Blade (Ch.26)

Blade (Ch.26)

26
I didn’t have to stand in the doorway long before Frederick looked up. His eyes softened momentarily, and then darkened again. I closed the door behind me, turned the lights on low, and sat by him on the bed. “I didn’t mean to make you mad.”

“It’s not so much anger as it is apprehension,” he mumbled lowly. “I don’t want you to be vulnerable to him.”

“Richard said he would be watching…but I know what you mean. I can be stupid and wander off sometimes without thinking about it.”

“You can.”

“But it’s our day,” I amended. “I won’t want to be apart from you; I won’t have a reason to.”

He placed his hands on my face. “I don’t want him to hurt you.” How many times now had he said that since Dezeret came about. “I know—no, you know that he can. And not always with physical damage.” I stared up into his eyes naïvely.

“Richard said he would watch.” I stuck to my opinion as best I could without throwing the mood off.

“Richard also said that you should wear an actual short nightgown because I like how you look in them.”

I laughed. “It was his fault. But these also keep me cooler and it’s soft and fuzzy.” My corny grin vanished suddenly. “He acted like—

“He expected things to turn out in certain ways, I know,” Frederick interrupted. “I’m not mad at you, Jenna. And I can tell by your face that that’s not how you wanted making nice to come out.”

“But I would play along if that’s what you wanted,” I told him, just so he was aware. I was and always had been at his mercy without a knife at my throat.

“Wait until you actually feel the right time for it. That’s not now; not even for me,” he said. “And I recognize that feeling better than you.” I rubbed one of my eyes that burned with the sensation that suggested I’d been up too late and staring at the TV too long.

“Dirty Dancing always makes me tired at the end,” I stated.

“You and my father were watching chick flicks?” he chortled, pulling me onto his lap.

“It’s a good movie. There’s nothing wrong with chick flicks; Richard liked it, too,” I protested.

“He’s a softie for that one because Mom liked it. Not one for chick flicks otherwise.”

“He watched The Phantom of the Opera with me and applauded at the end, so I think there’s a lot about Richard you don’t know,” I sassed, reaching up to coarse my fingers through his hair, mussing it, but gently. He locked his arms around my waist and buried his nose in my dark locks. We talked aimlessly for a little while, and then curled up together, and all seemed okay at first as I drifted into a heavy sleep.

But all was not well. I found my mind reincarnating the horrid dream I had before; the dream Riley feared. It wasn’t me just thinking about it either. The blackness of sleep came to that dream which returned to last the night, and became so horrid that I forced my eyes open in the bright light that was morning. I squirmed within Frederick’s arms, which woke him, no doubt. And I screamed Riley’s name. I called for her multiple times, forgetting that it was a dream.

Frederick shook me violently, and brought me to a sitting position beside him. For reasons unknown even to me, I screamed. With no other resort, he smacked my cheek as gentle as he could, so as not to cause some serious harm. I stared at him blankly in utter silence. He regretted it, I knew, but I figured he couldn’t think of any other way to bring me back into sanity.

I put a hand to my cheek and looked down at the sheets as Richard and Seth came running through the door. Seeing them brought my current mind and memories into play. I pulled a strap of the night dress I wore back onto my shoulder slowly, with the trembling hand that didn’t hold my burning cheek. Nausea leaked into my senses.

“Seth,” Richard addressed. But he already knew, and he brought the trashcan from the bathroom in to me quicker than a bolt of lightning. I didn’t actually use it, but I gagged once or twice. I sat over it a long time, contemplating more than dreading throwing up in it. Frederick and Seth rubbed my back simultaneously, while Richard sat on the edge of the bed, pinching the skin between his brows. My calls apparently hadn’t roused Riley from sleep, and I was pleased to know they hadn’t. It might have brought her deeper into a state of paranoia and dread.

“More than once,” Richard crooned wearily to himself. “More than once…”

“That still doesn’t mean anything special, Dad,” Seth told his father with hopes too high for his own good. He stroked the cheek Frederick hit, which had a faint bruise on it; nothing too serious or noticeable. He said it looked like I was wearing blush, but how reliable could Seth really be?

