blue skies, sunny days...

ugh something is wrong with sheezy's uploader
i have a sun fetish..
opencanvas is something i want to tame, it's fun to do painterly things in it even though it all has to be on 1 layer..


it amazes me how since the beginning of summer, i have had the most unpredictable, ironic, yet blissful time of my life. it's so weird. i mean, hell. i've changed so much over this summer in so many ways. i've make a lot of stupid mistakes, but in a way i'm glad they happened because now.. i've never been so sure of myself in my life. is that weird? to look back on things you regret and actually be happy with them?

now to boot this mild cigarette want. i haven't smoked in over 2 weeks and i rarely ever smoke, but the want is there. especially when something bad happens, oh god, my first thought is "a cigarette would make this so much better." it's kind of funny how the older i get, the more i notice how much i'm like my parents in the way i act and the things i do. both my parents were chain smokers (dad still is, mom may be), so if i get addicted it ain't gonna be pretty. funny how you don't learn from your parents mistakes as well, or how you go back on your own words. this makes me go back to how i used to tell myself "i will be a better mother than mine ever was." i wonder if i can fulfill that or if i'll be the same as my mom.

this is a rare insight into my thoughts/life, ISNT IT NICE... i'm sorry i wanted to rant somewhere and get my thoughts down like someone cared.

don't get me wrong, though. today i am actually very happy. reflecting is good.