Anna letter

Dear Ryan,

It's been a long time since we've talked, that's for sure. You said so much about yourself in the letter that I just can't think to know of what to say about myself. I'm still living here with my brothers, although both of them have gotten married and gone off to buy other homes for their new families. And here I am, by myself again.

Not that it's that big of a deal of course. I'm used to being lonely. Us Commies know more than anyone else, right?

Sorry, that was kind of hateful. I had a terrible day today. A friend of mine has this boyfriend, and he revolves himself around... well himself. He's crude and treats her like shit, like she's nothing more than a worthless piece of ass, and then behind her back he crawls all over other women like the cockroach he is. And she just can't see it.

So today when i was going down the elevator to get to pick up Jane (my friend, you remember her? Jane Atkins? From School?) from the fourth floor then go out and get my car, I ran into him. His name's Daniel something-or-other, and he's worthless. He's the kind of guy ... actually I think you might know him. He was head on the football team? Anyway, he spent the entire time in the elevator pushing me against the walls and trying to get me all over him like the rest of the office whores do, but you know me, I won't put up with that crap. I have no tempers, of course. It's tiring I tell you, it honestly is tiring. It makes my head ache.

In all honesty I'm not mad at you anymore... I never really was. I was just ... so in denial for the fact that you found out. I"m sorry. I should have told you about us a long time ago, who we were, why we were in America.

You have no idea how guilty I've been.

In all honesty I've missed you more than anything. You've never been from my thoughts, and although I hate the war and the fact that you left me for it, I do believe that you chose right. It's you decision anyway ... god knows that you know what you're doing.

I know I would never make it in the war. I couldn't handle the violence for one, i got that enough from my home and all, but... but now...

Now I have nothing left, and I'm lost in loss.

I miss you much more than I had the idea of doing. I don't feel that I should tell you, just because of my pride but ... the fact that you've said it is helping me. And yes, Ryan ... I miss you. A lot. I don't understand why you don't come home, or why you picked your life in the army, but I support you as much as I'm capable of. The month off in December sounds pleasant. I would really love to see you then.

Should I get you a gift? I saw something in a store recently that I just knew you'd love, but i was unsure if you'd accept a gift from me... I feel like I ruined your young adult life.

I'm working in the mental hospital around here, it's pretty nice. The patients are always strange, of course, but then again I always find myself relating to them somehow. Always.

But now I just don't now what to say. I'm alone and tired, and now I just can't breathe right. I'm sick and tired of missing you, in all honesty. It's been a long time since I've felt like this, not since I missed Russia.

So ... I should probably go. I've sent something in with this letter that I hope you get ... it's mine, if you still care. I'll see you around Christmas ... please come and see me, I would love to talk with you and see you again ...

Love, Anna

She pulled back from the notepad, rereading through her letter. She removed something from her neck, a long, old fashioned cross, dropping it into his envelope. On the back was enscribed her name... "I love you Ryan ..." she whispered. God it was almost too much to imagine.. getting to see him again.

"I love you."