“How many times has one of her dreams repeated itself?” Richard argued, flustered. “How many times?! Don’t tell me that doesn’t mean something!”

I felt an immense wave of guilt. This…anger, this…trepidation that they all felt and that Richard now openly expressed was caused by me. It was my fault.

“It’s all because of me,” I croaked aloud.

“Fate and future isn’t your fault,” Frederick insisted. “Being able to glimpse it through sleep isn’t your fault, either. It’s ours.”

One thing I realized I never took into consideration that I wasn’t like a typical written-about mythical psychics. In books psychics saw things of all kinds, from future predictions on what they’ll do tomorrow which created déjà vu, to predictions on what they would accomplish and look like several years from the present. A mixture of some good things they wanted to see and some bad. Everything I saw was negative.

“Everything I see is bad,” I grieved.

“We aroused that extra sense in you, love. We’re of the damned,” Frederick elaborated. “If we were some holy existence, then you might see better things.”

That made sense. I groaned.

“None of this dream recurrence will get back to Riley, understood?” Richard enforced. I was sure Frederick and Seth both nodded. No one wanted to defy Richard when he was that distraught, not that they would, anyways.

I suffered flashbacks for many hours afterward. Riley didn’t know why I zoned and stayed in sweatpants and an old T-shirt all day instead of taking the time to shower first thing and put on my jeans and a tank top. She had no idea why I wouldn’t eat, or why there were circles under my eyes, as promised. She didn’t ask, either; Seth kept her busy enough to avoid that.

Toward the evening, I rose from the dining room table where I miraculously managed to doze off, and went to shower. Frederick caught my arm and told me ‘no’ before I could go to the bathroom, eager to ready myself to pick up my New Yorker friends from the airport.

“You’re practically stumbling down the hall, Jen. You’re just not well enough for that. Let Richard and Seth pick them up,” he reasoned, already familiar with what I meant to do.

I argued, but he ignored me. I wasn’t well for today at least, but I wanted to be the one to pick the group up because that meant more than sending someone as a chauffeur, and I told him that. His response was that he would have Richard tell them I was feeling a little under the weather today. I still protested, and he still ignored me.

I gave up only after Richard and Seth were off to the airport. Frederick left me on the couch to make some hot cereal, and he made me eat it, too.

“You have to eat something,” he said, holding a full spoon in front of my face. “Else you’ll trip your lightheaded way down the aisle tomorrow. Better something hot than cold for an upturned stomach.”

Hot did sound appealing to ease my nerves and my sensitive stomach, but I still turned him down, and for that he force fed. I remembered him doing that before, only when he truly got fed-up with my stubbornness.

“You could be a mule if you really wanted to be,” he informed me, giving me a wild look. I opened my mouth, because it seemed I was making him angry, and that was never good.

“Nerves make me more obstinate,” I said simply. To that, his slight frustration subsided.

“You get nervous?” he laughed.

“Of course I do; I’m only human. And I’m sitting here on the couch like a bum when my friends from New York are coming here to see the wedding tomorrow. I kind of wanted to greet them there, or at least be waiting at the door when they got here. It doesn’t look like I care much if I’m sitting on my ass in front of the TV.”

“So get up, then.” He shoved me up off the couch, and the minute I was upright I had an immediate flashback of Riley’s dream. Not only did I feel sick to my stomach—which was what he wanted to prove—I felt I was in it like I did when I slept. I ran for the stairs, hoping…praying Riley was in her room and that I could hug her and hold her and never have to let her go. Frederick went into defensive mode. “Jenna, don’t! Do you hear me?”

But I didn’t, or at least I didn’t want to. Seth once described us as two bucks butting heads while finding time in between somehow to love each other, which was true completely. Somehow we adored one another. But we always clashed antlers, no matter what we were doing. Opposites attract, no? The only problem was, the more I fought him, the more he fought me. And he could lose control in the blink of an eye. We had human friends on the way that were oblivious to the paranormal world and nobody but Riley was home to help me. The last time that happened, I had to be in a collar brace to fix my severed collarbone, and she had to wear an arm cast to fix her broken arm.

