Sweet Pain - Chp. 4 Like a Rebirth

Sweet Pain - Chp. 4 Like a Rebirth

4.
Like a rebirth

I grabbed his hair, pushing myself closer to him, finally pressing him towards my body as I had been dreaming of all day. I didn’t think, didn’t breathe, didn’t care; I finally had him inside my reach, and I was not letting him go. My hands finally got to examine his chest, his back, his hair and his neck, as I moved my lips with his for the first time. They were soft, much softer than I could’ve ever imagined, and they were fierce. It only made me hunger for more, more power, more love. Only I got him everything would be perfect.

His hands were all over my body as well. At first he had them supportively under my head and neck, pressing me as close to him as I wanted to be. But as I got my arms fixed around his head with my hands in his hair, which was much softer and thicker than it looked, he moved himself more comfortably around me.

He ripped off my singlet as easily as if it was made of paper, and the bra much easier. I was ignorant about that. He could touch me as much as he liked. It felt wonderful, as if a shock shot out of his fingertips every time he touched my skin. It made the hair all over my body stand straight up, still his skin felt perfectly hot to me. It was fantastic, nothing I’d ever felt before.

He breathed my name every time he moved his lips from mine, with many complains from me of course, to either kiss my chest or neck, or to smell my hair. And I breathed his, his real name. It was too mocking to call him Minni at a moment like this, also I think he appreciated Benjamin more.

I let one hand follow his chest down to his bellybutton, over all the scars which I could see so much clearly now that I knew about them. They felt so significant to my fingertips, it almost annoyed me, but I didn’t let this disturb my moment. Our lips moved back and forth, our tongues softly examined each other’s mouths; we were in deep.

He kissed my breast carefully, but then he kept going down my stomach as I had done just before. His kisses were like the careful breathe of the wind, the way it had felt like when I had been human, and I wondered why the hell I had been trying to maintain myself today, instead of doing this. I was stupid. I should have known that if we liked each other as good as I had thought, we shouldn’t have been apart. Those unnecessary things like feeding and breathing were pointless without him. What the heck had I been up to the last 10 years? At only one minute my whole life as a vampire seemed wasted. That was annoying.

I growled at myself for letting myself down in a moment like this, and it made Minni stop kissing me. That only made me growl again.

“What is wrong?” he said, his eyes were bright red, and I was sure I was about to drown in them.

“Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s wrong!” I hissed impatient. I didn’t want for him to stop, never! He smiled, this time he looked absolutely happy, like nothing in this world could make him fall apart again. That made me blissful, and I only held him tighter to my body as I kissed his neck and chest.

He finally ripped off my tights, which I probably had to explain for Rosalie later. His Hands caressed my right thigh, and he laid himself over me with his full body strength. I stretched out my hands to take his face closer to mine, before I pressed my lips onto his again.

Even though it was merely 7 o’clock when we had got to my room, we stayed together all the rest of the day and the night. It was right that the time passed too quickly. If it had been my choice I would have laid like that with him for the rest of my life, never needing to get up, never needing to be with any others, never anything. Only him and me!

I thought about how I had wished I had a soul mate, and I remembered how Carlisle had been speaking with me this afternoon, which seemed to be more than a hundred years ago. I figured he was right. I was damn lucky to have found Benjamin, and I couldn’t see how I could live without him now. And the night also seemed to make so much more sense to me now than before.

“How are you feeling?” Minni whispered. His eyes were steady fixed in on mine, and it made me feel warm inside. We were still holding tightly onto each other, lying on our sides, staring into each other’s eyes. I could never get enough of that face, ever. Even though I had studied every tiny wrinkle, every set of his mouth, every spot in his flawless eyes, I couldn’t get enough.

My hand rested upon his cheek. It felt hot on my skin. He held his arms protectively around me, while I laid playing with his hair, or caressing his face, or kissing him gently from time to time. This was the closest I would ever come to paradise, I was sure of it.

“I’m feeling exclusively wonderful,” I breathed, and smiled blissfully. His retuning smile made me catch my breath, and over again I had to touch his lips with my fingers. His finger caught them and started kissing them softly; first at all the fingertips, then the inside of my hand, until he finished by kissing me softly and long on the top of my hand. It made me giggle. Minni’s expression made his face look entirely peaceful. I exhaled.

“Why are you asking?” I asked him curiously. He shrugged.

“I don’t know. I’m just not used to this, you know,” he laughed under this breath, and dragged his hand through my hair. It felt good, like a dog being patted on his belly.

“Not used to what?” I bit my under lip, but I wasn’t quite sure about the difference between what I was expecting to hear and what I wanted to hear.

