ChrisV's Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Adventures Ep1 Pt3

ChrisV's Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Adventures Ep1 Pt3

Quick recap time! I visited the link shop and stuff happened all the way up to me going to Mt. Steel and beating up Skarmory! Now to save the kid. But who's that coming in from the sky- wait. WHAT THE HELL!?

Magnemite1 and 2: <swoop in from the open top of the mountain> WOOT WHAT'S GOIN ON YOU GUYS 8D

Bulbasaur: Sweet! Okay, both of you carefully pick Diglett up and set him down on our side of the drop.

Magnemite1 and 2: <pick up Diglett and almost bring him over but drop him right near the edge>

ChrisV: GAH! <leaps and saves Diglett> <amazingly, doesn't fall because his lower half is still on the cliff> <trying to keep his upper body up>

Bulbasaur: <runs over and quickly picks up Diglett with his vines> Whew...

Magnemite2: <picks up ChrisV and puts him down on the ground away from the cliff face>

ChrisV: Well that was close.

Diglett: <trying to get out of Bulbasaur's vines>

ChrisV: Here let me hold him.

Bulbasaur: <gives Diglett to ChrisV>

ChrisV: <holds him to his chest>

Diglett: <calms down>

Bulbasaur: Woah...didn't know how you can calm down little kids.

ChrisV: I didn't know either. And frankly...the little guy's pretty heavy for 10 months old.

Magnemite1: Uh, try 1 year old, dude.

<after they got out of the mountain>

<outside Bulbasaur's house>

Diglett: Thank you! ...but where's Mommy and Daddy?

ChrisV: Oh um...I dunno. >.> <.<

Dugtrio: <pops out of the ground>

ChrisV: BACK UP 5 FEET IF YOU WANT TO SPEAK WITH ME.

Dugtrio: o_o... <goes back in the ground and pops up 5ft away>

ChrisV: That's better.

Diglett: Mommy! Daddy! Other guy! <pops up in the ground near them and snuggles>

Magnemites1 and 2: Awww... <applaud> Yay!

Dugtrio: How can we thank you guys? Oh, we can pay you 500 Poke.

ChrisV: Sweet! <takes 500 Poke>

Dugtrio and Diglett: <disappear taking the holes in the ground with them>

Magnemites: ...we're bored and lonely.

ChrisV: Why should I feel awkard that both of you sound like different versions of Dean from Code Monkeys...?

Bulbasaur: Shut up...

Magnemite1: Can we join your team or whatever? We're bored.

Magnemite2: The other guys are out binge drinking and banging hot chicks.

Magnemite1: They're undoubtedly better scorers than us.

ChrisV: <under his breath> That's a shame...

Bulbasaur: <snicker> Anyway, yeah I think you guys might be useful. Got any Electric-type attacks on ya?

Magnemite1: Uh, we're not sure what those are.

Magnemite2: We like circles 'cause they're round and stuff.

ChrisV: Oh yeah, definitely like Dean.

Bulbasaur: How can you tell?

ChrisV: I once had a perkyass teacher named Mr. Green who sounded and walked like Ned Flanders. You do the math.

Bulbasaur: ...oh...I dunno if they can come, then.

ChrisV: Dude, think about it. I'm a Water-type, you're a Grass-type, and they're Electric-types as far as I know. I think we need more elements.

Bulbasaur: ...alright, fine. They can join. There's no one else here anyway.

Magnemites: RIGHTEOUS- wait...you guys don't have a zappity place we can live nearby, do you?

Bulbasaur: No, actually...

Magnemites: Then no. Bye! <float off>

ChrisV: Cheap, beer-chugging motherfuckers...

Bulbasaur: Yeah...anyway, Wigglytuff's shop is open. I promised her we'd go.

ChrisV: Wigglytuff? I dunno about them, man. They can get-

Bulbasaur: I PROMISED HER WE'D GO. <stern look>

ChrisV: Alright alright...

Bulbasaur: We'll only be there a few minutes, okay? I hate seeing her face too.

ChrisV: Okay, but make sure it's a few minutes. I really hate how bright they can be.

Bulbasaur: You took the words right outta my mouth...but it's getting late. Let's do it tommorow.

ChrisV: Kay.

That night...

ChrisV: Oh cool, I'm in the bonus stage again. <hologram of Gardevoir comes up> ...you know you're like, the most useless pokemon in Brawl, right?

Gardevoir: Do not change the subject, Chris. You must find out your role here. You used to be human.

ChrisV: Yeah, I'm aware of that, thank you- wait...I'm supposed to be here? What for?

Gardevoir: That you must discover for yourself. Find what your destiny is in this place, for it is very important.

ChrisV: I have a destiny? THAT'S a first. I felt like I didn't have one when I was human.

