That Night Down by the River

That Night Down by the River

That Night Down by the River


“I love the way it smells after it rains,” I declared after waving my nose in the air for a whiff of that refreshing scent. She didn’t say anything, but that wasn’t out of the ordinary. Coversation was not her strongest characteristic, in fact, one might even say she traded in her speaking skills for good looks at the checkout counter for life. Just three days ago, in yet another attempt to make fun of her short comings, I had given her a book called “Talk to Me”, as a joke of course, for her birthday. It really wasn’t the time for that at the moment however. She was fealing pretty crummy and I needed to cheer her up. I looked around me as we hiked up the river. The sun was just going down and everything was starting to take on a different shade of grey and blue. The first of the stars were starting to show themselves after their long vacation during the day, and the sound of the creek was the only thing to listen to other than the crunching of our feet in the brush and sand as we walked.
I was trying my best to focus on the souroundings, knowing that if I looked at her for to long, I would only get caught up in thoughts of her beauty. After all, its not that often that you get to see a girl as gorgeous as Anna, in the fading light of a sunset, with the wind gently blowing in the hair to the side of her face and back. Not to mention, despite her best efforts, she was looking particularly cute due to the blatent frustration on her face. She’s so adorable when she’s mad.
I grabed a near-by weed and started to examine it. “I like to look at the simple things in life, like nature for instance. There is so much that seems simple at first glance but when you bring it closer and really start to look there is a massive complexity that we can barely begin to understand.” Looking at the tip of the plant I had just up rooted, I studied its development, its shape, the way it grew into itself and the hundreds of little pieces that all came together to make something simple yet splendid in its own way. A delicate pattern comes into view with increasing clarity as it is moved closer and closer to the naked eye. Everything that you can’t see from a distance, become crystal clear.
“Ironically, the complex things, the things that we think we can never figure out can become so simple and so clear if we can just take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture. See how it is that all the little things that were are beating our selves up about work together or with one another in God’s greater plan, and how it really creates something nice, if we can look at right.” I chanced a look at her face to see if she was taking in any of my wisdom. I felt pretty proud of myself for coming up with such a good analogy on the fly like that. She was really smart, I could see right through her blond hair to the gears ticking away inside her head, processing and questioning. I wondered if that was what I liked best about her. Unlike the others, she would question what I said. Not take things for granted, argue back, and sometimes, to my great dismay, prove me wrong. So I had no doubts that what I was saying would sink in rather quickly. Whether it would be of comfort was another question however. I needed to come up with something else to say pretty soon here or else the enevidable silence might become aquward.
“It’s not that,” she responded almost emediatly to my surprise. “I can figure it out ok, it’s not really complex or anything, everything they said makes sense and stuff, I just don’t like it, and I’m being stubborn, but I’ll get over it.” We hoped over a section of the creak as I thought about that. It seemed way to easy. I was so use to dealing with girls that seemed lost even if they were standing right in front of the door that they needed to go through. But Anna really wasn’t like your average girl after all. I mean she could actually stand up to me in an argument. Generally, I would shoot anyone I ever talked to down in under thirty seconds. And yet this little blonde girl actually found herself winning or stumping me sometimes. It was almost inexplicable. Her intelligence and problem solving skills were greater than many of the people I knew of my own age, even if she didn’t realize it. She was simply amazing.
“Well that makes my job easy I guess. I don’t have to convince you to not be mad and that everything is ok.” What to do now though. It took me just a moment to allow my default jack ass setting to turn on. “I guess all that’s left is to do a little dance and make you laugh,” I said as I broke into the most gradeous display of the embarasse the person next to you dance I could muster. I started humming my own horrible melody of do-do-dos to accompany my performance. My arms were flying into the air and my legs started to bend in weird directions while fingers were being pointed at everything and anything. I bent backwards to throw a few jabs at the sky before my finale leg kick marked the end of my little fiasco.
