Bishounen Muyou: Kagato's Revenge part 1 of 3

Bishounen Muyou: Kagato's Revenge part 1 of 3

Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyou and all it's various characters, continuities and carrot crunchers are owned by AIC and Pioneer LDC

-The Bishounen Muyou Project Welcomes You Too-


The demon had finally gone limp.

Only the sound of labored breathing and the crackle of an energy sword dared break the terrible silence. The young woman was afraid to move, even though her arms felt like they were about to fall off. Fully extended, both hands gripped a wooden handle; her knuckles, a rather ashen white. Three newly arrived gems sparkled on the weapon's pommel. Where the hilt ended, the amber shard of light continued to hiss and pop angrily.

The demon lay motionless, suspended in mid-air by the blue shaft of power, piercing his throat and currently burning its merry way through. The creature was almost weightless; as if it didn't really exist at all. The metallic taste of blood on her lips said otherwise.

Her arms hurt, her ribs hurt, her DNA hurt... everything hurt.

Why is it when the powers that be ask you to do these sort of things, they always forget to mention the pain? Sure, you knew when you took the assignment that it was going to be risky. Your life on the line, only yourself standing between the forces of darkness and the extinguishing of all existence.

They always seemed to fail to add in, "Oh and afterwords, you're going to feel like someone ran you over with an intergalactic ballistic rodent!"

Come to think of it, that's almost exactly what happ-

"N- Noooo!"

Oh damn.

"Not this easy, not by a long-shot!" Green eyes suddenly opened, affixing the young woman with their cool, ruthless contempt for life in general and hers in specific. Then slowly, as though every movement was agony, the creature grabbed a hold of the energy beam itself and began to scream.

The demon's gloves burst into greenish flames on contact; searing, melting and finally evaporating. Howling as white gauntlets gave way to tender flesh, he pulled himself forward, inch by terrible inch. Growing in power as though the demon's flesh were fuel, the blue gave way to white. As it surged, he simply slid forward, down the hilt and toward her.

"Oh god, please stop! Stop it right now!" The young woman's nostrils filled with an odd mix of sulfur and ozone. She could feel his foul presence looming into her personal space.

Skeletal, steaming hands reached forward, touched fabric and then began to pull the young woman's shoulder into two differing directions. There was the sound of something ripping and then the girl screamed.

Seven hundred years or so later....


A Mad, Bad, Bishounen Lad Production:
Bishounen Muyou: Ken-Ohki! OAV #1
"Kagato Resurrected!"
Part 1 of 3
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Another young woman was on an adventure of her own, though having a better time of it.

The girl was currently deep within the bowels of an infamous cave, searching for a legendary monster that had defined her families' mythology. In her right hand was a set of rusty keys, stolen on a rebellious whim in a last ditch effort to salvage an otherwise miserable summer vacation spent shrine shellacking and lecture listening.

In her other hand she held tightly to a hunk of wood with a trio of gems embedded in its lower half. To the right fedora-clad archaeologist, it would have been worth a good boulder chase followed by pygmies armed with poison-tipped Uzi's. To her; it was a phenomenal waste of time.

Her name was Tenchi Misaki.

It was one of those odd little names that actually meant something, as behooved a shrine maiden in training and apparently indentured servant to her grandmother. Ten, Chi, or heaven and earth. It was all terribly noble, terribly spiritual and terribly weird.

It was the sort of thing you got used to though. Some of her classmates had laughed, claiming that not only was it odd, but was actually a BOY'S name. Humph, what did they know? Tenchi was most definitely a girl's name. It had to be as it was her name, and she was most definitely a girl.

Of Course, she was a bit on the lean side, and sometimes had trouble proving it. However her body had finally started to make due on the promises of adulthood. Maybe the mountain air was doing them some good.

Regardless she had decided she was going to have a chat with her mom.

This was the last summer she planned on wasting here. Grandmother Aeka would have to look for her replacement elsewhere. It's not like Achika had taken up the official blazer badge, bokken and banzai tree like her mother had been supposed to. So why should her daughter?

