My First Poem

by Master Player

in Completed Works

My First Poem

The World
The world is a cruel place only if you make it
If you take little steps instead of rushing you will succeed in this world bit by bit
This world is so dangerous with knives and guns
And it would be so much better if we used energy from the sun
People are teaching their kids to give into hatred and deceit
When they should be teaching them to not let it be their defeat


A poem by Master Player

Description

Mar 17th 2009
Tags:
poem
Views:
26
Comments:
4
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0
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Don't judge to hard guy's it's my first, but speak your minds

Comments

settithir Says:

all right I'll give you a shortened version of my complaint to the feature guys about poetry.

poetry is a spoken art, and is therefore categorized by rhythm. the written form is no different, without the rhythm it is philosophical prose and nothing else.

anyway, now that that's aside I say that the actual meaning is conveyed quite well and holds truth making it a decent/good first attempt.

KevinTH Says:

:clap: nice bro. a little gloomy, but awesome all the same.

SuperDragon8888 Says:

Impressive

Zanboura11 Says:

nice but still not as good as mine