Children of Euvan

by Tsukasa Fan

in Completed Works

< 'Taka into Scar' by Tsukasa Fan

Children of Euvan

Prologue
He strode to the door of the house; dressed in a dark cloak, his face mystifyingly shrouding his face in darkness, for no eyes could meet his. He carried a small infant, who was sleeping soundly, bundled in a fluffy white blanket. A chill was in the early January air, the gentlest breeze stinging the back of his cloaked neck, and he was set out to make someone's night. He lifted the infant to eye level, waking her. The tiny child was placid in nature and giggled at the sight of his dark, strange face. He spoke in a low tone, as if talking to the child directly, as if she could perhaps understand his arrangement of words.
"It is time for you, my creation, to be brought upon the world, and no one expects your arrival. They ridiculed me; they said it couldn't be done. They told me it was forced reincarnation, but I say it's a break through." He paused to bring her close to him, ready to walk again. "Besides, it's not you who is the worry. How can anyone possibly be afraid of a cow human?"
Inside the house, a light was burning in the living room, where Rodger Marcus tried to comfort his mourning wife, Dianne. The couple was still getting over the loss of their son, Joshua, who died an untimely death at the age of eight months, three months ago from this day. To add to the sorrow, a month ago, they found Joshua's grave had been robbed, leaving no trace of their precious baby boy. It hurt that someone would actually rob a grave belonging to a child in their infancy.
> 'Rain test' by Tsukasa Fan

Description

Nov 23rd 2008
Tags:
children euvan fantasy human nature mystery society spiritual surreal
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so I thought I would give it a go... truning my comic into a book...
well this is what I have so far...

*I Want Crits! Tell Me Of Anyway I Could Improve The Writing!!!!
just please... DO NOT be rude!

Comments

Kuhn13 Says:

its great.....as far as i see no probs

Arctic Master Says:

Crit? I can give ya plenty... *cracks knuckles*

Well, personally, I only see two problems with this story... well, it may not be problems, but... more like suggestions. The first one is that I believe this prologue could've been a teeny bit longer. The way it's told, now, the reader is kinda left hanging, a bit. What I mean is, you should probably fill us in on the story a bit more, from where the shady man came in, to what happened with the family (and Stacy) after he left.

Problem two is more of another option. When you head on out to the next paragraph, you should probably double space the paragraph (hitting enter twice). It sorts out the words, so the story isn't a large wall of text that some people have to scan twice, to read one line. It also neatens out the story a bit more, as well as lengthen it.

Aaand that's about it. And I wasn't trying to be rude, in anyway, about critisizing, or at least I hope you take it that way...

Hope this helped, at least a little...