I decided that butting heads with him now probably wasn’t the best idea when my hand touched the doorknob to her room. My impulsive hand told me to turn it and find Riley, but my intelligence told me to back off. I backed off, as soon as Frederick launched himself at and restrained me. We both came to the floor.

I was stunned at first, and so was he—stunned with the realization that he might have hurt me. I wasn’t hurt since I fell on top of him, and I would have only bruised a few things if the land had been different. I only stared at him for a few minutes, rebooting from my flashback. And then I laughed, triggering his reflex to as well.

“This is awkward,” I giggled, pecking him on the cheek. Riley heard, and emerged from her jail of a room. Her excursion turned for the stairs and the kitchen.

“Keep it PG out here, guys,” she mumbled.

“Where’s the sunshine, my little black raincloud?” I called, scrambling to my feet to skip after her. I contained my eagerness to feel her…to know at least that she was still there, and that the life I was living wasn’t just a dream. I felt instantaneously relieved just from catching her arm, and then totally replenished when I could hug her.

“I’ve been in a good book,” she shrugged, patting my back in return. I wouldn’t let go, not just yet, and it bothered her in sense. “You can…let go now…”

“You don’t like my hugs anymore?” I murmured. Frederick stepped in, and I let him know with a simple look that he needed to back down as I had. For my sake, if nothing else. He did, but for a minute only.

“No, no, I like them!” Riley mended. “I love them, like always! I just…get into the mood of the book, that’s all. It’s kind of tense and serious right now. I kind of came out to get a snack and see what you guys were squabbling about, and now I probably won’t be able to get back into it.”

“Isn’t hanging with us more fun than reading a book?” I asked.

“Not when you two are necking and my brother is gone,” she joked. I didn’t take it as a joke; I took it to mean rejection, and so I pointed to Frederick. She caught on. “My other brother.”

I emptily watched as she grabbed something from the pantry and went back to her room, shutting the door hastily behind her. My finger had been directed at Frederick the whole time, and only now did I drop it. Only now, did tears come to my eyes, because I couldn’t understand. I didn’t see how the Riley I once knew could become what she was now, even though I knew my dreams had affected her.

“Jen,” Frederick whispered, touching my hand. “She didn’t mean that offensively.” I received it that way. I felt heartbroken, an emotion I recognized, but one that had never been permanent. This felt as if it was bound and determined to stay.

I shied away from his touch and quickly rubbed my eyes. My legs followed up with movement into the dining room, but I couldn’t hurry outside for comfort of the evening air. Richard and Seth would be returning soon, and wouldn’t it make even worse of a welcome impression if I wasn’t within hearing range of the opening door or his calls? So I reluctantly took a chair at the dining room table, and hid my head in my folded arms.

Frederick only left me alone for ten minutes at least, and then came to sit by me while I had my nose in the puddles my tears made on the table.

“Don’t let that get to you,” he said gingerly. “I wouldn’t want you to be sad for tomorrow, and all she’s saying is that she’s either not into what we are, or that it’s her time of the month. Plus she’s thinking about impending doom, you’d be bitter, too.”

I raised my head to look at him. “Sure she’s not changing just because she’s growing up and out of us?”

He let out a chuckle. “Riley’s far from growing up. She could stay a kid forever, because that’s what she loves being. It won’t stay, Jenna.”

“What if it does?”

“I don’t want to hear it!” he refused. “No more what ifs! No more!” He reached over to poke my sides and hit my ticklish spots (which was pretty much every piece of me). That only made me happier because I had to laugh, and when Richard came in the door with the cavalry, I was running from him in circles around the couch, laughing like I once did when I was hyper and in sixth grade.

I escaped to the door just barely and attempted to ambush them, when I was attacked with a barrage of hugs and words instead. Chuck squealed and got me first, followed by Prudence, Eli, and Dylan.

“Break my neck why don’t you all,” I wailed jubilantly. “It’s so nice to see you all!”

