trees for about fifty feet around him were knocked down. He felt strangely calm here. In the lab he always felt somewhat anxious. Tez turned to look at the person who had been kicking him. "Oh, hey, you're an Ailu," he said to her.
"Wow, really? I've noticed," she said, smiling. She was holding the dog that had been in Tez's cage. It was licking her face. "Hi. My name's Konnie."
"Hi. Which planet is this?" Tez asked.
"Idyll, I think. Unless I’m on another planet. But I'm pretty sure it's Idyll."
"Okay..." Tez was somewhat doubting the sanity of this girl.
"Konnie, what the hell are you talking to?" A young blond-haired human - or at least it looked human, Tez couldn't tell - was looking at them from the edge of the clearing.
"Hey, what's your name?" Konnie whispered to Tez.
"Tez," Tez whispered back.
"His name is Tez and he's a-" Konnie stopped shouting to whoever it was and turned back to Tez. "What's your species?" she whispered.
"Spydr," Tez whispered back.
"Spider?"
"No, Spydr."
"What's the difference?"
"Spydr doesn't have any vowels in it."
"Right, I get your point. He's a Spydr," The human said. "Really, you don’t have to whisper. I can hear you fine."
"How does a human hear us from that distance?" Tez asked.
"A human doesn't. KJ there does," the Ailu replied.
"And why exactly were you waking our friend Tez there up at the moment?" said KJ, who was now right next to Konnie.
"Whoa! Since when are you standing there?" Konnie asked in surprise.
"Since about two seconds ago," KJ replied.
"Well, you know, if you help a spider, it's good luck, so I thought if you help a giant spider, it's giant good luck," Konnie explained.
"How do you measure the size of luck?" asked KJ.
"I have no idea."
"Well, if finding someone who kills and- well, who kills around six Reiak a day, then..." Tez said.
"See? What did I tell you?" Konnie asked, grinning.
"If you'll excuse me for a moment," KJ said. He closed his eyes, analyzing some of Tez’s DNA through the link to the computer.
"What's he-" Tez started to ask.
"No talkin’," Konnie snapped.
KJ opened his eyes. "You didn't want to tell us what you do with the Reiak after you kill them, did you?"
"No," Tez said.
"What do you do with them?" asked Konnie, curious.
"I, well- I eat them," said Tez, embarrassed. "I thought you might not want to know."
"Nah, it's fine," said Konnie.
"Speaking of which, are you hungry at the moment?" KJ asked.
"Yes," said Tez. "Starving, in fact."
"Right. I can fix that," said KJ. A blue bolt of lightning hit the air directly in front of Tez, and a Reiak appeared. The feeling that Tez had in the lab came back.
The Reiak looked around anxiously. "Hey, I'm alive!" it said happily "I thought I was going to die, but I didn't! Yay!"
"Is it real?" asked Tez.
"Yes. In fact, it’s an exact copy of one that I killed several days ago," KJ replied.
"What? I'm not a copy! I would remember something like that, but I don't! I was thinking I was gonna die a second ago, but I didn't!"
"Wow, this guy is annoying," said Tez.
"That's the reason I killed him," said KJ, making an apologetic gesture.
"I'm not dead!" the Reiak snapped.
"Well, you will be soon," said Tez, who had frankly had enough with the jabbering Reiak. He grabbed the Reiak and sunk his fangs into its neck. Tez decided to try a different method of killing this time, since he had just realized that he was venomous.
"Gaah! That hurts! I-" The Reiak stopped talking. Its eyes widened and it started gibbering and spasming. Tez dropped it.
"Those things are loud, man," said Konnie, covering her ears.
"Actually, I kinda enjoy it," KJ said.
The Reiak lay on the ground, shuddering and clawing at the lichen. Tez decided to end its misery. He grabbed it and took a large bite out of its shoulder.
"Does Reiak blood stain?" asked Konnie a few moments later, looking at her blood-spattered sweatshirt. By way of response, KJ xmanced a new one into her hand. "You are an awesome friend," she said.
"Don't get that one dirty," responded KJ. Tez stood there, breathing heavily. The calm feeling he got here was returning. "Are you going to use that for anything?" KJ asked, pointing to what was left of the Reiak. Tez shook his head. KJ walked over to the remains. Another bolt of blue lightning hit them and they disappeared. "They're high in lithium, which I use for batteries," he explained. Tez stared at him blankly. He didn't feel like talking at the moment.
"KJ is an Elemental," said Konnie.
“That would make sense.” The name of the species registered in Tez’s mind with a vocabulary entry and a burst of anxiety. The bad feeling must’ve been residual Reiak programming, since Elementals were known more for being revolutionaries than killers.
"What, did you lose your voice?" Konnie asked Tez.
"No." Tez sniffed the air. The smell of the Reiak's blood was overpowering.
"He's still hungry," said KJ. Five more Reiak appeared. Tez started to feel anxious again. Maybe the feeling was linked to being around Reiak. Tez quickly polished off the Reiak, and started to calm down again.
"So those are your services- six Reiak killed a day," said Konnie. "What's your fee?"
"I don't know. Shelter? Protection?" Tez shrugged.
"What do you say, KJ? Should we take him up on his offer?" Konnie asked, winking.
"That can probably be arranged," said KJ. "The Asylum is this way."


