To my dear friends

To my dear friends

To my dear friends
-even such who don't talk to me much nowadays, or at all
More honest than usual
Anton

O Margo, Queen, how do I miss the days of old
I worshipped you, and others that I loved
Save for my wounds and ails I was concerned with naught
When I was foolish, simple was my world

Young and naive, sincerely I did deem
My friends as gods, and thought that I should seek
Salvation through their grace, not seeing that I did
Enshroud their face with images, with lies, with my fool dreams

I wonder if it pained you, if it made you cry
To see me err so gravely, or had it made you smile
To see me glee and merry as I did deny
The deepest of your hurts, thinking pain mine by right?

Then I grew older, wiser, learned to recognise
That layers of bright paint stood veil over my eyes
I had to bring it down, I brought my sharpest knives
And stood the task, and cut through multitudes of lies

But O, what agony- though times these knives had slipped
And down my living flesh they stuck and twisted deep
Sharp steel had never wounded cruel as truth now did
Afeared and ashamed, I fell and I did weep

For while my petty torments were at times quite cruel
Near yours they paled, fool games, and I myself a fool
Your wounds cut deeper, and your blood flowed true
No, never had I right to think I envied you

And yet I love you all the more now
Towards all pain these days I'm drawn
Perversely brightly shines sweet sorrow
To me, who'd at its altar bowed

I dreamed awhile to right what Life's wronged
To mend I longed what's in you broke
I'd be your knight, with horse and bright sword
And nevermore you'd cry or hurt

But dream I may, yet knight am not I
My own wounds bleed, try as I might
Skill is to cure your sorrow not mine
Powerless is my hard earned sight
* * *
I truly hope that happiness some day you will achieve
With me, I used to fancy, I know now it can't be
If that shall ever happen- you'll owe no thanks to me
Long years these dreams lay broken- yet they do hurt me still

Stay by your side I'll rather- and do all that I can
Small are my powers, surely- but even that might help
O, do not judge me harshly- that I already had
Please, think of me with kindness- I ask no more than that