“There’s something that I can’t quite explain,” Minni started singing in a low, but beautiful voice, and I knew exactly which song it was. I got so happy, all my veins were near to explode, and I felt a warm feeling inside I had never felt before. “I'm so in love with you…” he continued, and even though it was the line in the song, he didn’t sing it this time; he said the words clearly and with honesty in his voice. I stared at him. I could bet that my mouth was hanging open. I didn’t care! He was in love with me! Really? That was enough for my head to start spinning, and the next thing I knew was that I had my lips pressed towards his lips. Apparently I had thrown myself over him when my mind had clicked. My arms were securely locked around his neck again, and I was filled with exclusively happiness once more.

His hands and mouth found my neck, and I sighed. I had never felt this much pleasure in all my 30 years of living, neither as a human nor a vampire, and I suddenly felt like I had a meaning in life.

“I love you!” I said under my breath. He abruptly stopped, and his expression made me cautious. He looked like someone had died; his eyes widened and his mouth fell open, and I suddenly regretted my stupidity. He surely was still grieving over Jessica, and therefore it was absurd of me to think he should love me now. Even though he had said that he was in love with me, that didn’t mean he loved me.

But then his expression changed. He looked relieved; like I had finally said something he had been waiting for in a long time. His face was only one inch away from mine, and I could feel the hair on my arms rise. One of his hands flew up to touch my cheek softly.

“You do?” He sounded astonished, but his expression was so beautiful. The smile I had already seen so many times on his face was nothing compared to the one I stared at now. He was so beautiful, my kind of beautiful.

“Of course I do!” I said loudly, I wanted him to believe me. “I have from the very first moment I saw you.” My hands played with the hair on either side of his face. I kissed him long, trying to push as much of my love into it as possible. He fiercely started to kiss me back as he realized I was speaking the truth. His arms held me tight to his body, and I wanted it to last.

“I thought I wouldn’t say this to anyone ever again,” he chuckled between our kisses. “I love you too!” It again caught me off guard.

“Really?” I sighed, as he moved his lips down my throat. He lifted his head to look me in the eyes. One moment his expression was entirely serious.

“I do!” I wanted to cry. It was true; there was a vampire out there for me. My very own mate. It was scary what big a coincidence this had been. What if I hadn’t decided to take that trip today? Would I never have met Minni, then? Wouldn’t I have been in his arms now? I didn’t like to think like this. I shook my head.

“What?” Minni’s expression suddenly looked weary.

“It was nothing,” I whispered as I met his eyes again. I really wanted to cry, but that was no option, so I tightened my arms around his neck, and hugged him. I was so afraid I would loose him, I couldn’t make myself let go but after several minutes.

Minni breathed as if he was tired after running, and his face was beautiful, as if belonging to a God. It made me caress it again.

--

“Why?” Minni asked. I lay on his chest, touching his skin faintly again and again, while he had his arms protectively around me and played with my hair.

“Why what?” I mumbled. My head was spinning with joy, and I didn’t really think about anything at the moment. But as he started speaking I paid better attention. His voice left my inside warm, and my head spinning, but still clear somehow.

“Why did you fall in love with me?”

“I guess it was meant to be,”

“That’s not good enough,” he hinted playfully. I sighed.

“Isn’t it?” He shook his head, and then laughed.

“Of course it is, I’m just curious.” He kissed the top of my hair. I lifted my head so I could see his face. Minni was as beautiful as ever, if not even more.

“Well, I don’t know. Maybe, and I’m sure this will sound so stupid, but I think something about your mysterious look, like the tattoo and the fact that you were bare-chested attracted me. That was really cruel, you know, to let me have to look at you like that. It was so tempting.” I laid my head back down on his chest, and exhaled. My fingertips kept making slight circles on his belly.

“Really?” He sounded amused. “Mysterious look, huh? Well, what do you think was most attractive about you, then?”

“Hum, I’m not sure,” I said with acted enthusiasm. “It must’ve been my incredibly sexy leather jacket, right?” I chuckled.

“Not really,” he said. His voice was serious, in contrary to mine. “It was your eyes. It sounds so cliché, but it is the truth,” he said, and lifted my head unexpectedly with his hand to make me look in his eyes. “You are the first vampire I have ever seen with golden eyes, and it looks beautiful.”

“She speaks to me in Persian, tells me that she loves me; the girl with golden eyes. And though I hardly know her I let her in my veins, and trust her with my life,” I sang quietly. Minni looked at me, and smiled.

“I didn’t know you spoke Persian,” he whispered teasingly, and kept playing with my hair. “I know the song: ‘Girl With Golden Eyes’. It’s old, really old.”