The dance and the damage to my self respect already done I looked over to see if my efforts had succeeded in their task of generating laughter. Anna stood with a look mixed between horror confusion and hysteria. Not really knowing how to react a small laugh escaped her lips with an astonished ‘ok…’ Good enough for me.
The mood had changed a little bit at least and she didn’t seem to be quite as grumpy as she had been, but you could tell that she was still thinking about it, probably going over and over it again and again a few hundred times more jus to make sure she hadn’t over looked anything. We were coming to a place that I hadn’t been to before. The creek was veiring off to the side and a small field with a path through it led to what appeared to be a haunted wood by the look of the trees. “Why do I feal like I’m in a horror movie all of a sudden?”
She grinned at me and confessed, “Oh, this is where we bring people so that we can kill them and burry them in the field where no one will find them.”
“Oh. Bummer. So is there like a group waiting to ambush me behind that log or something?”
“Yeah, but your not to bad so I thought I would give you a fair chance by warning you.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that.” It was good to hear her make a joke. Even if there was a rather sudden drop off speech as well as tempature at that point. I zipped up the jacket I had borrowed from her dad before leaving, counting on the walk taking some time. We started weaving along the path through the woods, listening to the sounds and looking at the shadows that were cast by the light of the moon. Eventually the path braught us back to the creek and a nice big log on the bank that I promptly sat down upon. She slowly followed suit and put herself on the edge of log, keeping an appropriate distance between the two of us. She sat with her arms folder in front of her resting on her legs and a little hunched over with her face ever thoughtful.
We both peered at the sand in the almost completely diminished light of the sun that was becoming dominated by the glow of the almost full moon. I picked up a near by twig and started to draw aimlessly in the muck. “Do you ever wonder what it was that Jesus was drawing in the sand right before he saved that one woman from being stoned?” She came out of her thoughts to give me an interested look, but didn’t really seem to have an answer. “I mean it seems odd that they would even mention that doesn’t it? I’m sure Christ did a lot of things like that but I don’t see any of the deciples writing about how he told a funny joke, or washed his clothes that one time. They only put stuff in that was significant or important in message or to his mission.
“Yet strangely enough it would seem that this one little detail about drawing in the sand was worthy of mention, and that kind of makes me wonder some times. What was it exactly that he was drawing? Did it have any significance at the time that he was drawing it to someone that was there. Or perhaps someone would come along latter and see that drawing and by the ordinanace of chaos theory, that drawing in the sand would completely alter their life in who knows how many ways hence forth altering the lives of all those that come into or would have come into contact with him if or because of that drawing, hence forth rewriting history in a sense, but really only creating the path that the lord wills.
“Or could it be that what ever it was that Christ drew, it was seen by no other than the author of that detail, so that it could be put into a testimony. The father guiding the hands of the writer as he recalls those events and weighing upon his heart to include that one random fact so that people like us way latter in the future would discuss it, and again hence forth change the path of events and or actions taken by any number of individuals to work towards the lord’s purpose in some way that way that we can never really comprehend.” I stopped to take a breath and to make sure that Anna was still with me. I needed a chance to see if I was actually going anywhere with this or if I was just going on about some random idea that I was making way more complex than it had to be just for the fun of thinking about it. I had a bad habit of thinking about stuff just for the fun of it, and it tended to annoy a lot of people when I did it out loud. However, Anna just had a smile on her face and an intent look in her eye as she watched me muse over these ideas.
I heard someone coming, and my heart leapt a little as I turned, half expecting to see her father coming to track us down and give us a scolding for coming all the way out here by ourselves. My eyes scanned the woods behind us but I didn’t see anyone approaching us. Yet the sounds continued to grow closer and at a rather large rate of speed. I was about to turn around again when a large black dog leapt from bounded out of the bushes right behind me. “Millie!” Anna exclaimed in surprise. Neither of us had really expected a visit from one of the dogs. “Your so bad! Go home!” She rolled her eyes and looked at me in annoyance. “I swear, that dog is so naughty, I can’t believe it.” A small smile crept over my lips as I looked at Anna and then at Millie who was now giving herself a bath in the creek.
