ChrisV's Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Adventures Ep1 Pt2

ChrisV's Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Adventures Ep1 Pt2

ChrisV: <walks over there> ...Gulpin?

Gulpin: That's me, brotha! You know me from somewhere?

ChrisV: No, you just happen to be very familiar somehow. What's this craziness you got set up over here?

Gulpin: Move links, brotha! The stickiest of the icky!

ChrisV: You're talkin bout weed.

Gulpin: Oh, I mean THE SKILLS YOU NEED TO STOMP A MUDHOLE IN HIS ASS, BITCH!!! I got yo needs right here! 150 Poke, that's all I need, man!

ChrisV: Aaaaaaaaand, why? What's this you're selling, already?

Gulpin: I told you, move links! You link up yo moves so you can do two at a time!

ChrisV: No kidding? Awesome! ....but I only have shitty moves like Leer and Growl and crap...

Gulpin: Hey, that's more useful than you think, man. Those moves affect all the mothas in the room who needs their ass beat, yo!

ChrisV: Yeah, I'll believe it when I see it. You got any water-type moves or...

Gulpin: Hell no, I just know about moves! I can also help you link em up so you can do both of em at a time in orderly fashion, dog!

ChrisV: Damn....

Gulpin: Unless the Keckleon Faggots have a TM you can use, you mo stuck than Rosie O Donnell in a small elevator doorway! BOOM!

ChrisV: Well thanks for trying to help me out, dude.

Bulbasaur: Gulpin didn't give you any trouble did he?

ChrisV: Naw, man we just chillin. It's cool.

Bulbasaur: Don't talk like you know ebonics.

ChrisV: Well I love you too, Bulbasaur...

Bulbasaur: Gulpin, what the fuck good are you unless you have some TMs? This guy needs some Water-types!

Gulpin: I wish I could legally get my hands on em, but it's up to the Keckleon Faggots up over there, man! I can't do anything about it!

Bulbasaur: Then steal the damn things!

Gulpin: Everybody can notice a full Gulpin, okay? EVERYBODY! ...so no.

Bulbasaur: UGH, fine. I almost had you this time...come on, Chris. Let's- <sees ChrisV chasing Pelipper to the post office> .....

Gulpin: Aw, let him learn, Bulbasaur. He ain't goin to anybody potentially dangerous.

Bulbasaur: Since when was Pelipper not potentially dangerous?

Gulpin: You know what the hell I mean, dammit!

Bulbasaur: Well yeah, maybe I do, but-

Gulpin: He seems to like Pelipper, okay? Not many people are like that with him because of his randomness!

Bulbasaur: .....alright, but if he gets raped, I'm suing.

Gulpin: You don't have much money.

Bulbasaur: Shut the hell up, Gulpin...

Post Office

ChrisV: <slows down to a walk in front of the post office to catch his breath>

Pelipper: DE BLARGITAH!!! <cocks head at a 90 degree angle> <lifts it back up>

ChrisV: Yay I found you!

Pelipper: Why you followin me, boy? You have some stuff with me?

ChrisV: I can be crazy too.

Pelipper: Well let's watch and see if the squirrels agree.

ChrisV: <clears throat> HOLY SHIT IT'S A GARDEN GNOME PIRATE ATTACK!!! THEY'VE COME TO STEAL OUR PLAYSTATIONS!!!

Pelipper: OH NO NOT THE PLAYSTATIONS!!! THAT THE LIFE FORCE OF NEW JERSEY!!!

ChrisV: SOMEBODY SAVE US FROM THEIR KFC GUNS!!!

Pelipper: The squirrels like you! 8D I'm Pelipper!

ChrisV: I'm Chris, you silly!

Pelipper: YAY

ChrisV: YAY

Pelipper: Shut up.

ChrisV: Kay. So uh...what's going down?

Pelipper: Well DUH, people falling into caves. And natural disasters. By the way, it felt like some Dugtrio or something kept following me. Anyway, this is a mail place, no duh.

ChrisV: .....I suddenly forgot why I came here. <wanders back to the town>

Pelipper: lols

Pokemon Square

Bulbasaur: He didn't weird you out, did he?

ChrisV: Let's just say we're both working on the same mentality.

Bulbasaur: ....what?

ChrisV: Nothing. Let's go back home for now. Thanks for showing me around.

Bulbasaur: Excuse me, thanks? You're the one who up and wandered off! You can't always do that in a new place, okay?

ChrisV: Well if you hate this city so much why don't you move out?

Bulbasaur: Because I have the nagging urge to save people from dying in caves and mountains and stuff! ....that, and you're pretty much the only solace I have right now.

ChrisV: What about your wife?

Bulbasaur: .....

ChrisV: <gives off a "you know who I'm talking about" expression>

Bulbasaur: <sigh> ....I should go talk to her, shouldn't I?