“I feel like it’s been forever even though it really hasn’t been that long!” Chuck yelped, spinning me in circles. Eli and Dylan consulted Frederick in a friendly fashion so they could greet me later when Prudence and Chuck settled a little, and I watched over Prudence’s shoulder in hopes that their reactions to each other would be good. Frederick could get jealous, as I knew from Dan, but he would be good, right? If our wedding was tomorrow, and there was no way I was going to change my mind?

Dylan went first, and I saw that as a good precaution because he wasn’t someone to be jealous of around your girlfriend. He almost brought his boyfriend along, but decided not to last minute. They shook hands in a casual way, and I made sure to note Frederick’s eyes. They were a light, happy brown, and so I was unconcerned. Words were exchanged that I didn’t hear, and then Dylan stepped aside for Eli.

Eli came on strong and left off submissive. I took into consideration that they probably knew how the groom felt with other men around the bride, and so Eli knew how to act. Frederick actually clapped a hand on his shoulder at the end, though, and walked him into the dining room to talk, and it was then I started to panic. I didn’t want Frederick coming off as the over defensive type, and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt.

“I’m loving seeing your face again!” Prudence chimed, choking me in an embrace.

“I second what my sister said,” Dylan remarked, ruffling my hair. “He’s right for you, Jen, you picked a good one.”

“Yeah, I just hope no one gets hurt back there,” I said to myself.

Prudence cracked up. “Eli would run, Jen, it’s not a bad thing that they’re having a man-to-man talk.”

And it wasn’t. They practically came back with their arms around one another’s shoulders, being guys. For once, I felt in the right place among them all. No fights, no differences, harmony. It felt good.

The lot of my friends went back out to the car to get the rest of the duffel bags, and that’s when I tugged Frederick aside myself.

“What were you two talking about just now?” I interrogated, biting my thumb. “You were laughing, I saw, but I don’t want you chasing him off.” I raised the ‘serious finger’ to him, and he kissed the tip of it.

“Good things, I promise. I just wanted to get the chance to thank him for looking out for you while you were in New York,” he swore.

I heaved a sigh of relief. “Thank you. Be nice, okay?”

“Okay,” he agreed. I hugged him, and he held me there, rocking as if we were dancing to a slow song.

“Oh! That’s so adorable,” Chuck said to Prudence so I could hear.

“You two are a match made in heaven!” Prudence bellowed on purpose, and I laughed at that. It might have been true if he wasn’t a spawn from Hell, and that didn’t bother me anyway.

I had all of them put their duffel bags in my room, and the evening was late when they got there, so I set up a movie, Richard got his hoard of sleeping bags from the attic, Seth made Riley emerge to join the party (and let me tell you, everybody loved her, too), and we all came together, on the couch and in front of it. Dylan, Chuck, Prudence, Riley, and Seth sat close on the couch, and Frederick and I sat in the middle in front of the couch with Richard and Eli who played cards the whole time.

The movie was one of Seth’s favorites, and he liked the epic Emmy Award Winning films about superheroes or kidnappings. Thrill and suspense; that was his era. A lot of the couch-sitters liked it, too, but I didn’t have the patience or energy to stay up with it, so I fell asleep against the love of my life, un-plagued by ‘awes’ and comments of that nature; everyone was occupied or used to it. I felt him kiss me a final goodnight when I felt I was really fading into a deep sleep—he must have known when my restful drowsiness threatened to become full-fledged siesta, too.

I roused sometime early in the morning, not feeling like I slept even in the slightest. I was the first to get up from the floor, stretch, and head up the stairs, leaving everyone in the living room together. When I bumped into Richard coming down the hall for the bathroom, I realized I hadn’t even seen him before our paths clashed.

“How are you up so early?” he inquired, rubbing my shoulders. “At least…I think you’re awake.”

“I’m trying,” I laughed hoarsely. “Sleeping in a sitting position on the floor isn’t exactly good for the back.”

“That would explain why Frederick didn’t come up in discomfort; he wouldn’t feel that. Going to take a shower?”

I nodded. “Keep him from freaking out if he wakes up, would you? Oh! And I was going to ask you who else you invited to today.”