Still, it wouldn't do to let the summer go by without one final desperate plunge into the ultimate of forbidden territory. Besides, something was about to happen. Tenchi could feel it.

It was that feeling explorers got just before new sea routes were discovered to exotic lands with their exotic natives filled with exotic viruses. Of course, it also tended to herald the odd screaming plummet as
unlucky sailors sailed off the edge of Terra Firma and straight into the final frontier. Still, edge or VD, there could be no denying it. Any moment now and things would change, forever.

Yep, just a few more steps and she'd be there. Wherever that there happened to be. She'd bask in the glow of newfound discovery and declare triumphantly, "Hokay, now which way is out?"

Tenchi sighed. Her knees were getting sore, her clothes were a mess and all for some odd tingling in her spine. It'd probably turn out to be a few
fossilized yak bones arranged to look menacing.

Still, it would be better then nothing and certainly a good deal more rewarding then listening to another Aeka speech on the various necessities to keeping one's goodies in check. Bah, she had just gotten the things and now she was supposed to keep them under wraps and constantly supervised? The old girl was just jealous. The seemingly mandatory mammary augmentation that came with puberty had skimped her a wee bit.

Mother certainly didn't seem to have had the same problem, but their lateness in coming had worried Tenchi as to which side of the family tree her fruits heralded. Achika had tried to assure her regardless of their appearance, saying that grandfather had always found grandmother quite fetching. Then she'd mumble something about whips and a dog collar. After that she'd be gone, her mind caught in some disturbing imagery from the past.

Tenchi had wisely never asked.

After all, Tenchi had once almost caught her own Achika and her dad, doing the deed. If she hadn't knocked over the video camera, sound system and light reflectors... who knows what sort of permanent mental scarring might have taken place?

Turning back to the matter at hand, Tenchi paused to examine the keys.

Humph; flat or not, the old broad had some amazing sensitivity in her chest region. It took every bit of skill the young girl possessed just to snag the
old keys from their hiding place, close to Aeka's heart. The slightest mistake could have ended both a night's adventure and any chance of seeing anything but the wrong end of a mop and bucket.

Such was the cave's taboo.

Tenchi paused to reflect on the first time she had looked down the long corridor of darkness and stone that seemed to yawn its way to the very depths of the Earth. "Grandma, what's in the shrine cave?"

She had been a little slip of a girl, barely nine when she had interrupted her grandmother's lecture on the dangers of doing something called "This
and That."

Aeka had looked down at her youthful heir. "A genocidal madman from outer space with delusions of sanity and enough raw power to knock stars out of their orbit."

"Wha-?"

"Ahem! I mean a demon! A terrible rampaging monster that made all sorts of rude comments about my figur...! I mean about a certain saintly princess' figure. She took a mighty weapon and cleaved the beast in two. Afterwords she proclaimed proudly, 'nyah, nyah, whose the smarty now?' and then buried him deep within this cave. She had some thoughts about having the whole thing sealed over in concrete and then lighting it on fire... but never got around to it."

"Oh." The young girl had slowly digested it all, saving it for some rainy therapist session when things got stale. Then she had looked back up to her matriarch with curious eyes and asked, "Grandma? Why is grandfather afraid of spurs?"

Shaking the memories from her head like root beer boozels stuck too deep in the cranium, Tenchi glanced back down at the "mighty weapon." It was upon pulling it out of its hiding place that the tingles in her spine had started their merry dance that even now pulled her toward further mystery. Ever since then, she had repeatedly inspected it, hoping to find something, anything, that might hint at its true powers. It had to have some, didn't it?

The more unassuming, the more phenomenally cosmic, right?

She was starting to feel a bit stupid. It was unassuming alright; basically a hunk of wood connected to a rusty blade of some sort. Even that was gone after she had whacked it against a rock... for purely scientific reasons of course.

Granted it was rather nicely carved and the three crimson studs on its pommel were kind of pretty.