Gardevoir: Your determination burns strong. My work is done for now. We shall meet again.

ChrisV: Wait! ...are you evil?

Gardevoir: I am not one who is drenched in shadow. Do not worry.

ChrisV: Then can you do me a favor? Can you make this place less wavy the next time you guys talk to me? It's hard to concentrate.

Gardevoir: If I must. I must go now if I am to rest my powers.

ChrisV: Alright, then. See ya.

Gardevoir: <disappears with the other static figures>

<lighting dims completely>

ChrisV: ....

Bulbasaur's dead mother: Who are you?

<place lights up really bright>

ChrisV: WOAH! <shields eyes>

<light dims a little so he can see>

Bulbasaur's dead mother: Are you friends with my son?

ChrisV: Who's your kid? <spots Bulbasaur's mom> <gasp>

Bulbasaur's mom: Bulbasaur.

ChrisV: O_O;....

Bulbasaur's mom: ... <smiles>

<big flash>

ChrisV's Room

ChrisV: <suddenly wakes up in shock> WOAH! <catches breath> ....I th-think I just had an out of body experience...

Bulbasaur: <tiredly walks into ChrisV's room> <yawn> What the hell is it, ChrisV?

ChrisV: I had a dream and...I think I talked to your mom. In Heaven.

Bulbasaur: <groan> Yes, she's dead and there's no way you can talk to mom, so shut up and go back to sleep... <walks back to bed>

ChrisV: ... <lies back down> <falls back asleep>

Next morning

ChrisV: <wakes up and stretches> ...that was really weird. These dreams keep happening like I've been catching my bedtime like a hitman does headshots. <cleans himself and goes to the kitchen>

Bulbasaur: <reading the news> Hey, Chris.

ChrisV: Sorry I woke you up, but that dream ended with a flash. And I think I really did meet your mom.

Bulbasaur: You didn't meet my mom, alright? What other crazy dreams have you had?

ChrisV: One with naked Yoshi anthros.

Bulbasaur: ....that's....that's nice....

ChrisV: Oh, you mean last night?

Bulbasaur: Instead of earlier than that!

ChrisV: Well, I keep having these dreams about this bonus stagey place and these static shadows talking to me and whatever. Then I saw a hologram of a Gardevoir and she told me to "find my destiny" or some shit.

Bulbasaur: ...um, that's in the news, actually. People have been having the same dream you had, only they've been watching you through their point of view in the dream.

ChrisV: ...holy crap, really?

Bulbasaur: Yeah. Seriously.

ChrisV: Now that's fucking weird.

Bulbasaur: At least it's a real dream.

ChrisV: Okay listen, I actually felt like my soul was being ripped from out of my body when I saw your dead mom, alright? I'm pretty sure I went to visit her.

Bulbasaur: Drop it.

ChrisV: But I'm not BEING CYNICAL!!! I saw your mom!

Bulbasaur: Alright then, if you're so damn sure, then tell me what you saw when I show you this. <shows a picture of Bulbasaur's mom, Maggie, an Ivysaur with a purple bud>

ChrisV: I saw an Ivysaur with a purple bud wearing an important looking locket necklace with white robes on with a GLOWING WHITE HOLY AURA. She was standing on a cloud! Looking down on me with a smile! Tell me that's not an out-of-body experience!

Bulbasaur: O_O...seriously...!?

ChrisV: ...yeah.

Bulbasaur: Then why didn't you SAY anything to her!?

ChrisV: Because she startled the hell out of me and I didn't know what to say!

Bulbasaur: ....well it's not your fault, then. You were probably hit with a flash.

ChrisV: Yeah. And wind.

Bulbasaur: ...did she have ruby red eyes like me?

ChrisV: Since I looked into her eyes, yeah.

Bulbasaur: You didn't see any shotgun wounds, did you?

ChrisV: No, I think God took care of that.

Bulbasaur: Good.

ChrisV: ...

Bulbasaur: So she smiled at you, huh?

ChrisV: I think that means she's been watching us.

Bulbasaur: I know she is, even when I don't want her to.

ChrisV: How old was she when she died?

Bulbasaur: 41. Some asshole redneck shot her right near the heart a couple times. The shots cut off blood to her heart.

ChrisV: So what'd you do when he shot her?

Bulbasaur: When he was getting away, I picked up a rock and threw it right at his head. I was so lucky to have hit him in the back of the head with that heavy thing. The cops came soon after and carted me off to their office. I haven't cried that hard in years.

ChrisV: If I see her again, I'll have a talk with her.

Bulbasaur: Don't count on it. Dreams like that only come once in a lifetime if I remember correctly.

ChrisV: Well, why don't we go to Wigglytuff's buttfuck palace and eatery? We need more members, remember?