“Old allies of mine. They’re demons, so they’ll look out for you, too. In fact, they helped me deal with death awhile back when I first came over in a different existence. I also invited my boss in modeling, and a few partners there. It’s a bit of a full house, but still cozy at the same time.”

“On second thought, wake Frederick up if you can…he still needs to help me get used to those heels,” I said, smiling bashfully. “I’m not your stereotypical stilettos girl.”

“Got it.”

For the first time since middle school, I sang in the shower that morning. I hopped from normal song I knew to songs from The Phantom of the Opera, and anything else that sprang to mind. I had no confidence in my shy voice, but I still sang like no one was listening. If Frederick was up, he would be listening from the door just because he’d never heard me do such a thing before, but I think Chuck and Prudence knew better than to listen with over-excitement. Every alike girl did; it was like an instinct to each other.

When I had combed my wet hair and opened the door, there he was, holding the shoes.

“I’ve…” he stuttered, feeling like he should have known, too.

“Yes, even someone like me does it,” I teased, taking the shoes, putting them on the floor, and stepping into them. I stumbled without even having to move, but he caught me just as promised.

“Gosh, you don’t even have to move to fall flat on your face,” he remarked, a smile forming on his lips.

“When I said I was bad in heels, did you not believe it or something?” He entwined my fingers and his, and moved inch by inch down the hall. “I’m bad, that’s all there is to it.”

“One step at a time, not five, love,” he advised. One step at a time meant it would take forever to get down the hall, but I had until noon or so to practice, and it was only six-thirty or seven. Pure impatience was the only thing that made it hard.

“Are there people coming to set things up like tables and all that in the yard or is Riley planning to do it all by herself?” I asked, curious as to whether Riley thought herself capable of being and entire decorating team.

“They’ll be here in about thirty minutes to get started, and I’m sure Riley will try to help…if she’s feeling up to it, that is.”

“I hope she is, else I would be worrying about her the whole time and how I could make her happier…”

“No worries, of all days, Jenna, not today. No sorrows, no sidetracked minds, no worries.”

“I’m a human, Frederick; I’m going to freak out a little, what with the racing heart and the second thoughts that you hear about in movies and love stories.”

“Second thoughts?” he murmured, curious. “Do you have those?”

“Sometimes I lose confidence in my ability to make this work,” I admitted. He listened on. “But then I look back and think ‘well why the hell did I think that?’ Mood swings, I guess. Can’t really call them second thoughts, but that’s what everyone else would see them as.” I wondered why he looked like he expected me to say more, so I did, and gave the conversation to him. “Don’t you think like that sometimes, too?”

“Technically, since I’m dead, it can’t be mood swings, but I have thought like that on occasion. But if we’ve managed to work things out this far, no matter how bad they’ve gotten, I’ve come to believe that overcoming any problem is possible.”

“It’s nice to know you believe in that,” I said earnestly. “Help me believe it, too.”

“You’ll believe it in no time if I’m there to help you.”

I would have hugged and kissed him if I hadn’t been trying to survive in heels at that moment. I contemplated that the minute I turned to him I would fall on him, so it was best not to.

Once we got to the stairs, we looked at one another and then back to them, and he eventually just lifted me up to carry me down the three of them. Supposedly, there would be a base for us to stand on that only had two steps. For sure I could come up two without twisting an ankle, right? And Richard would have his arm out to me up them, or so I hoped. When I took the time to notice the contents of the living room, I saw that the couch was barren, and the floor as well. It figured that Richard had everyone up and about, not just Frederick. Through the living room window, I could see that they were fumbling about with odd people I didn’t recognize who must have been the decorators that were to bring in the two-step base, the ‘aisle rug’ that I thought we didn’t need, the chairs, and the tables.

“Has it been thirty minutes or are they early?” How long had we been practicing down that one hall?

“Early, but not by much.”

“Oy. It’s a good thing that I’ll have Richard to hold onto down the way incase I’m just totally incapable of conquering the beasts called heels before Riley drags me off to the ‘primping room’,” I chortled, completely certain that she would be skipping away with me in a matter of minutes.

“He won’t let you fall, that’s for sure. You’ll do fine.”