Anna looked back at the river, and was quiet again. Done with her short cleaning frenzy, Millie was now going wild in the water, playing and splashing around. “You know, in some ways, God is kind of like a dog, don’t you think?” Anna turned and gave me a look with one eyebrow raised. The kind that makes you feel like if you don’t explain your self quickly, they are going to lock you up in a padded room for the rest of your life. “Well think about it some. And maybe I’m just a little crazy, trying to create analogies out of everything around us but, I think that it fits pretty well in this situation. Here we are talking because you’re feeling kind of down about stuff and from out of no where comes this dog. You didn’t want to be found by her, but she came to you none the less. Man’s best friend is what they call dogs. Well it seems to me that these are attributes that can be very easily related to the lord, don’t you?
“I think it would be fairly easy to say or suggest the idea that the lord is our best friend. If he isn’t our best friend, he sure as hell would like to be. It’s interesting how we can give the title of man’s best friend to something that was created as apposed to the creator himself. But anyway, the lord is always there for us, always tracks us down and finds us, even when we run away to the woods to hide from him, because this life of ours is to much, and we don’t want him to find us because we just want to be alone, but he does find us doesn’t he? The Lord is everywhere and in all things, in a sense I suppose. I feel sort of odd saying that because I don’t mean that this log we are sitting on his God, and that we are sitting on our savior, that’s just silly. But, I do mean it in the sense that he is omnipotent. He knows everything that there is to know, for he created everything that we perceive as reality.”
I looked up at the night sky, taking in a breath of air as I staired momentarily in wonder and awe at the stars in the sky and the vastness of the Lord’s creation. “Have you ever been to a planetarium?”
Anna shaked he head and said, “No, but I have heard about them, they sound really cool.” I nodded my head in agreement or perhaps in answer to that comment.
“They are really cool,” I started as I began to remember my trip with the youth group to the Bahamas and the planetarium that we had visited while we were there. “We went to one while we were in Nassau. It was absolutely amazing. They took us starting from earth and just kept zooming out and out and out, showing us all the things, and how enourmous the galaxy was, and how from there, that there are galaxies made up of galaxies. It was insane, how huge and magnificent and beautiful it all was. I have never felt so insignificant in God’s creation as when I was watching that. It really makes you appreciate the fact the the Lord actually cares about us. The smallest part of his creation, the individual, we are so miniscual and so insignificant in comparison to the rest of the things that he made, but he loves us the most.”
Looking down from the stars to look at her, I saw her shoulders twitch a little bit. “Are you cold?” I asked, feeling bad because I was still wearing the jacket, and was really very comfortable in it.
“No I’m fine,” she stated as she folded her arms a little tighter to try and get some warmth out of them. She was always trying to be tuff, or stick it out if it meant the other person would be better off. Something I really admired about her. I began to take the jacket off to give to her. “Kyle, don’t. I mean it. Keep the jacket on, I don’t want it. Kyle, NO!” She yelled as I placed the jacket around her shoulders. She emideatly striped it from her back and threw it in my face. Stubborn blonde. I once again placed the jack on around her to help stifle her shivers, and she once again removed it and threw it in my face with an intense look in her eye.
“Look, I’m not going to wear this, so you might as well put it on since you are the one that is cold. And don’t try and say that your not!” I interrupted her before she could try to deny it. I reached over to put the jacket around her shoulders once more and she moved away. I leaned farther over an placed it on her shoulders, but didn’t let go this time. I kept my hands firmly clamped around the jacket, keeping her from removing it. She squirmed but was unable to remove herself from my grip. She shot me a glare of frustration and began to really twist and pull at the jacket.
Suddenly twisting her torso around like a whip, I was ripped from my sitting postiotion on the log and flung to the sand behind Anna, but managed to maintain my hold. Seeing my disadvantage she decided to go in the opposite direction, hoping that I could stop her while lieing flat on my back. She went forward onto her feet and I came up onto my knees, carried by my hands that were all but glued to her shoulders. Decideding to turn the tables I pulled back and braught her tumbling over the log onto her back right on top of me. I used this chance to put her in a head lock and cover her up with the rest of the jacket and hug her tightly so that she couldn’t squirm out of the coat.