“That’s ‘Calling you’ too,” I smiled faintly, referring to the song he had sung for me some hours ago. “I don’t really like either.” I said ignorant. He shrugged.

“Who cares about the music?” he smiled mysterious again, and the sight of it made my head spin.

“Yeah,” I whispered lightheaded, and had no chance to take my eyes away from his.

He started kissing my shoulder softly, and again there was no better thing than his lips towards my skin, his soft breath nor his eyes. I remembered how I once had found that extremely awful, but I couldn’t see how. There was nothing but beauty in those blood-red eyes of his.

I don’t think there is a word that would explain how I felt. It was some sort of mix of all the great feelings I had ever felt in my vampire life; I felt pleasure, happiness, joy, sadness, curiosity, irritation, and much more, all at the same time. It was when I was a newborn. In the earliest days I had shifting emotions just like these, but this was so much bigger. Even though it hadn’t been close to like it was now, it was the easiest way for me to explain it. I was reborn into a new, extraordinary life. I was no longer a vampire like I had been once. What my body demanded to live was no longer blood; it was love.

“What do you miss the most?” I suddenly asked, and then smiled while I bit my lip. It took him off guard, I think. He stopped kissing me, lifted his head some inches so he more easily could read my expression.

“About what?” He had wrinkles between his eyebrows, and I automatically touched his face to smooth it. The look annoyed me. He was so beautiful when he was happy, and I couldn’t stand to look at him with such a grimace on his face. It wasn’t supposed to be like that.

“About being human,” I said, as if such a topic was as usual as any. In my family we basically talked about anything, and our human lives was the topic that interested me the most, so obviously we talked about that a lot.

“Why do you wonder about that?” He sighed, as if he was annoyed. I shrugged, and pursed my lips. I didn’t want him to be mad at me.

“It’s okay if you won’t tell me. It’s just that we use to talk about it a lot, and therefore I thought it wasn’t a big deal, but apparently it is. I’m sorry.” I got up to sit up straight in front of him, and again touched his face carefully. The increased wrinkles between his eyebrows and in the corner of his mouth really worried me.

“Don’t be. I’m not used to talk about it, that’s all,” he tried to smile, but failed it completely.

“Forget it. It’s not important,” I whispered and leaned forward to kiss his mouth. He kissed me intensely, and captured my head in his hands. He held me tight and kept kissing me, until he moved my face away slowly.

“I was born August the 23rd, 1840 in a small town near London. My family, the Colby’s, was an old and respected family back then. My mother, Amelia Colby, who was forced into the marriage with my father, died after giving birth to me, their first son, but second child. My sister was named Amelia Marie after my mother, and I was named Benjamin after my father, and got my nickname because of that. My father was a Ship-owner, and I obviously had to take over the business after him. I was therefore forced to work a lot with the ships, which I personally found dull. All I wanted to do was draw, but drawing was no profession for a rich man’s boy, at least when he had such splendid alternatives.” His voice was ignorant as he spoke of his family, like they didn’t mean anything to him at all, and never had. That made me sad, but I couldn’t really grasp the reality he had been living in, compared to the one I had to remember. It was so very different.

“When I was 10 my father sent me off with one of his finest ships to Australia, with prisoners who were sent in exile from England, like they did back then. I stayed in Australia until I became 18. The country and the Aboriginals interested me, and I used many of them as my subjects for drawings. That’s where I also learned the art of tattooing for the first time. To imprint something permanent onto your skin seemed unbelievable and tremendously interesting to me. You could actually wear your drawings on your own body.”

“Was that when you got your tattoo?” I asked dreamy, and made one of my fingers slide slowly over the face of the devil. Its black eyes stared at me, and I could feel the creeps in my neck.

“No, that happened much later.” He said and kissed my cheek slowly and soft. I was sitting next to him, leaning myself over him, while he had his arms protectively around me. It made me feel warm and happy inside. Just what a couple should look like.

“So, what happened?” I hinted carefully, not wanting to rush him, now that he had finally started to speak. He turned his head to look at me, and smiled faintly.

“I broke my fathers arrangements. I didn’t ship back to him; I traveled around the world, over to America where I wanted to study tattooing. I wanted to know more, learn more. It was wrong, but that only made me even more excited about it. I went to Mexico, and that’s when Maria and Jasper found me, and the rest of that you know. But even though I was vampire, I still was highly fascinated by tattooing and by knowing our skin could barely get penetrated, I got a little frantic about finding a new way to tattoo myself. After Maria had killed Jessica, I made myself concentrate about that one thing. The venom in my skin had erased all the tattoos I’d got in Australia. It annoyed me. I traveled to South-America, Africa, and Europe, everywhere to learn more than I knew, and maybe find a way to make it work, even as a vampire.