It wasn’t like I had absolutely no faith in myself, but that I was afraid anything that could go wrong would. That type of notion came to anyone’s mind when nervous, especially mine since so many things that had the potential to go wrong before had lived up to their expectations. Prom, going to Salt Lake City to find Frederick, going to the mall with Riley…and so many other events permanently burned into my mind.

I tried hiding and ducking for cover when Riley’s feet came clomping through the dining room and kitchen, into the living room to find me. “You can’t hide from it behind him forever, Jen!”

I followed her battle-ready tone. “There’s still time! It won’t take you until one o’clock to make everything perfect! Give me some more time to learn walking before you start on everything else,” I begged. No way was I spending six hours sitting on a stool so she could do my hair over like she’d done it before, or making a fashion show in the dress for her so she could pinpoint things to fix.

“Fine. Ten o’clock. Be there,” she compromised, turning back around to help in the yard.

“Hey, Riley,” I called, freezing up as soon as she spun back around. “Love you, sis.”

She stared at me in confusion for one long, silent moment, and eventually smiled. It was odd; crooked, if anything, or not completely understanding. “Same here, Jen.” Her vision flickered to Frederick one or twice before she really grasped his presence. I knew he had to be zoning into space…he just had to be, because it appeared as if Riley regretted something. “I love you, too, Freddie. Always have, just as much as anyone else.”

The instant Frederick looked up and half-grinned, she walked out. He always knew Riley loved him; how could he not? Riley couldn’t just seclude herself to Seth and not give affection to anyone else in the family. Perhaps the fact that Frederick was so hard to get to…so hard to learn his language, his looks, his actions...perhaps that played a card in her way of avoiding him more often than not. But just because she felt she could never penetrate his shell and learn him didn’t mean she never loved him as a brother.

I tugged on Frederick’s sleeve. “You’re hard to learn, baby. You know how long it took the both of us to really coordinate well…in fact, we’re still working out minor kinks. Maybe she doesn’t know how to interpret you like I do, but that never meant she didn’t love you with all her heart.”

“I just wish she took the time to learn,” he sighed, wrapping a ginger arm around my shoulder. He kissed the crown of my head, and I held his other hand, remembering how I found it hard to tell anything about him. Now I could feel his discomfort, his anxiety…his passion. I could translate the way he moved and allowed me to move him into emotions and words of our own language, and I thought Riley might be able to do the same with Seth, possibly Richard, too. It did hurt that she couldn’t get through to her other older brother who I could read so well, and I could only imagine how it must have injured Frederick, the target of her limits.

“She will. Riley’s just slower at it. Every day I think she chips away another brick of your fortress.”

“How did you get inside it if she can’t?”

“Oh, I dug, honey. She’s going in the hard way because you let me in and then filled the hole again.”

“That makes sense.”

Surprisingly, it did. He let me be his only weakness, and shut the other tempting weak points to his perfection. Every hero had to have a flaw, and I was his. That wasn’t as bad as some other things he could fall to, mainly because I was no predator. Just so happens that his one weakness was his prey.

Even before it was Riley’s time, I had the basic walking in heels down. Not counting that one ignorant factor that anything that could go wrong had the potential to, I felt confident about walking down the aisle on Richard’s arm. I knew the vows and the order, and I knew how to kiss. After that it was simple.

I moped into the bathroom to take my place on the stool at ten o’clock as ordered, not particularly excited about staying still in such an uncomfortable position for however long it would take Riley to recreate her ‘masterpiece’ on my ‘not quite so masterpiece-able’ hair. It wasn’t so bad when she started talking cheerily about random things, because I could find ways to contribute to the conversation and keep it going. In a little period of silence, with nothing else I could figure to say to put off boredom, I addressed a question that Cherrie told me she wondered about Tom on their wedding day. “It comes to every new bride’s wonderings from nervousness,” she told me once. So I thought it fit to ask Riley and gather her opinion on my curiosity. Sincerely, I hoped she wouldn’t say what I didn’t want to hear, because I believed the opposite… the good option.

“Hey, Riles? I have a question. When you look at Frederick and I, do you think it’s really true-blue love, or lust?”