ChrisV: <looks at the sky and notices it's sunset> I would probably do that right now if I were you. <pats him on the bulb> Go get 'er, tiger. <walks home>

Bulbasaur: ..... <walks over to Kangaskhan's Storage>

Kangaskhan: <standing outside the stand for some reason> Hm? You don't usually come here at this hour, honey. Somethin on your mind?

Kangaskhan's Son: ?

Bulbasaur: Well....uh....I was wondering if.....maybe.....we could talk....about-

Kangaskhan: <picks Bulbasaur up and hugs him> Shh....you don't need to say anything else. I know what you're talking about, dear...

Bulbasaur: .....I-I'm sorry....

Kangaskhan: It's okay, baby....I forgive you....

Bulbasaur: <hugs back> I still love you...

Kangaskhan: Just try to feel less awkward around me, okay? <puts him down>

Bulbasaur: Want me to think up a name for the kid in the family?

Kangaskhan: Nah, just leave it to me. I'll think up something. Anyway, I gotta go back in my stand since it's my temporary home, so I'll see you tommorow, honey.

Bulbasaur: Okay...bye, Kangaskhan. <walks home>

Later that Night

ChrisV's Room

ChrisV: <asleep>

Dream Sequence

Static Pokemon Shadows: <speak garbled speech at ChrisV>

ChrisV: The hell are you trying to say? ...come on, speak up.

Static Pokemon Shadows: ..... <turn and walk away>

ChrisV: Pft...FINE. I'll just wake back up then. Bitches...

The next morning

ChrisV's Room

ChrisV: <wakes up and notices a slight rumble> The hell?

Dugtrio: <pops out the ground in the room> Can you help us please!?

ChrisV: Yeah if you back the hell up and patch the hole while you're at it.

Dug1: Hey screw you, our baby's trapped up Mt. Steel and we want it back!

Dug2: So don't tell us what to do, m'kay?

Dug3: <loud belch>

ChrisV: Alright, ALRIGHT JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM, THE THREE OF YOU!!!

Dugtrio: <go back down the hole and make the hole disappear somehow>

ChrisV: Jesus... <walks outside>

Team Awesome Base

Bulbasaur: Mind explaing this? <points to Dugtrio in the front yard>

ChrisV: I'M GOING TO BUST WHATEVER BALLS YOU HAVE IF YOU DON'T BACK YOUR UGLY ASS UP ALREADY!!! WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!!!

Dugtrio: <girly scream> <go back into the ground quickly>

Bulbasaur: What was that for?

ChrisV: Long story short, they broke in and told me their baby got stole and put up Mt. Steel or something.

Bulbasaur: Woah...Mt. Steel? I just caught a documentary on that place, it can get kinda brutal. Nine floors, dude!

ChrisV: Alright fine, we'll toughen up for it. Besides, the mailbox is completely stuffed anyway.

<camera zooms in on stuffed mailbox>

Bulbasaur: Which reminds me....is Dugtrio coming back when we get there?

ChrisV: Hope not...

After they got up to Lv15 or so...

Mt. Steel Entrance

Bulbasaur: Time to kick some ass, you ready?

Dugtrio: <pops back up>

ChrisV: <eye twitch> >8( ......

Dugtrio: ...what?

ChrisV: EAT MY SUPER SMASH BROS. BRAWL-DRIVEN FURY YOU G-TARDED FRESHMEN!!! <whips out Golden Hammer> <smashes them up with it>

Dugtrio: @.@ <drop back through the hole>

Bulbasaur: Thank god...I thought I'd have to vine whip em.

Chem: <from inside> Oh you WISH you'd whip me, baby. <giggle>

Bulbasaur: o.O!?

ChrisV: ....nevermind it. <goes in with Bulbasaur>

Mt. Steel 1F

Bulbasaur and ChrisV: <see Chem in a sexy position lying down on the floor> OMG IT'S A PORN SCENE

Chem: Why don't you rest a while and cuddle with meh? <wink>

ChrisV: He's ma-

Bulbasaur: <shoves ChrisV>

ChrisV: <whisper> What!?

Bulbasaur: <whispers> I'll trick him later, just don't tell him for now.

ChrisV: <rolls eyes>

Bulbasaur: Thanks but no thanks.

Chem: Oh come on, can't you-

Bulbasaur: If it makes you feel better I'll let you stare at my ass, okay?

Chem: Hmmm....sold.

Bulbasaur: <facepalm> Let's leave him be. We have work to do.

Chem: By the way I swear if you get hurt I'll worry.

Bulbasaur: ....

ChrisV: Just say nothing.

<montage of ChrisV and Bulbasaur kicking ass>

Mt. Steel 9F

ChrisV: What the hell!? It's over a friggin drop!

Bulbasaur: How are we gonna get him now...

