Something small and honest

'Why did this have to happen to me? Why was I given such a heavy and unfair burden when I have done nothing wrong...?' Was what the man asked himself from himself. Sitting alone in a colder room in a hospital bed, the treatments for the day over but did it cheer him up? Maybe some but not so much as he hoped. The seconds and minutes feeling like hours for him, each day sitting there and being treated, given medicine to fight off an illness which was more than enough bad to just say out.

'I had done nothing to recieve such a burden, so why? Why?' Were the thoughts running in his head. Who wouldn't think this way if they had lived as well as they could without anything that could increase the chance of getting cancer? He never drank alcohol, he never smoked or tried drugs, he moved somewhat oftenly and he also had strong faith in God and yet, and yet... 'I have it... An illness that could kill me in the end.'

"When thinking now, I admit that I was thinking like that and still do every now and then about my condition. Why me? Why me who believes in God and hasn't done anything wrong against him or tried anything like alcohol, drugs or smoked a single cigarette? But I guess everything has a meaning. Everything had to have a meaning. When I first heard about this I was mmore than shocked as anyone could believe and then maybe regretted that things were this way but...

But never once did I regret being alive. If I have anything which pains me now, its that my chances to enjoy a normal young adults life away just cause of some Doctor who didn't care to check up my pained leg earlier than he could have. Yes, I do regret, I do somewhat hate him for his mistake which has me now living with restrictions but do I hate life as it is? Do I have intentions to give up and die off without doing anything?

In a simple word, No. I have no intention to give up before the gong from God himself sounds to me and calls me there. Life right now is like being in a boxing ring, each round is sounded with each new finding about how the treatments goes and just hanging in there mentally when body says "its too much to handle". Dreaming of what the future could be like and what to experience in the future is one of the most important things to own at this time, as is to respect and honor human life by living it out the fullest even when things would be against you as much as they are, and of course... Believing in God.

Yes, I guess those three are the most important ones to remember. Having dreams, respecting/honoring life itself and having faith in God, with those I have managed to go forth." The man pondered to himself before smiling a bit. He wasn't alone for he had support from God, his parents and family, friends, relatives and owned a positive look in life.

"No matter how much I will need to struggle, I won't give up fighting." So he says to himself.

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Please don't laugh this is my first honest deviant post in text and its honest thoughts of how I feel at times about my sickness. I am that patient in the text, and as much as I want to say I aren't sick, I am healthy as a horse, I know the limitations now. But, sometimes this way one experiences life more differently and purely than those without this kind of situation. Having sat long long times in hospital, I've seen how humor helps alot and how titles between people vanish instantly. Strangers become roommates and comrades in arms almost in this fight and supporting each other has a special meaning there then. If any of you care to hear more of how it's been in the past, feel free to ask for more and I'll tell.