The only sound for a few moments was Anna’s angry grunts as she tested my grip. “Do you give up yet?” I asked nicely, chuckling a little as I said it. I could only imagine the look she was trying to give me through the back of her skull. However she did start to fight with a new passion and with one good kick and twist broke free and managed to leave both me and the jacket lying in the sand as she made her escape a few yards away. She stood there looking at me with a rather smug expression. An expression that of course to me was a challenge. I slowly stood up and grabbed the jacket from the moist sand under foot.
After a few shakes, to remove any loose muck from the coat, I stoped and gave a look of fore warning, then slowly began to walk towards her, getting just close enough so that I could… NOW! I rushed in at full speed, and just barely grabed her by the shirt before she could run from me. I spun and got a good chunk of it locked in my fist as I rotated, getting her balanced out of whack from being led around in circles by the side of her shirt. I got her in close and half heartedly through the jacket around the front of her. It was only being held in place by my arm but then I talked her to the ground and pinned her yet again. She faught and kicked and nearly escaped however, and as I grabed for an arm she twisted her other one free. She was up on one knee, and I had to act quick other wise she would win. I hooked an elbow around her knee and pulled up sending her straight back on top of me. I hooked my arms around he stomach like a big bear hug and just clamped down. She wasn’t going anywhere.
We just lay there for a while, with her in my arms, looking up at the sky. I decided that I should let go, because after all, this wasn’t really a good position for us to be in. I unclamped my arms and she rolled to the side. We lay there for what seemed like a long time in the tall weeds that we had fallen into, recovering from our struggle and starring at the stars. A deep sigh escaped from Anna, “It’s so hard hard ya know? I want to know what it is that God has in store for my life. I want to know what it is that’s going to happen to me, and what he wants me to do. And there are all these things that I want for my life and I don’t know if I can have. And its just so hard not knowing.”
Her words tickled me in a sense. It rang so true to my own wants and wonders. Looking at her and wondering, what could be with her. What would my life be like if she was the one for me. And if she was, how long would I have to wait to be with her. All that I wanted, all that I had ever wanted, was to find someone to love, and to love me back. And as I looked at her, starred into her eyes and wondered about the future, I found myself exploring the future with Anna at my side. I found myself at a candle lit dinner in the park. I found myself creating wonderful works of art out of the inspiration I had found in the form of a smile. I found myself becoming an author driven by passion. I found myself at an alter with the biggest smile on my face and the most beautiful woman I had ever seen at my side. I found myself back in the weeds looking into the eyes of the person I wanted to be with. I found myself feeling content, and more than content, I found myself excited and happy. I found… myself.
I took a breath, “It’s the hardest when there it is right in front of you, something that you want more than anything, and you don’t know if you can have it, or if the lord will let you have it, or if the lord will give it to you. You just know that you wish you could have it.”
A small chuckle of deep understanding came from Anna as she agreed, “Tell me about it.” She looked at me and I knew. She wanted to be with me also. So did I tell her how I felt? It was obvious to me that she wanted to be with me, but she couldn’t possibly know that I wanted to be with her. Or if she had thought of the idea, I’m sure she would have simply denied it as I had.
“I’m trying to decide whether or not I should tell you something.” Her eyes immediately began to sparkle with interest. She did a really good job of holding it in though.
“You can tell me if you want to,” she said in a sympathetic yet curious tone. It would seem that she thought I was troubled by something. Which in a sense I was, but not in the way that she was assuming. I longed to tell her, because if I did, she could return that, and we could be together. But at what cost, and what if she didn’t actually want to be with me. This could be a moment of truth.