Bulbasaur: <laughs> "Buttfuck palace and eatery!"

ChrisV: Feel better now?

Bulbasaur: Yeah. Let's go.

Pokemon Square

ChrisV: I swear to god if she starts singing I'm going to grab her by the bunny ears and double-leg kick her in her blonde, tofu-eating face.

Bulbasaur: Just act cool for like a few minutes.

<both walk up to Wigglytuff>

Wigglytuff: OMG BULBASAUR!!! How are you!?

ChrisV: EARHOLES...HURT...

Wigglytuff: Who's this?

Bulbasaur: <strained smile> Just get to the point or I will get mad.

Wigglytuff: But first I wanna talk about-

Bulbasaur: Wigglytuff...I remember the deal. Talk about your shop. Be grateful that I'm willing to listen to you for the next few minutes.

Wigglytuff: <sigh> Alright, I'll cut to the chase. I open up friend areas because they are required for a Rescue Team to form.

Bulbasaur: ...there's other Rescue Teams?

Wigglytuff: Yeah, there have been for about a year now.

ChrisV: They don't all have to have sex with each other, right?

Wigglytuff: EW, PERV!

Bulbasaur: <laughs a little>

Wigglytuff: <stern look>

Bulbasaur: <stops laughing> I'm sorry, continue.

Wigglytuff: Thank you. Anyway, I open up Friend Areas so people can build their Rescue Teams, but you have to pay up. However, since you've finally managed to let me say like two full sentences already, I'll give you two Friend Areas for free. Just don't tell my boss.

ChrisV: Why would we tell anyone you're giving us free stuff?

Wigglytuff: Okay let's see...I'll give you Wild Plains and Mist-Rise Forest. <gets stamping ready>

ChrisV: OOOOOH HELL NO! You're not putting that on me!

Wigglytuff: It's required for you to-

ChrisV: BACK UP, WIGGLYTUFF.

Bulbasaur: Sorry, he has this thing with how sexy he thinks he looks.

Wigglytuff: Then I'm not going to give you the Friend Areas at all if I can't-

Bulbasaur: <gets up on the desk, up close and sternly under his breath> Look, we'll tell everyone you've been giving us free entry into the Friend Areas for sale, they'll all come down on you like the annual Gay Parade, and your boss will give you hell and do more than fire your stupid blonde ass if you don't let us go to the goddamn Friend Areas without a stupid stamp!

Wigglytuff: o.o;.....

Bulbasaur: Did I stutter?

Wigglytuff: ... <registers them into the Friend Areas> <stares at them with a stern look> You're not going to tell, right?

Bulbasaur: No, but I will have my buddy Chris over here bite your ass clean off your body if you don't let us buy Friend Areas.

ChrisV: <evil smle>

Wigglytuff: O_O! ... <nervous smile> So uh...what would you like? ...heheh...

Magnemites: <swoop in> MORE BEER!!! 8D

Bulbasaur: You guys again? o.O

Magnemite1: Just call me Dean.

Magnemite2: And me Jim.

Wigglytuff: Okay then, Dean and Jim...what are you two binge drinkers doing here?

Dean: We want to let these dudes into the Power Plant because...well...

Jim: We're sorry. Can we join your team?

ChrisV: Yeah, once everything's settled. I hope the next pokemon will TELL US WHERE TO MEET THEM next time...

Bulbasaur: You guys really could've done that from the start.

Jim: We were gonna go drinking with the other two.

Bulbasaur: I meant later than- nevermind...

Wigglytuff: Alright, then let me stamp you two. <registers the four really quick and then painfully stamps the Magnemites in the face>

Dean and Jim: <fall to the ground> @.@

Wigglytuff: That's what you get for trying to look up my skirt in the women's room back in college!

Bulbasaur: That was you guys!? No wonder she was trying to get away from you!

ChrisV: ...are ALL your college buddies in here or something?

Bulbasaur: They must be if Dumb Bitch and the Teenage Dumbass Corona Chuggers are here.

Wigglytuff: I'm standing right here!

ChrisV: You know, I honestly thought you'd have boobs since you're a girl.

Wigglytuff: Don't talk to me, you're not Bulbasaur.

Bulbasaur: So you have anything for sale or do you want us to leave?

Wigglytuff: BOTH. <stern look>

Bulbasaur: Hmm...hey Chris, how about we check out the Power Plant?

ChrisV: Okay, let's go. <both walk towards home but see something going on>

Bulbasaur: Well what's all the people makin noise about?

Jumpluff: Listen, playa, you got to help my homie!

Shiftry: Forget it.

Jumpluff: Aw come on, I don't have that much bling on me!

Shiftry: Then what's that on your arms?

