We stood together in the moonlight
With our arms wrapped around each other
In this close proximity
I could feel the power of his body
I could feel the strength, the speed, the violence
That was contained in the arms wrapped around me
But I had no fear of that immense power
He was my vampire lover
Forever and always
He is mine
this is a Twilight poem that i wrote the day the movie came out. it was something i wrote to help get rid some of my energy and hyperactivity. i hope its not to chliche for you, if it is, dont bother telling me, i've already been informed.
I can't really say I like this, I'm sorry.
It's more Twilight based than it is inspired; it sums up Bella's emotions while she's human for Edward.
It's too cliche and follows too closely to the story, very unoriginal.
For me the writing doesn't flow at all and has awkward lines and "vampire lover" just sounds terrible.
May I say that I second everything TakeKate has said. What stands out most in her comment, a thing on which I'd like to elaborate, is the lack of inspiration and overabundance of cliche. It seems that this poem was not taken from you, but rather from a certain Stephanie Meyer. You essentially wrote a thesis-statement for a report on Twilight in the form of a poem.
May I add that there is a dearth of imagery. It seems that you did not attempt to make your readers "see." Rather... you just spoon-fed us feelings.
I'm not saying that you can't write about Twilight (but I most certainly won't hesitate to say that you shouldn't), I'm saying that you're rewriting what someone else already penned. Mayhap you could write on your own feelings about the book??
Comments
takekate Says:
I can't really say I like this, I'm sorry.
It's more Twilight based than it is inspired; it sums up Bella's emotions while she's human for Edward.
It's too cliche and follows too closely to the story, very unoriginal.
For me the writing doesn't flow at all and has awkward lines and "vampire lover" just sounds terrible.
Oscar Wilde Says:
My dear girl:
May I say that I second everything TakeKate has said. What stands out most in her comment, a thing on which I'd like to elaborate, is the lack of inspiration and overabundance of cliche. It seems that this poem was not taken from you, but rather from a certain Stephanie Meyer. You essentially wrote a thesis-statement for a report on Twilight in the form of a poem.
May I add that there is a dearth of imagery. It seems that you did not attempt to make your readers "see." Rather... you just spoon-fed us feelings.
I'm not saying that you can't write about Twilight (but I most certainly won't hesitate to say that you shouldn't), I'm saying that you're rewriting what someone else already penned. Mayhap you could write on your own feelings about the book??
Just a thought.
-Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wilde
Says:
Well I think it's pretty good but then again I'm not really much of critic...