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Letter to 'young' me.
Dear Young Katie,
Uhm, hi. I'd first like to tell you that you need to enjoy your younger years as much as possible. The false sense of security and happiness won't last long. Cherish it because it's all downhill from there. Now listen up, this may get lengthy. We'll start from where I can remember...
You will go to an average public school and do quite well there. You could read before you got there and the teachers all liked you. You weren't a troublemaker, and were always quiet. Over the next few years you will have many conflicts with friends and gain a puppy-love boyfriend for a while. Remember him, it'll be a while until you get the next one.
In forth grade you will be given detention once, and two days of in-school-suspension. Don't worry about it, it'll be worth it later. You will seemingly lose the two best friends who were involved it that, because you will be split up in fifth grade. You will make friends with some lesser populars and revolve around their circle for a few years. The only thing you'll get in trouble for here, is reading while the teacher is talking. Don't worry, do it anyway. You will also meet your first REAL best friend. She goes to another school, but in the summers and weekends, you're practically glued to each other. She's the best thing that ever happened to you.
Sixth will be good for you. You'll start the long, daunting process of finding where you belong. Also the ass-hole bully next door finally went to middle school, so you're free from the torment, for now. If I could advise anything, I will tell you to kick his ass when you had the chance. Don't just take it, or 'ignore' it. It doesn't work. Knock his face in. You'll thank me later. You'll go preppy this year, to try and fit in with your fifth grade friends. It won't work and all the money you made your parents spend on Aeropostal will mostly be wasted. That summer you will turn 'emo-punk'. Be proud you were one of the original 'emos'. Your 'bad' streak will return slightly, and you'll think your hot-shit and so awesome. You're not. But try to hold onto that confidence, you won't have a shred left later.
Seventh grade will be the worst year of your life (so far). You'll lose most of your friendships simply for being absent too much, because you had a bad gastrointestinal problem. Everyone will seem to forget about you. You will be absent for 74.5 days total. c: However, you manage still to do quite well in school, even for not being there. You were always quite smart, and you have street smarts (which I still wonder how we've acquired, you grew up in the county...), so you have a nice balance. You will begin to fall into your depression that year and develop your self-esteem and trust issues. These will last. So will the scars. You will find Sheezyart and make it home to your bad art.
Over that summer and next year many things will happen. You will get your first real boyfriend, your first french kiss with a boy, you'll stop being 'emo' because it's gotten too common, you'll be best friends with another, you will start to realize many many things about life, you will start cyber school in eighth grade and continue for the next few years, and nothing much else will happen except drama. More friends will come and go, but you remain with your two best friends.
Ninth grade is boring, your family's too poor to go anywhere or do much. Get used to having barely enough money to get by. Your first best friends friendship will feel like it's starting to fade, and this hurts you deeply. I'm currently working on mending this, so I'll let you know how that goes, somehow. Sometime that year you will become best friends with your other best friends ex. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be writing this, because I'd be dead. They always said 'third times the charm', does that apply to suicide as well? I guess we'll never see, because you made a promise to him, that you wouldn't kill yourself, and he promised never to leave you behind. He will know more about you than anyone else will, probably ever. I'm telling you now, DON'T fall in love with him. Especially the second time you do. It'll be the hardest. Thankfully a little Wiccan spell will take care of that, and you will no longer feel the heartache for/from him. You moved on. It was hard, but worth it. It hurt too much to wait any longer for something you knew couldn't work.
And we're still making up the rest. Jeez, you're still so young, but so grown up at the same time. Let's hope for a brighter future.
***
There are other little things happening over the course of all these years. In no particular order; you will be bi-curious for a while but you are straight, you will learn about Catherine and It (good luck with that one, haha, oh boy...), you will have many crushed crushes and a long distance relationship on the internet for about two weeks, your art will get better along the way, you will realize how much you are a third wheel with your one best friend (this will contribute to your depression), you will have many suicidal thoughts and later thoughts of running away, your sleep schedule will change dramatically, you will notice you are psychic and can sense spirits and auras, you will develop your 'icy' heart, you will learn that some emotions aren't needed and you will discard fear, anger, jealously and use calmness very often, happiness and love when it comes now and then, and sadness over takes you sometimes.
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