“If I tell you this, it would mean that I have pretty much reached my highiest level of trust in you. That I’m not afraid to tell you anything anymore, and if I tell you this, I ask that you wouldn’t change how you act around me. That’s the last thing that I want to happen.” Her face was a little perplexed but she nodded. I grabbed at a large stick coming up from the ground and started trying to rip it in half. It was thick, and so didn’t break easily. I twisted and cracked it in several places as I took a deep breath and spoke. “Recently I have started to have feelings for you other than friendship.” My voice was wobbly and shaken, and it was surprisingly difficult to get those words to escape from my mouth. She blinked, speechless, it would seem.
A loud ring interrupted and cut through the silence like a flaming sword. It was my cell phone. Stupid, I should have turned it off. This could wind up to be one of the most important moments in my life and I just let it be interrupted by one of my stupid friends. I took the blasted thing out of my pocket and noticed that it was her Dad calling. Great, that’s so much better. He’s calling to make sure I’m not taking advanatage of his daughter alone at night in the woods. I flipped the phone open, “Hello?”
A voice came from the other end, “Hi Kyle, William. Uh, I was wondering if you guys were starting to head back yet, its getting pretty late, and so I thought I would just call and make sure, if you weren’t already that you started heading in this direction sometime in the immediate future.”
“Sure, we’ll start heading back right now,” I responded to his candid request.
“Thanks. I’ll see you in a little bit. Bye.”
“Bye.” I looked over at Anna who was torn between being curious about what was said and being confused about what I had said. “C’mon, your Dad wants us to head on back now.” She nodded and I extended a hand to help her on her feet after I quickly jumped to mine. I grabed the jacket up from its resting place a few feet away and we yelled for Millie and started heading back. “I hope you know where we’re going, cause I can’t see a thing.”
“Great,” she said with a laugh. “I was relying on your good vision to get us out of here.”
“Well I’m just going to follow Millie then, and assume that she knows where she is going. Our lives are in your hands now dog.” We trodded after Millie on what we hoped was a path. I looked over at Anna, who was still very much lost in thought it would seem. But I was still very much a nervous reck. What was she thinking. “So?”
“What do you mean, so?” She asked as she folded her arms to fight off the cold.
“So what do you think, about what I just told you?” I thought the question was pretty straight forward, but I could see how she would want to skirt around the bush about it.
“I don’t know…” The expression on her face made me believe her. She seemed to be rather confused. “I know I’m really cold.”
“Ha! Now you have to take the jacket, because you admitted to being cold!” I yelled as I threw the lump of cloth at her. Her expression was annoyed but she took the jacket without a fight and put it on.
“I’m to cold to argue with you,” she declared as if she could have disputed and defeated my point easily if she had so wanted to. I smiled at her, stuck my hands in my pockets and kept walking. We followed Millie out of the woods and back to where the river curved back towards her house. We stood at the bank and looked for a place to jump across. “I think I see a spot over there,” I pointed to a place that was a rather long jump, but also seemed to be the only place. I started towards it but Anna didn’t move. I heard a large sigh behind me and turned to see Anna grinning ear to ear and start spinning in circles. I could faintly hear her singing: la la la. I walked back over to her as she stopped and looked at me. I couldn’t help but smile and shake my head at her as I put my arm around her and started walking again.
For some reason, those circles that she had just spun in filled me with joy. It was as if those spins were her way of saying, that she was so filled with joy over how I felt for her that she just couldn’t contain it all inside of her. That she returned my feelings and that she wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with her. It was intoxicating, and I found myself giggling and smiling. We played and laughed and joked the whole way back to her house. We were about two hundred yards out when I asked again. “So you know how I feel now, and by the way you have been acting, I have to assume that you are not thouroughly against the idea. But you havn’t said how you feel about me.”
“I don’t know Kyle. I’m not very good at putting things into words, even when I can figure out what it is that I am thinking. I really don’t know what I feel. I just know that… Uh… You’re awesome Kyle, everything about you I really like, and I can’t think of anyone else that I would rather be with. You… everything about you is exactly what I have always sort of thought I would like in someone. I don’t know I can’t really explain it that well, but I really like you Kyle.” She looked at me in hope that her explination hadn’t disappointed me.
I don’t think I’ve ever had a bigger smile on my face.