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This One Loved Me
This one loved me like a ginkgo leaf:
Sweet and careful, plain and true,
But the simple rhyme of endless time,
Could not compare to you.
This one loved me like a firefly:
Together, soft, aglow
But while our light lit up the night
There were greater things to know.
This one loved me as the tigers do:
With passion, hard and fast,
But through my daze of heated haze
I knew it could not last.
So love me like an elephant:
With soft eyes and memory long
We’ll wander on by the south side of the sky
And as souls side by side we’ll grow strong.
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Comments
Gartenian Princess Says:
This is really sweet...and a neat way to incorporate that quote...a very niffty and sweet way.
WildBlueSun Says:
Probably my favourite of all the work I've read of yours. It's on my wall right now, all copied out and stuck right next to Joy Division (I have 'Love Will Tear Us Apart' in big letters). Which is the ultimate accolade from me.
But when I was copying it I missed out the fourth verse, partially because I prefer four-verse poems, partially because ice/nice is AWFUL. Nice is such a bland word. And I changed the last line to "And side by side our souls grow strong"...but that's just me being nit pickety. If it's going to be on my wall then it's going to fit MY version of perfection.
mercury yume Says:
this is really lovely, different from your usual a little. This is wonderful measured, I read this slooowly, because it is a calm and peaceful poem, pensive greatly. I love that the similes didn't incorporate cliché creatures or objects, the closest shave could have been firefly, but you treated that just right as well.
I really like the consistency, it helps for the build up to the finish (which I adore by the way, I'll get to that). The only things I'm not %100 wrapping my head around (%99, this is a small critical comment at best), is the use of one plant and 3 animals, or a plant, insect, animal, animal, it seems...unbalanced? Possibly not the right word, but in my mind either the position of the animals would be shifted or there would be another non animal in there between the second and third or third and fourth. That however would be a purely simple aesthetic tweak, and I understand that it would alter the flow of the poem, which I have no issue with at all that I can sense.
The other thing is that I don't seem to get the link between the ginkgo leaf and time, I see firefly/light, tiger/passion/heat, but not quite getting the ginkgo leaf, unless it's the next step on from 'careful, plain and true'.
So yeah, the ending, We'll wander on by the south side of the sky/And as souls side by side we'll grow strong. This probably speaks to me very closely, I feel this speaks a lot to my own attitude towards love, to what my husband and I are trying to achieve. I feel we must love like elephant tigers wrapped up in ginkgo leaves, and when we're alone we turn into fireflies.
I know I don't usually react to your poems quite this much, but I guess love/relationships is something I feel I have a little experience with. Thanks for sharing this :)