Jumpluff: You can't touch, boy you get that?

Shiftry: Then we're still not doing it.

Jumpluff: What's wrong with you!?

ChrisV: <turns to Lombre> Hey, you know what's going on?

Lombre: Jumpluff's been looking for a rescue team, but she didn't find nobody yet. They're all a-holes if you ask me.

ChrisV: You mean those guys?

Lombre: He's Shiftry. He got his own rescue team, but they're just a bunch of greedy bastards. They don't work unless they get paid out the ass. I feel sorry for that girl...

ChrisV: O_O...*Woah...she's so fine...*

Alakazam: HEY.

<everybody turns attention to Alakazam>

Alakazam: <walks in with Charizard and Tyranitar> Rather cold-blooded, aren't you? To save Jumpluff's friend, a strong wind is needed. Your leafy arms can generate powerful winds. It's a simple task for one such as you. Help her.

Shiftry: <stern look> ...okay, fine... <leaves with his crew to go to the destination>

Jumpluff: .... <looks over to ChrisV>

ChrisV: <looks over to Jumpluff> ...what?

Jumpluff: ... <smiles and winks> <sexily walks away>

ChrisV: OwO...I wish I knew where my penis is right now...

Bulbasaur: Goddamn...baby got back. <watches her a little> Okay, fun's over. Snap out of it.

ChrisV: Aw...alright. Man, what I wouldn't do to sneak into her shower...

Lombre: Heheheh! Catch a view of that sweet hot pepper, ese?

Bulbasaur: I think I remember her having a crush on me at one point in my life but I can't remember when. You can have her if you want, Chris.

ChrisV: *SWEET!!!* I will give you a hug now. <hugs Bulbasaur>

Bulbasaur: Heheh...thanks, but I think people might think you're gay.

ChrisV: <lays off> Oh sorry.

Lombre: Doesn't surprise me. Hombrés would do anything for that mamacita de caliente.

ChrisV: So who were those pokemon?

Lombre: They're Alakazam's team, the most famous one around these parts. That one, Charizard, his Flamethrower can melt mountains, man! And Tyranitar, he's pretty damn strong, he can knock Chuck Norris the fuck out! Oh and Alakazam can throw you against a wall without touching you, man! Don't mess with these hot tamales!

Jumpluff: <walks to Alakazam> I can't thank you enough, Alakazam.

Alakazam: No need for thanks. It is only natural that you get help. If anyone turns you down again, come see me. Goodbye. <walks away from Jumpluff with his team> <suddenly stops after passing ChrisV, Bulbasaur and Lombre> ... <turns to the three>

Lombre: GAH-! Don't scare me like that, ese!

Charizard: What's up, Alakazam?

Alakazam: <stares at ChrisV a little> ....it's nothing. Let's go. <continues on his way>

ChrisV: Any of you guys know what he was staring at me for?

Bulbasaur: He kinda stared at you as if you defeated him a long time back.

ChrisV: I thought he looked at me as if I done something wrong...but then again I always get looked at that way.

Bulbasaur: So I noticed...

Lombre: You lucky that he didn't have to knock you out, man.

Bulbasaur: Can we just go to the Power Plant now? Sure, the rescue team he's got goin is pretty cool, but right now we gotta see Dean and Jim before they forget how to breathe.

Lombre: Oh those eses? They thought I sold tequilla!

ChrisV: Sounds like them, alright. Come on, Bulbasaur. <leaves for the Power Plant with him>

Power Plant

ChrisV: Hey, we need your retardedness.

Dean: Not now! I'm making important documents and stuff.

ChrisV: <looks at what Dean's doing> Those are scribbles, Dean.

Bulbasaur: I'm pretty sure that's not shorthand.

ChrisV: More like drunkhand.

Bulbasaur: <snicker>

Jim: You guys DO know what happened to him like 2 years back, right?

ChrisV: No and we don't care.

Bulbasaur: Him for the sake of comedy, me for the sake of not wanting to know.

ChrisV: So will you come with us? There's beer and hot chicks we can bang.

Bulbasaur: As far as I know, no one would bang you if they were gay or straight. I mean you might be cute and all, but you haven't really done shit.

ChrisV: So? I can still enjoy the view. They don't mind.

Jim: Where're you from?

ChrisV: Don't know if you'd know the place, actually. I'm from somewheres in South Carolina, a state in the United States of America on planet Earth. North America's a continent that rests on water, so don't worry about falling off.

Bulbasaur: And this South Carolina is on this North America you're talking about?

ChrisV: Exactly, Bulbasaur. However, I think it might be too far away in space. In fact, I have to ask. Is Kanto anywhere around here? I mean this is the same PokeUniverse I've fallen into, right?

Bulbasaur: Not sure if I've heard of Kanto, either.