KJ pushed open the door to the Almighty Midgetman's office. The head of Midgetan was standing next to his desk, looking anxiously at the Midget who was scrubbing the plush carpet. He waved them in. "Does Reiak blood stain?" he asked KJ anxiously.
"You know, that's the second time I've been asked that today," said KJ. "It does. Can I see the stain?"
"Hey, idiot, move out of the way," the Midgetman said to the scrubbing Midget. The Midget on the floor looked up and growled. "I said move it, jerk." The cleaner stood up and shuffled out of the way, pouting. "That's Div Endersen," said the Midgetman. "He's the only person I've ever met who hates me. He's also about as sane as a solar-powered flashlight."
KJ bent down over the blue-stained carpet. He touched the stain, which glowed blue and vanished. "Wow, that's a cool power!" said the Midgetman excitedly. "Could you also do that blood spot from last year when Advisor-"
"Don't tell him!" yelled Advisor from a corner of the room.
"No," said KJ, getting up.
“Any other cool powers?”
“Tell you later,” said KJ.
"All right then," said the Midgetman. "Figured it was worth a shot." Just then, Div whapped him on the back of the head with the bottle of carpet cleaner. "What the bleep?" asked the Midgetman, turning around. "What are you trying to do? Parr!" The tall Ailu sidled up to the desk at the Midgetman's command. "Could you grab Endersen here and kick him to tomorrow noon?" Parr grinned and raised a foot to kick the offending Midget. "Wait, don't kick him. Just throw him in the dungeon for- well, it wasn't an assassination attempt... Hmm. Throw him in the dungeon for.... mutiny."
"You know we make mutants walk the plank!" said Weaponsmaster, shaking a fist at Anderson, who was being dragged away by Parr.
The Midgetman grinned. "Curse you Spider-man!" he said in mock rage.
KJ started to ask how the Midgets knew about Spider-man, but Konnie, who didn't notice the odd coincidence, interrupted him. "Speaking of spiders, we have someone we'd like you to meet. Tez, get over here!" Konnie yelled the last sentence in the direction of the hallway.
Tez walked in. "I was just admiring your colored picture of the Mandelbrot-" The Midgetman made a frightened noise and dove behind his desk. Advisor followed suit, but Weaponsmaster stared at Tez with an expression of awe, as if he was witnessing the first Space Shuttle launch.
"Sorry," said Tez. "I tend to have that effect on people."
"No, no, it's fine," said the Midgetman, sitting up straight in his chair, which he had landed in. "We just didn't know you'd turn out so well."
"What?" said the three people over four feet present, in unison.
"Programmer, would you mind pausing your game and coming in here?" asked the Midgetman. A Midget walked out of the adjoining room, holding a device that looked similar to a Gameboy.
"Hey, it's you!" said Tez, who had recognized Programmer immediately. The coder smiled and waved.
"You know this guy? Why didn't you tell us?" asked Konnie, waving her arms.
"You didn't ask," Tez pointed out.
"Right, now that all of you are in a state of utter confusion, we'll explain." said the Midgetman. "Once we found out about the Reiak, we got the idea to have someone stow away on one of their ships. Thanks to your techno-gadgets, we had a way to sneak in a double agent. We were planning to just have some random guy go in, but Programmer here - he's our chief programmer, hence the title - elected to go. He wanted to screw up all their computers, you see, and he didn't trust anyone else to do it right. He was putting himself at a major risk, but he insisted. It's a good thing, too. Well, anyway, Programmer got into a genetics lab, where he managed to get a genetic programming position. He's pretty much a natural at coding, and the particular language they used for genetic code was easy to understand. He got assigned to Project Tez over there, which - that is, who – was the major government focus at the time, and basically screwed up all of the code. But he screwed it up right."
"They programmed it their way during the day, I snuck in and programmed it my way during the night," continued Programmer. "They didn't even check their work! They prefer to just delete any code they messed up on, instead of trying to correct it. It makes for slow programming and easy trail-covering."
"Programmer did a good job of covering his trail, too," the Midgetman continued. "He was only found out after his work was done. He was forced to make an… erm... impromptu exit, but there were no casualties. At least not on our side. There was one on theirs, which was where that bloodstain came from."
"Looks like they didn't notice the modifications I made on the bomb, either, since you're still alive," added Programmer.
"Nope," said Tez. "They set it off as soon as you left."
"So basically you know more about Tez than we do and you should technically be showing him to us," finished Konnie
"More than you do," corrected KJ.
"Yep. Say, do you drink smoothies, Tez?" asked the Midgetman.
"I guess so. Why?" Tez responded.
"Because I'm gonna go get everybody smoothies!" the Midgetman yelled. He ran off down the hallway.
Several minutes later, Konnie, KJ, and Tez were walking towards the entrance, smoothies in hand. Tez drew a few stares, but he made rude hand gestures at everyone who stared at him, so they usually got the point that he was just another one of those weird aliens that had been walking around, not some sort of threat.
“So they know about Spider-man,” said KJ, almost disappointedly. “Guess that confirms our theory about their origin. And they were from even closer to my time than I thought.”
“Maybe the invaders in the Midget Bible are the Reiak,” mused Konnie.
“Oh God…” KJ hadn’t thought of that possibility, but it seemed completely plausible. And Earth might not be as easy to defend as Midgetan.
"I didn't know they made peppermint smoothies," said Tez, looking at KJ’s drink.