Crappy One-Liners

If I had it my way, I'd make the most American first-person-shooter ever. He'd be up against Nazis, Commies, Aliens and Canadians. It'd take the most badass hero to take them down, rescuing the chicks, two boobs at a time.

I read my fortune cookie today; it told me I would kick your ass.
I came, I saw, I ran out of bubblegum.
Is that all the artificial intelligence Dr. Proton gave you?
Get that shit outta here.
Rules are made to be broken.
You better be watching this explosion with an 8800GTX or I'll turn this baby on you.
Ashes to ashes, scum to dust.
What a coincidence; your ass is my shoe size!
Some scum just keep trying to ice-skate uphill.
Today's weather forecast: Your ass raining from the sky!
Your horoscope claims you die today; POW! Well, who knew? It was true!
Looks like I ran out of ammo. POW! I lied!
I think I'd like some scum sauce on my M8-fifty-six cartridges.
If it bleeds, I can kick its ass.
I'll kick your ass so hard, you'll taste boot polish!
I thought it was time to redecorate your internal structure, heh heh heh.
Your health benefits just expired.
I'm gonna throw you a big party.
Oh, don't mind the whiplash; it'll be the second worst thing to happen to you, today.
Kong ain't got shit on me.
Grab a fork, your ass is now on a platter.
I don't need no sissy suit to survive radiation.
I'm gonna make Jack Thompson scream.
Let's play catch with a grenade! Whoops! Seems the only thing going long is your head!
My boot, your ass, let's dance; your face, my gun, no chance!
What do you know? This rocket launcher ISN'T certifiable with the NRA!
All I need is a bed, a babe, and a beer, but I'll have to settle for my toe tickling your colon.
I'm gonna kick your ass up your esophagus.
Daddy's not dissapointed; Daddy's mad.
Just because God beat your species ugly with a stick doesn't mean you had to commit suicide here.
You never should have been born. Time for a postpartum abortion!
Nutshot; no greater glory.
Looks like your jingle bells will be on your Christmas list, this year.
I'm gonna punch your ticket, punk!
Your face and ass will soon have more in common.
Six legs good, two legs better, my foot in your arse best.
How would you like to pick up your teeth with broken phalanges?
If your job is breathing, I'm firing you.
Tag! You're-- oh, whoops.
A bullet's worth a thousand words; let's talk.
Pain delivery! Sign this.
That's not how you pray, so I hope you now believe in reincarnation, sucker!
I'm the guy who saves our chicks. You must be the other guy.
Excuse me, scum, may I borrow your ammo? I promise to return it just as soon as I finish with it!
When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I still feel good.
Deconstructive surgery, coming right up.
Ass, the final frontier, these are the voyages of my polished boot.
Ass kicking isn't the answer; it's the question, and the answer is "yes."