ChrisV: <gets a little uneasy> ...um...Johto? Hoenn? That new place?

Bulbasaur: No, no, and clarify that.

ChrisV: I forget the name.

Bulbasaur: Then probably not.

ChrisV: ...oh boy. This is definitely more complicated than I thought.

Bulbasaur: What're you going on about now?

ChrisV: Nothing...it's cool. Really.

Bulbasaur: Listen, if you get edgy about being here, you really shouldn't. You wanted to bang some chicks in clubs and stuff, remember?

ChrisV: Oh yeah.

Dean: 8B

Bulbasaur: Uh, aren't we supposed to form a rescue team and not dick around in an abandoned power plant that amazingly still works?

Dean: This isn't a power plant, it's a nightclub! An empty one! That's why it's all flashy!

Bulbasaur: Listen, either you come with us or you get sent to Wishcash.

Dean: OH NO, DUDE!!! NOT WISHCASH!!! <goes to the two>

ChrisV: <looks at Jim> Aren't you coming?

Jim: I don't think I'd help much, actually... >.>

ChrisV: Pussy.

Pokemon Square

Team AWESOME: <read a sign for the opening of Makuhita Dojo>

ChrisV: So this guy's opened a dojo?

Dean: Isn't that a place in a Chinese movie where ninjas try to kill people?

Bulbasaur: No, it's where you train your body and become stronger.

Dean: So I can have muscles that're more awesome and stuff?

ChrisV: ....

Dean: ....what?

ChrisV: Nevermind, dude. <pulls Bulbasaur aside> I'm betting this guy is a victim of the Homestar Runner theory of invisible arms.

Bulbasaur: Probably.

Dean: Are you guys talking about me?

ChrisV: How much you like dragons.

Dean: Dragons are cool.

Makuhita Dojo

Makuhita: <drunk> Konichiwa, young travelers! I will teach you how to fell your foes like a tidal wave on a rock! BONZAI!!!

ChrisV: o_o...are you in Drunken Fist mode?

Makuhita: Maybe. :3

Bulbasaur: You know about Drunken Fist?

ChrisV: If you get really drunk on like Chinese wine or Japanese beer, you'll be able to learn how to fight effectively when you're drunk.

Makuhita: So!? Join!?

ChrisV: RUN AWAY!!! <runs away>

Bulbasaur and Dean: <run after ChrisV>

Pokemon Square

ChrisV: <catches his breath and collapses in the middle of the place>

Dean: Quit exaggerating.

Bulbasaur: Dean, I think he might be dehydrated from running.

ChrisV: Need...soda... <keff>

Lombre: HOLY CRAP THIS ESE NEED SODA <steals some soda from the Keckleon Bros. and makes him gulp it down>

ChrisV: <kickflips back to his feet> Now that's some damn good caffine!

Bulbasaur: Whew...thought you would die or something.

ChrisV: Nah, I'm cool.

Dean: Awesome! Chris can save himself from thirst!

ChrisV: That I can.

Lombre: By the way, hombres, the pokemon around here can't evolve. I dunno why, but...

ChrisV: Seriously? Talk about stunted growth.

Bulbasaur: In your case, anyway. <snicker>

ChrisV: Hey, being short has its advantages, buddy. <raises eyebrows>

Bulbasaur: ...now that's perverted.

ChrisV: LOL

Lombre: LOS ESES!!! This is no time to be laughing! The pokemon can't evolve! You're a rescue team, right? Try and find out!

ChrisV: Kay.

Dean: I wanna break stuff and hit people!

ChrisV: Alright fine, let's go back to Mt. Steel. Besides, you're Lv6 anyway.

Keckleon: Oh boooooys!

Dean: Who's that, a hooker?

ChrisV: No, that's Keckleon and Chem. They're really...REALLY gay.

Team AWESOME: <walks over to the Keckleon Bros.>

Bulbasaur: I'm actually surprised and disappointed that you guys didn't get your asses kicked back there.

Keckleon: We have a TM that might make that cute Magnemite friend of yours stronger!

ChrisV: For the love of god don't say lube.

Chem: Oh no no no, it's the Thunderbolt move.

Dean: THUNDERBOLT!!?? RIGHTEOUS!!! 8D

Chem: 8,000 Poke, please.

Team AWESOME: EIGHT THOUSAND!!??

ChrisV: Jesus, no wonder some people send hatemail!

Bulbasaur: You sure we can't haggle?

Chem: If we cuddle I might give it to you for free. ;3

Bulbasaur: o_o....we'll come back with the money, then.

Dean: Breaking stuff!

ChrisV: Alright, Strong Mad, no reason to get riled up too early. Come on, Bulbasaur, let's leave them to their incest session.

