Last Thing One Can Do...

Didn't really understand until today that I found out how strange and surprising life is.

I don't want to make excuses for anything, this time I was truly punished by fate. Calling up the one I love the most because I haven't heard from her for some time, just hoping to hear her voice and see how she's doing; good as always.

Didn't wanted to argue with her in every call so I decided to wait until she's available to call me. I'm guessing she's probably feeling the same as I do, she didn't want to have to argue and going through same heavy conversation with me all the time. After calling her and chat with her for a while, left a message telling her I love her. =^~^=

... little do I know this call was going to be last key that torn down all.
After a while my classes ended, I met with this girl who happened to know my sister and I was surprised she was from the same high school as I. She's been having problem with her relationship and needed someone to talk to and I carelessly became the listener. I walked her to her house and she shown me around, quite a nice place. We were talking about drawings, projects, and how her brother kept porn in the house and horoscopes. Then I started talking to her kinda playful way because she seems very gloomy with her problems, but I didn't do anything to her. Her situation in relationship was similar to mine, and I was glad I could make someone laughing and smiling because lately I don't feel I was truly needed.

By the end of the day I left and walking home, until the next day; which is tonight... I noticed my phone dialed itself because I pressed a button on accident while I was at the friend's house... and it recorded the whole conversation to the last person I called... and it was my g/f...

*sigh*... I was such a fool... once in a big while I get to talk to female friends and also have to guts to call my g/f up and give her a little love note... who would've thought it turned out to be a misunderstanding...?

Perhaps I was the one who did things wrong, I have disappointed her and at this point I don't know what else of "happiness" I could give her. I tried to be with her even though I couldn't drive, look for the gifts she might like, trying to understand her as much as I can, and adapt to her new changes so I could be with her longer... All of them I failed, I only brought her more sadness and made her feel stressed out and pushed. The very last I could do for her now, the only option left for me that possibly can give her happiness... is to let her go and be free from my grip...

I'm really sorry... Kiba. At the end I still couldn't find that "spark" that can keep you with me... that's my only regret.

I was wrong this time... I wish I could've spent more time with Kiba, perhaps then... I won't feel so insecure anymore... I really want to hear you say "I love you" again...