They especially sparkled in that green glowing light up ahead.

Errr, wait a second...?

Peering forward, she saw the cavern slope down suddenly with water funneling down odd grooves in the floor; all the way down to some radiant opening. Careful not to slip, as that was simply a moronic thing to do, she made her way down to the lower depths. It was then that she saw what all the
luminescence was about.

"It's just a large glowing light. No problem." Tenchi swallowed hard, approaching carefully. Then she paused, tapping the hilt to her head. "Unless its nuclear. Then my hair would fall out; to say nothing of the problems inherent in growing extra body parts."

She shook a fair number of black, silky locks as she came to a rational decision, turning her back to the odd glow. "Come to think of it, puberty is confusing enough. To hell with it, I'll just give the keys back
to grandmother Aeka and-"

"OOoooooooohhhhh!"

"...!"

"Oooooooooooohhhhh!"

"Nope, no good will come of this."

The moaning was originating from behind her. Now she was perfectly sensible enough to realize that in such a situation, the last thing you do is turn around. But the tingling was not so much dancing throughout her backside anymore as it was simply moshing.

Besides, nothing amazing ever happens to sensible people. Just look at her grandmother. Aeka sure as hell wouldn't be down here in the middle of the night.

Tenchi was most definitely not her grandmother! Steeling herself for whatever the wild wonderful universe had in store for her, the young woman
turned around. The chamber walls seemed to shimmer green as emerald liquid splashed about a small pool.

Then she noticed the figure rise from it all, neon fluid draining about its form.

Something dark, glowing, and emaciated to the point of see-through, looked down at itself and said, "Ooooohhhh dear. I seem to be missing some bits. Fancy those not preserving. Excuse me miss. You wouldn't happen to have a robe handy, would you?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Not even a towel or- or something...?" The thin male figure watched the young woman scramble up the sloped entrance and far out of sight, screaming the whole way. "Well that was rather rude."

"Still," he paused to reflect, pulling a pair of mini shades from some pocket dimension beyond our own and placing them on his nose, "she also rather cute."


***


It was a few days later.

Tenchi was at school; vacation come and gone with little fuss and less ceremony. Her only real souvenir of adventures almost had was hunk of wood
encrusted with red orbs. It was currently stuffed in her Ura backpack. She fumbled around with her school bag, studiously ignoring the mighty weaponry. Most of the day had been spent trying not to think about naked, glowing, anemic men with deep throaty voices that made you go all gooey and stupid.

"Tenchi!"

That nasal voice, like a drain being unclogged with phenomenal coherency, could only come from one person. Looking up confirmed her suspicions. It was indeed Amagasaki. Tenchi was a bit wary of the large girl. It wasn't that they had ever had any problems or anything. It was just that, well, she didn't really look like a girl. She looked more like some obese guy wearing a girl costume in order to snag cheap peeks in the locker room.

It was the nose that tipped you off. Still, a friendly voice was a friendly voice. "Hiyah Amagasaki."

"Soooo, what did you do on your vacation?"

"Oh you know me. Up in the hills with grandma, cleaning shrines and learning about that special time of the month for the hundredth time since age twelve. That and what to do to combat that not so fresh feeling."

"Awwww, didn't you even meet any boys?"

"If you were a boy, would you go off traipsing in the mountains just to pick up shrine girls?" Tenchi sighed.

An odd sparkle lit Amagasaki's glasses. "Yes! There you'd be, all hot and sweaty from mind numbing hours of kneeling, standing, and kneeling again... wearing silk white robes, reflecting your unsullied
virtuous virginal body; just waiting for a youthful virile lad with dewy eyes and great hair and pants bulging with-"

Tenchi knew that if the train of naughty thoughts weren't derailed, there was no telling where it would lead or what stops it would make. "And would you risk my grandmother's wrath should you get caught?"

Amagasaki paused, shivering at the thought. "Hell no."