Bulbasaur: <runs away with the team>

Mt. Steel

Team AWESOME: <bitchslap a Zigzagoon>

Zigzagoon: OWCHIES 8(

Team AWESOME: o.O?

Zigzagoon: Okay fine, I'm done being an asshole....can I join your team? All I wanted was to get out of this stupid mountain dungeon place. I'm lost! And these other pokemon keep pushing me around!

ChrisV: Okay, but no back-stabbing.

Zigzagoon: Um...all I wanted was to get out of here. And with people.

ChrisV: Yeah yeah, just hang tightly. What level are you?

Zigzagoon: Lv5.

ChrisV: Meh, good enough. Let's go.

Bulbasaur: You sure we can-

ChrisV: Shut up.

Bulbasaur: But he-

ChrisV: SHUT UP! We found a playmate for Dean, so don't ruin it for us!

Dean: My name's Dean! I'm awesome and stuff.

Zigzagoon: ...I'm sure you are.

After they cleared the dungeon they had to go back to their Friend Areas and stuff. Now the next day comes.

ChrisV: <wakes up and goes to the kitchen>

Bulbasaur: Glad to see you're finally up.

ChrisV: What's this you cooked up?

Bulbasaur: Syrup-filled Eggos.

ChrisV: Damn, they thought of everything.

Bulbasaur: I even hear they have not only their own cereal, but also Lego-shaped Eggos. They're crazy.

ChrisV: I hear ya.

But after they both ate breakfast...and I mean right after...

???: Yo! Team AWESOME! Get outside! We wanna talk to you!

Bulbasaur: Um...do we have flamers already?

???: HEY! I SAID get the hell out here, boy!

Bulbasaur: Come on, let's go see what they want before they break a window or something.

Dean: <gets out from in the oven> Dad told me I can't breathe so I slept in the space box last night!

ChrisV: Come on, Dean, somebody wants to talk to us.

Outside Team AWESOME Base

ChrisV: And who are you guys?

Ekans: About time, you slackers. I'm Ekans. This is Genger and Medicham. We're the rescue team of awesomeness and not YOU.

ChrisV: Then what's your team name?

Medicham: WELL IT'S...uh...um...uh....pass?

Gengar: We don't have one yet.

Ekans: And basically that's what's keeping us from doing requests. ;

Bulbasaur: Wow. You guys are systematically dumber than Dean over here.

Dean: You guys SAY you're awesome, right? Then how awesome are ya? Take any rescue papers lately?

Gengar: Well-

Dean: Didn't think so! That's why we're named Team AWESOME, in capital letters, so go fuck yourselves, losers!

Medicham: Jesus, you didn't have to be so harsh...

Gengar: Medicham, you're a pussy. Why did we include you again?

ChrisV: Aw, did the big mean Magnemite hurt your feewings? ....well I don't care.

Ekans: Heyguesswhat? <snatches mail> Kekekekekeke! <runs off with the mail and the other two>

ChrisV: o.O?

Bulbasaur: They took our requests?

ChrisV: They could've ransacked us instead.

Bulbasaur: Yeah, I mean the Pelipper Post Office will keep sending us shit no matter what they do.

Dean: I want to punch more people in the face!

ChrisV: Yeah, that might kill some time.

Bulbasaur: Can we actually do something this time?

ChrisV: Like what?

Bulbasaur: Something on the job list.

ChrisV: OH THE JOB LIST- yeah we can do something to help these people.

Bulbasaur: ;

And so after another rescue mission, something happened the next morning.

ChrisV: <hears knocking on the door> What now, Keckleon?

Bulbasaur: Nah, they'd be yelling through the door right now.

Outside Team AWESOME Base

ChrisV: Oh hey, Caterpie.

Caterpie: You guys I really need your help again! Metapod got lost in the woods!

Ekans: YAY A JOB!!! <rush to Caterpie>

Caterpie: OH MY GOSH IT'S PEOPLE WHO WILL PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN AT ME!!!

Gengar: Um...no we won't. o.O; We're here to save your friend.

ChrisV: No no no, WE'RE here to save your friend. They don't have a mailbox-

Ekans: Then let's see who gets Metapod first!

Bulbasaur: Why can't we just fight you guys?

Ekans: Because little kids don't need to see people fighting, DUH.

Dean: Stupid.

Bulbasaur: <bitchslaps Dean with one of his vines>

Ekans: See you at the finish line, dumbasses! <turns to leave>

Dean: How come Medicham isn't talking?

Gengar: We cover his useless mouth with duct tape regularly.

Dean: That's really invisible duct tape you're using there.

Gengar: Yes. Yes it is. ;

ChrisV: Come up with a name yet?

Ekans: Now that I think about it...yeah. Our team is Team WICKED! Suck on that one!

