How to become a successful artist

How to become a successful artist

How to become an original artist

Step 1: Convince people you're unique. The key is being subtle about it. Casually bring it up into conversations. Remember to make yourself look like an ARTISTIC douchebag. This can be achieved by describing how you have four hours of sounds you recorded at the beach on your iPod, and you listen to them while painting pictures of yourself with your own bodily fluids.

Step 2: Create some sort of character with a disease, illness, or mental disorder that you made up yourself. For example, you may create a character who thinks arching his eyebrows can summon dead cattle. While you're at it, give him a name that screams "different". For example: Kayzeerotharox. Always make sure to have an 'x' in their name, or else they are just like everyone else.

ALSO: Making your character look sleep depraved adds bonus points and makes him look unpredictable.

Step 3: Give him strange body mods, like a pierced-together lip or a gauged eyebrow. It will give the illusion that he is artistic, just like you create the illusion you're artistic by smoking two packs of obsolete cigarettes and eating 60 cent noodles completely dry.

Step 4: Now, even though it looks like you've conformed to non-conformiy, insist that your character is completely original, and not like any other character on any other social networking website or underground comic.

Step 5: Now that you've created your character's image, find your own. What do you look like now? Who cares? Go get a tattoo of Godzilla holding a sign that says "Free Tibet" on someplace where everyone will see it. How about your forehead? Bonus points if you give Godzilla a mohawk.

NOTE: Nobody will think you're a cool, well known artist unless you have a friend that does tattoos or piercings. So, go make some friends, you social paraiste.

Step 6: Become a hyper-vegan. Don't eat anything that's chemical composition includes carbon. It'll show how hardcore you are, and chicks/scrawny men dig artists that care more about carrots than their dying grandma.

Step 7: Straighten your hair if it isn't already, and then hire a bunch of mentally handicapped 4 year olds with astigmatism to cut it. Dye it something unique, like the color of your skin, or light blue. Then, bleach it in random spots.

Step 8: Listen to underground ska. Even if you hate it. Go to lot of 21+ clubs. Smoke more than usual. If you don't even smoke, just inject yourself with melted butter. It'll make you look daring.

Step 9: Throw a lot of parties, but don't dance. It'll seem like you have something to hide and make people more intrigued with you.

NOTE: Artists never share their emotions with anybody else? You have a girlfriend right now? Fuck that bitch! Cheat on her like no tomorrow, video tape it, and send it to her enclosed with a letter talking about how she was uncaring and unappreciative of your creativity. Bros before hoes!

Congrats! You are now an artist! Now it's time to actually draw something!