Skarmory: Hold it right there! <swoops in on the two> Get the fuck out of here!

ChrisV: What, you in a hurry to make love to it? There's charges for that, ya know.

Bulbasaur: Skarmory, what the hell are you doing!?

Skarmory: I'm not going to fucking sleep tonight or any night because of the earthquakes happening! These bastard digletts and dugtrios have been running around underground so much that they've somehow caused the planet to have catastrophic attacks of the taco shits!

ChrisV: Um, wouldn't volcanos be erupting by then? Anyway, I'll have you know I've played- ER...been to Kanto and other regions like that, and not once has an earthquake been caused by a bunch of Digglets running around like crazy. In fact, they don't call Digglet's Cave that because it had an earthquake or anything.

Skarmory: YOU SHUT UP!!! WHAT DO YOU KNOW!!??

Bulbasaur: Chris, let me talk to him. Skarmory, we used to be best friends, you know that? What are you trying to prove? Are you trying desperately to act all academic and shit because you learned about platonic movement in high school?

Skarmory: It was in college and I'M USING MY KNOWLEGE TO SHUT THE PLANET UP SO I CAN SLEEP!!! Why do you think my eyes are bloodshot!?

ChrisV: Oh sorry, I thought you were a crack dealer for a second there.

Skarmory: And will you tell your new friend to shut his damn cakehole?

ChrisV: Pft, listen to yourself. Chris Farley's the one who lives in a van down by the river, not you.

Skarmory: You and your half-assed cynicism. I don't even know you yet and you're already pissing me off.

ChrisV: Listen up, if you don't bring us the kid, you're tasting rock-hard ground. Bulbasaur knows Vine Whip.

Bulbasaur: And I'm not afraid to use it if you continue to be an asshole right now.

Skarmory: You know what? YOU'RE the asshole for not letting me save everyone from the earthquakes-

Bulbasaur: SHUT UP ABOUT THE GODDAMN EARTHQUAKES!!! You had your chances, but now we're going to kick your ass all over this bitch!

Skarmory: I'm going to kick your asses so fast your heads'll spin!

ChrisV: Let's rock!

BOSS: SKARMORY

<montage of ChrisV and Bulbasaur fighting Skarmory>

ChrisV: <jumps up and hangs onto Skarmory's head>

Bulbasaur: <jumps up and brings Skarmory face-first to the ground>

Skarmory: <screams of pain> <holds his face>

ChrisV: Wow, you're a real asshat. You didn't use any of your moves, did you?

Skarmory: Shut up...I don't need my moves to...kick your ass... <flies out>

Bulbasaur: HEY YOU COME BACK HERE!!! <sees him fly away> ....I trusted him. What the hell has gotten to his head? This is not the Skarmory I know. And you know what, since I haven't seen him for so long, he probably IS into narcotics.

ChrisV: Well it ain't any of my business. I'm actually afraid you might put me through a suplex if I talk anymore trash about your school buddy.

Bulbasaur: He's not just a school buddy. He's one of my best friends. We always used to keep in touch before I had to move here to get a job. After that, he said he had to take care of some things and...

ChrisV: You lost him, huh?

Bulbasaur: ...yeah.

ChrisV: Then don't think you're getting rid of me. I know it's been a few days, but I already think you're really cool. That and since you're life's pretty hard to manage right now, I think I should be here.

Bulbasaur: Why should you give a shit about me?

ChrisV: I like Bulbasaurs for one, but most importantly I can't stand to see someone lose themselves over both a widespread, life-threatening situation AND a shitty chapter of his life. You'll need me. I know I can be a real cynical asshole to people, but that's just me.

Bulbasaur: Then why aren't you doing it now?

ChrisV: Because I know when to stop, believe it or not. Surprised?

Bulbasaur: .....hey. <walks up to ChrisV> Don't get that way. I assumed earlier you behave better if something really bad happens. That's what cynical people usually get like when something like THIS happens anyway.

ChrisV: I'm not mad. In fact it's actually pretty hard to piss me off.

Bulbasaur: I dunno about that...

ChrisV: ...okay fine, to make me cry.

Bulbasaur: Much better.

ChrisV: ...this might seem gay but can I give you a hug? That usually makes people feel better.

Bulbasaur: ......

ChrisV: ......

Bulbasaur: <hugs ChrisV somewhat tightly> Thanks for sticking up for me. I haven't had a friend like you since-

ChrisV: Since Skarmory, right?

Bulbasaur: ...yeah.

ChrisV: <hugs back> <both let go> But what to do with the kid? We can't reach him from here, not even with your Vine Whip.

Bulbasaur: You guessed right on that one. I can't reach up to a tree branch like 10ft high.

With Skarmory defeated, Bulbasaur and I ponder about how to reach Diglett! CLIFFHANGER MOVE GO!!! See the next one when it comes up!