ChrisV: You know the highest intensity of cool is "Rad," right?

Gengar: Yeah.

ChrisV: I'm pretty sure Alakazam's team is called that unless he's really into Japanese words.

Bulbasaur: Uuuuh, because he's JAPANESE!?

ChrisV: <turns to Bulbasaur> Uuuuh, could you shut up and let me THINK!? <turns back to Team WICKED>

Dean: You guys look lame.

Ekans: And YOU look retarded!

Bulbasaur: Oh no SHIT. He's probably a high-school dropout.

Dean: Teacher says I don't need anymore school.

Caterpie: Can you mean men go now? Please?

Gengar: Alright, let's leave the kid alone- TO THE WOODS

Team WICKED: <run to the Sinister Woods>

ChrisV: See, Caterpie? If you stay in school, you won't be like those dumb mean men.

Caterpie: Okay. Can you please find Metapod now?

Bulbasaur: Yeah we should probably be doing that before they do. Where did you say he got lost again?

Caterpie: The Sinister Woods.

ChrisV: Then let's go!

Dean: Smashing bad guys! Wait. What about Jim?

ChrisV: What about him?

Dean: I need to let him know that I'm taking up a major mission and stuff.

ChrisV: Okay, hurry up.

Power Plant

Dean: Hey Jim, I'm going out with Team AWESOME to bust some heads and save this one guy from people we gotta bust.

Jim: I really have to wonder why I can't go. Stupid 3 people limit. You sure you can help them out?

Dean: Yeah 'cause I can get run over and still live!

Jim: Well alright, just take them all out to beer and chicks afterwards, alright?

Dean: Totally, bro!

Jim: Kick some ass for me.

Pokemon Square

Bulbasaur: You know we're going the wrong way, right?

ChrisV: Yeah, I just wanna see what happens when we bring Dean back into society for a few minutes.

Bulbasaur: You don't make any sense, you know that?

ChrisV: Not one bit.

Dean: Hey look, it's Wigglytuff! Maybe she grew boobs this time!

Wigglytuff: Oh, it's YOU GUYS again. And may I remind you three that I DO have boobs, it's just that they're completely flat. In fact, they're probably growing inside of me instead of outside.

ChrisV: Inward boobs? That must be hard to deal with...

Wigglytuff: Have you considered shutting up? I don't know you!

Bulbasaur: Oh, this dude? His name's Chris. I found him just outside Tiny Woods and I'm taking him in as a roomie.

Dean: Me too!

Bulbasaur: Dean, you just choose to break into my house and sleep in my oven.

Dean: You need better oven racks, dude. They're seriously getting rusty.

Bulbasaur: I'll keep that in mind...I guess. Anyway, quit blowing off Chris already! What's he done to you?

Wigglytuff: Piss me off for one...

Bulbasaur: Well I guess you must not take a joke. The crack about the inward boobs was actually pretty funny in case you didn't notice.

Wigglytuff: Why are you wasting your time questioning what things I think as funny when you could be doing something with your spare time?

ChrisV: Jesus, why're you so pent up?

Wigglytuff: You're holding me to not stamping you for your friend areas.

ChrisV: No shit.

Wigglytuff: Walked right into that one...

Bulbasaur: Seriously, Wigglytuff what's the matter? You're not this pissed off.

Wigglytuff: It's this stupid wannabe rescue team who keep babbling about "world domination" and everything. They keep downloading porn to my computer, which may I remind you guys, is my WORK COMPUTER!!! I always have to delete it before my boss comes to check up on how I'm doing on my shift, and sometimes it takes forever! The smut even includes videos of Team Wicked itself getting horny at the camera as if they want me to fulfill their sick fantasies!

ChrisV: ROFL!!!

Wigglytuff: That's not funny, damn you! <throws a pen> <pen hits ChrisV on the snout>

ChrisV: <stops laughing> Hey not so hard, I actually got a pen "tattoo" from my sister doing that to me once.

Wigglytuff: Why are you so cynical!?

ChrisV: Because I love cynical humor in comedy!

Wigglytuff: Then why don't you just fuck off!?

ChrisV: I dunno. <smiles>

Wigglytuff: You better seriously, just shut up for like ten minutes or I will kick your ass.

ChrisV: <giggles>

Wigglytuff: I'm serious, SHUT UP!

ChrisV: Alright alright! <hides his smile in his hands>

Bulbasaur: How pissed off are you usually?

Wigglytuff: I don't know, Bulbasaur. Maybe it's the period, maybe it's Team Wicked, maybe it's how boring my life is without school in the way, I dunno.