It was in the early 20s that I traveled to Asia, as a last resort, and that’s when I met him. He was an ancient vampire, from the early Middle Ages. He had a unique technique to tattoo vampires. In Japan having a tattoo is a symbol for the vampires, and that fed me with even more fascination. You see, this old vampire used one of his own teeth to tattoo the immortal ones. He drowned it in some special ink he had blended with his own venom and ash, and then started drawing. He had cut all his teeth out for more than 1000 years earlier. As far as I know, he was some sort of doctor or scientist, and it didn’t matter to him if he had his teeth or not. He was a much admired vampire, and got cups with human blood that his followers brought to him every day.” I caught my breath in astonishment. Even thinking about cutting my own teeth out made me squeal. It must have hurt so badly, I couldn’t even imagine. But Minni’s eyes reminded me about a little child on Christmas Eve, and I couldn’t do anything else than imagine what he must think of this. He must’ve been so over excited.

“Whoa, that’s quite something,” I breathed, while staring into space. I thought about it, not only the tattooing; his whole life.

“After I got my tattoo, I felt content; I’d figured it out, and suddenly I was free. I had nothing to do, nothing special in mind, and nothing I required. But I’d always been an explorer, so I traveled a lot, and drew many sketches and paintings as I moved on. I met Bjorn, Rany and Dai in western Germany. I visited some of the famous galleries there, and practically ran into them somewhere in between. That was in the early 50’s, and they had just got their new Morgan. It too fascinated me. That was about the first time I had ever noticed cars. Their proportions were so precise and such art gained my attention fast. And the same was it with bikes, so it didn’t take long before I got the Harley.” He chuckled and caressed my face with the outside of his hand.

“You are lucky. You have experienced so many things,” I whispered with the envy thick in my voice. Even though some of it was terrible, it was an adventure. I had never moved my but outside America, and I had often dreamed of adventures like that.

“But you still haven’t answered my question,” I said stubbornly, and looked at him with a half grin. He pursed his lips.

“Hum… What do I miss the most?” he asked himself with a puzzled tone, while he leaned over to kiss my neck. It made me giggle. “I think I miss getting older, to change; the feeling that you don’t have forever to live, and should live your life in the now or you’ll lose it. That’s what I miss the most.”

“That was easy,” I said, but I understood what he meant. Personally I’d never lived my life like that, at least not while I was human.

“How old are you, Ginny? What is your real name?” He closed his eyes. His breath was even, and I could feel the need of touching his face again. I let a hand rest on his cheek lightly. I had to think about what I wanted to answer on that one.

“I am basically 19,” I teased “but overall I’m 30 years old next month. My Real name is Ginger Black. I was born on a place called La Push, near the small town Forks in Washington. My father’s name is Jacob Black and is the leader of a werewolf pack who protects the villagers there.”

“Werewolf? Are you kidding me?” He interrupted. His expression looked shocked. Clearly he couldn’t believe what I was saying.

“No,” I said and chuckled under my breath. “That’s why I smell different than a vampire should, and why Alice can’t see my future or Edward can’t read my mind. It has something to do with the mix-up of the species. It’s unnatural.” I shrugged and sighed. It was true I was a freak, but a different freak than I had thought before. “Basically I should’ve been a werewolf by now. Well, at least I’ve always been destined to never have a child, so that’s a relieve.” I started laughing silently. He chuckled and shook his head.

“Yeah, I noticed you were different from the first time I saw you, but I would’ve never imagined…” he trailed off. His eyes stared at me. “You have a different smell, that’s correct, but I somehow adore it. It is sweet, but raw at the same time. Its unique.” He smiled and stroke my cheek with one hand. I closed my eyes and felt the touch on my skin. It was as wonderful as ever.

“Really?”

“Yeah, it’s different, but good, another kind of good. Tell me more!” He demanded enthusiastically. I laughed, shook my head in astonishment, but started telling again.

“My mother is named Amalie Sundbø and comes from Norway. I traveled to Alaska to study 20 years ago, but got abused and was near to die when Alice and Rosalie found me.”

“Really?” He said. He looked suddenly furious, but slid his arms protectively around me. “I would never let anyone harm you!” He said through clenched teeth. It made me almost laugh.

“You sound like my father, and I think I’m in prefect position of protecting myself at the moment.” I said, without any humor now. It was still a sensitive subject to talk about my former life, but I had other techniques to handle it now.

“You are?” He kissed my lips as he formed his hands around my cheeks and held me there. I exhaled a big amount of air as he moved himself over me again. His hands were light on my skin, and I enjoyed it. He knew exactly how to pleasure me.