Tickticktick

Tickticktick

Tick tick tick tick tick tick

What was that god forsaken noise?

Shade's piercing blue eyes darted toward the clock on the wall. Quickly she found the scowl on her face fading as she lost all expression, somehow completely entranced by the little black hand moving across the face of the clock and the rhythmic, annoying ticking.

"I am not crazy... I swear I am not!" I rembered pleading when he had told me he was sending me here.

Shade wondered how long she had been staring at that clock. Time seemed to speed up, slow down, go backwards, sideways--wait, now that is WAY too out there. Time cannot go sideways, that is absurd. Then again, in this place even that would not have surprised her. She quite literally shook the thoughts from her head and abruptly turned away from the clock. A bit of motion out of the corner of her eye caught her attention; it was her reflection in the large mirror of her dresser. She glided over to the dresser and stared at herself in the mirror. The same blank stare she had when she was staring at that stupid clock once again fell across her face.

I had stopped thinking about him. Or maybe I just thought about him so much she did not notice anymore.

How long had she been here? She looked thinner and paler, if that were possible. Her long black hair, practically engulfing her entire upper body, was a mess. Black eyeliner and mascara--remnants of yesterday's make up--were smudged around her eyes. Was that yesterday? Her full lips were pale, not painted the usual blood red. Her eyes were the same unnatural deep blue, but looked even emptier than they had before. They looked more like they belonged to an animal than a woman. They seemed to reflect only instinct and fear, no other emotion or intelligence. She frowned at her reflection. It used to be "What a beautiful woman, too bad she doesn't smile." Now is it "What a beautiful woman, too bad she's not in her right mind?" There was a knock on her door. She didn't move, didn't make a sound.

"It's time to eat," called out a man's voice. Her mind wouldn't focus enough to let her recognize the voice.

"I am not hungry," Shade replied dryly, ignoring her stomach as it growled at her in protest and ached so badly she might have vomitted had there been in anything in her stomach.

"Fine. No use starving yourself when you can't die. Today's visitation day; someone actually bothered to come see you today," the man muttered before heading off for his meal.

Shade sat down on her bed unblinking, staring off into space. Eventually she laid down and curled up, staring at the blank wall in front of her. She did not sleep, only stared. She heard a knock on her door but ignored it. There was soon a series of sounds. The doorknob slowly twisted, the door slowly opened, then the door slowly closed, and slow footsteps came toward her bed. She felt someone sit down on the edge of her bed, but did not turn to see who it was. "Shade..." came a soft, hesistant voice. This one she recognized, there was no way she could forget.

"You are dead. Stay that way," she said coldy. She still refused to move.

"Shade... I'm not dead." The voice was still soft, but more intense this time. She felt a hand stroke her hair, and this was enough to snap her back into reality. Reality. Ha.

"Yes, you ARE! If not, you might as well be! You are dead to ME! How the hell do YOU of all people have the NERVE to show up HERE!?" Shade screeched, recognizing the familiar feeling of words rolling off of her tongue like venom. When she sat up and whirled around to face him, her sapphire eyes grew wide. He was really there. He was just as she remembered. Tall, tan skin, shaggy black hair, lean muscles, a few tattoos, and unnatural, blood shot red eyes--but still beautiful. Shade gasped, but the moment was interrupted. She was taken back to a time she did not want to remember. It was the whole scene this time.

"I'm going to send you away for a while..."
"What... send me away... where..!?" I stammered.
"Well... nobody can deny you have your share of emotional problems... we all do. I'm going to send you to the asylum my mom went to... Maybe you can get some help..."
"I am not crazy! I am not going to a place like that! You cannot send me there!" I snapped, outraged that he would even mention sending me to that place.
"Shade, listen to me! You did something to hurt me deeply inside that I never imaged you would ever do in my entire life! I'm sending you away for the remainder of time my mother is in the aslyum!"
And how long would that be?
"I am not crazy! I am not going there! You cannot send me away!" I screamed.
He slapped me across the face for the second time that evening. "You're going and you cannot change my mind."
I held my face where he had hit me. "You cannot do this to me!" I hissed.
"Syro and I did to my mother, so I can certainly do it to you."
"No, you cannot! You have no right to do this to me! I am not some kid! I know what is best for myself!"
"If you knew what was best for yourself you would have left me a long time ago..."
I fell silent, my mouth still agape. He was probably right. Logically, that is. But did he not know I would fall apart without him? That was why he could not possibly send me away... I would not get better, I would only get worse. Worse.
"You cannot do this to me..." My voice sounded so far away and meek it was difficult for me to imagine that it was mine.
"I'm sorry, Shade... "
"No, you are not!" I protested. He was the one doing this to me--killing me like this. There was no way he could be sorry.
"Yes, I am! I'm not sending you away because I don't love you or anything! I'm sending you away so you can just get away from here, maybe get some help, and think about what you did and how much it hurt me!"
Ironically, the words hit me like daggers. But it was not the pain I felt overwhelming me. It was the venom now flowing through my veins. I choked on my anger. What I had done to HIM? How much I had hurt HIM?
"I do not need help! I already know what I did to you! I know how much it hurt! I would know better than anyone!!" The anger kept swelling and swelling until I was sure there was no way I could possibly contain it.
"Shade, stop arguing with me. You can't change my mind!"
But the anger quickly melted into desperation. I grabbed his arm and clung to him. "You can't do this to me!" I pleaded. I was begging.
He wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair, but did not speak.
"Please." I buried my head in his chest. "Please... don't send me away...." I was sobbing now.

Shade winced and her mind returned to the present. But he was gone. She felt her heart sink and ache and twist in every way possible. There was another knock on her door and she froze.
"Shade? Are you eating or not!?" The same voice as earlier called impatiently. She felt a wave of disappointment wash over her.
"Where did Daggers go?" Her voice was a faint and pathetic whisper, but whoever was on the other side of the door seemed to hear.
"Err, Daggers? There's no way he could have gotten in here. It's not even visitation day."

Shade could feel nothing but a frightening emptiness.

Maybe I am going crazy...