ChrisV: <still snickering>

Dean: <looking retarded>

Wigglytuff: I mean, I have a crappy job, I have no boyfriends at the moment, and it really doesn't help that you're married to Kangaskhan of all people. You really could've hooked me up, Bulbasaur!

Bulbasaur: I hate to break it to you, but I don't love you! I love Kangaskhan!

Wigglytuff: Name something she got that I don't got.

Bulbasaur: A nice, big ass for one. <smug>

Wigglytuff: Be serious.

ChrisV: <trying his damndest not to laugh>

Dean: What're you laughing at?

ChrisV: She's so mad! She looks so funny when she's mad over nothing!

Wigglytuff: <looks over to ChrisV> <rolls her eyes> UGH...anyway, tell me what she's got.

Bulbasaur: She's not annoying, she's sexy, and she has a calm approach to things instead of being very delicate and hard to handle all the time!

Wigglytuff: She can even handle you acting awkward around her for nigh on five months?

Bulbasaur: We're better now. I don't really feel that awkward anymore.

Wigglytuff: Well you guys probably have a son now.

Bulbasaur: We do, actually. However, we haven't come up with a name yet.

Wigglytuff: I say you should give the kid a name pretty soon. Like within the next few days. It's wanting a name, already.

ChrisV: <snickering louder>

Wigglytuff: I mean it IS a baby and all... <looks over at ChrisV> ...and it needs a lot of care, and caring for it also means giving it a name... <looks over at ChrisV with an angrier look on her face> ...and it also means......that you and your wife... <picks up her coffee mug of pens> ...should spend more time to-GETHER!!! <smashes her coffee mug over ChrisV's head> SHUT UP, CHRIS!!!

ChrisV: <still laughing but holding his head> Ow! <starts to stop laughing> Oh that was good...okay I think I'm better now.... <wipes blood off his head>

Dean: That looks fun!

Wigglytuff: Actually, it IS a lot of fun! Here, let me show you! <smashes her mug full of coffee over Dean's face>

Dean: AAAAAAAAAAGH!!! HOT COFFEE IN MY EYE!!! IT BURNS SO BAD, MAN!!! AAAAAAAAAGH!!! <screaming in pain>

Bulbasaur: How much attention do you plan on attracting to yourself?

Wigglytuff: You guys really shouldn't have come here. At all. This is just not one of by better days.

Bulbasaur: ....is there any way I can make you feel better?

Wigglytuff: If you suffocate Chris with a gag.

Bulbasuar: I can't do that.

Wigglytuff: Then get the hell out of here, all of you.

Bulbasaur: Okay. Hey Chris! ...Chris?

ChrisV: <kinda dizzy from that hit> Oh man...I think she made a concussion. I'm so getting her back for that...

Bulbasaur: Dude, don't start a war. PLEASE don't. None of this concerns you.

ChrisV: Hey Bulbasaur....is it okay if blood is streaming down my face?

Bulbasaur: <looks at ChrisV's nasty head-bleeding> No...no it's not. Want me to call for help?

ChrisV: Don't you just eat an Oran Berry...?

Bulbasaur: No, you don't just eat an Oran Berry. You don't even smoosh it and pour the juice all over the wound either, so don't get any ideas.

ChrisV: Dude, if my condition is serious, that bitch is getting thrown in fucking jail.

Bulbasaur: I would want the same if I were you right now.

Dean: OH GOD!!! OH GOD THE PAIN!!! <eye is bloodshot red now>

Gardevoir: *Hold still.* <psychically holds ChrisV in place and removes the wound magically>

Bulbasaur: Woah....dude, are you able to absorb wounds like a freaking starfish!?

ChrisV: You mean regenerate?

Bulbasaur: Yeah!

ChrisV: It's not there anymore?

Bulbasaur: No, it's gone!

ChrisV: What was that...

Dean: <has his eye tightly shut> I'm afraid to open my eye now...it hurts...

Bulbasaur: It's okay, I have eye drops. <puts some eye drops in Dean's eye>

Dean: <eye quickly heals> Thanks, bro.

Wigglytuff: GET THE HELL OUT OF MY STORE!!!

ChrisV: Will do.

Team AWESOME: <runs away>

Sinister Woods

Team AWESOME: <runs into the woods>

ChrisV: Woah, where are we?

Bulbasaur: Apparently we ran straight into where we're supposed to be.

Dean: Righteous! Knocking people down and stuff! <clangs magnet hands>

Bulbasaur: Dude, don't create sparks, you might set me on fire.

Dean: Dude, I'll only set you on fire if I knew heat vision.

Team WICKED: <yells from the second floor> We're WAAAAITIIIING!!! <runs away>

ChrisV: Get back here, you wannabe porn actors! <runs after them with the team>

And so it's settled! Will we succeed in our rescue mission before they do somehow!? Find out next time and stuff!