"Right. The only guys stupid enough to attempt to take advantage of Aeka's grandbaby are naked, glowing, anemic men with deep, throaty voices that make you go all gooey and stupid," Tenchi asserted, her mind drifting on some rather torrid mental rapids.

Amagasaki blinked and cried, "Tenchi! Don't tell me you were so frustrated, you downloaded the new Bondage Enema-fantastic Doujinshi with a curious Krillian and a naughty Piccolo exploring each others feminine sides?"

Tenchi blinked, her internal raft plunging over the infinite tumbling falls that was Amagasaki. "Ummmm, no. I don't recall doing anything remotely like that."

"Oh. Well darn, there's the bell. See ya Tenchi!"

"See ya," Tenchi waved with an affixed smile. She waited till the girl was firmly out of sight, though never full out of mind, before continuing in a mutter, "freak."


***


Tenchi was dreaming, her mind off skittering the wild blue yonder that was the infinite within ourselves. Her body was resting rather uncomfortably on the roof of the school, a small rock digging in her back for the duration, something she'd regret later. It was a favorite spot for the thoughtful. Being up here, you could get away from everyone for just a little while and just be.

And should reality finally go snap like the rubber joints of a G.I. Joe wound far too tight, it could even double as a clock tower. Of course finding armament was a pain. The bows and arrows they used for gym lacked a certain, satisfying, fully automatic flavor.

Oh well. It was still good for napping. And thinking about naked, glowing, anemic men with deep throaty voices that made you go all gooey and
stupid.

Tenchi snoozed as lurid shapes drifted in and out of her subconscious; all of them lit with a greenish glow. Through it all, the figure was there. He
stood, illuminated sometimes and then sometimes drenched in shadows. The neon fluid dripped at odd angles. Shriveled body, visible bones, missing nether regions.... yeah! A girl could really go for a guy like that.

"Alright, that's just sick."

"Who said that?" Tenchi cried, looking about.

"Behind you," the voice taunted.

Tenchi spun but couldn't catch so much as a peripheral shift that hinted to the newcomer's identity.

"No, no! Behind yo- look, stop spinning like a top! It's me, the cat thingy strapped to your back," Ura grumbled.

"It can't be. Backpacks don't talk."

"Look girlfriend, if you're going to assert reality every time it starts getting a little weird, you're never going to get through this," the furry schoolbook conveyance chided, shaking its mane. "Hokay, here's the deal; you're dreaming, so I can talk. You can think of me as the left side of
your brain, pointing out the flaws in your current flights of Harlequin-esque fancy."

"What do you mean?" Tenchi grumped, not sure she appreciated being talked down to by something with a strap and extra pockets for Pocky storage.

"What do I mean? You're two steps to the left of a wet dream with tall, dark and anatomically incorrect over there. That's what I mean!"

"Well," Tenchi thought about it. It did seem kind of ridiculous, even a little Amagasaki-flavored. But there had be something to her wicked musings. "His voice! Now come on, that was damn sexy, right?"

"Have you ever looked at any male voice actors? Even the sexy sounding ones?"

"Yeah, and some of them are quite handsome and-"

"I was referring to American VAs."

"Errr, ick. Well now that you mention it." Tenchi bit her lower lip, thinking. "You're right I suppose. I guess I should just put it all out of my head and- hey, you're disappearing!"

"Is it first my body, then face, leaving only a smile?"

"No. It's sort of a full body, getting all kindsa see-through, affair."

"That means you're waking up." Ura faded in and out a few times, but was finally replaced by a whole lot of not being there.

Tenchi looked around. Everything was fading or melting, as dreams rarely do anywhere except bad flashback sequences. Only the figure before her still seemed firm, round and fully packed.

"It's a shame, I guess I'll never know who you really were. Heck, all the times I've heard the story and I've never even learned your name," Tenchi shrugged.

A voice reached into her dreamworld, shattering the few spinning fragments that were left and plunged her face first into the chill of full-fledged wakefulness.

"Ka-ga-to."



End part 1 of 3