ChrisV's Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Adventures Ep1 Pt1
Episode 1 Part 1
This is going to be a little different, and I hope you enjoy. This is what I think would happen if I was sucked somehow into the world of Pokmeon Mystery Dungeon Red and Blue Rescue Team.
This warning/note is for n00bs only. Readers with a brain continue to the fic. Before you read this, use common sense. When the people(pokemon) in this fic realize they're naked, IT IS NOT PORN. Pokemon are ferally naked. Use. Your. Brain. If you are smarter than that, you can read this thing. You can't SEE anything, duh. Game Freak is more considerate than THAT. And it's pretty obvious I don't own shit other than my own house.
Forest
ChrisV: <dazedly wakes up in front of a Bulbasaur as a Totodile> Damn...did I have a hangover or what...
Bulbasaur: You okay?
ChrisV: Yeah I think so...but I feel smaller.
Bulbasaur: That's because you're a Totodile.
ChrisV: ... <slowly looks at himself> .... *Well that's...good I guess?* Um....yay? <looks at himself a little more> COOL I'M NAKED!!!
Bulbasaur: What...?
ChrisV: What were we talking about?
Bulbasaur: Dude, we were talking about...nevermind. I'm Bulbasaur.
ChrisV: Yes, I see that. I write my papers by the name ChrisV, but you can just call me Chris.
Bulbasaur: Hmm...you know what? That sounds like a really cool name for a Totodile!
ChrisV: You know what else is fitting? I like water and almost anything that swims underwater, it seems.
Bulbasaur: Yeah...whatever.
???: YO!!! I NEED HELP OVER HERE!!!
Bulbasaur: Hey, somebody's shouting like they're in a mosh pit or something!
Butterfree: <hovers up to the two>
Bulbasaur: What's goin down?
Butterfree: My poor baby Caterpie fell into a cavern! Can you please help him!?
ChrisV: HEY HEY HEY, calm down! We'll get him back for ya.
Butterfree: Um...thanks, but I'm not done panicking yet.
Bulbasaur: Continue.
Butterfree: Thanks. <goes back to panicking mode> Anyway, a huge fissure opened in the ground, and my Caterpie fell in! He's too young to crawl out by himself! When I went to get my baby, Pokemon suddenly attacked me!
Bulbasaur: You were camped?
Butterfree: YES!!! ...I think. Anyway, YOU MUST HELP MY BABY AND I'M NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO HELP MY BABY I'M ONLY LEVEL 3!!! <sad face>
Bulbasaur: Chris, we have to help this guy!
ChrisV: I don't want to see anything really bad happen to little babies either, so let's do it.
<both run off>
Tiny Woods B1F
ChrisV: <defeats a Pidgey> *This battle system's pretty awkward...*
Bulbasaur: <defeats a Sunkern> Hate that damn Absorb move...
ChrisV: <continues fighting with Bulbasaur up to the exit> ...
Bulbasaur: Whatcha stalling for?
ChrisV: I still think this isn't a dungeon.
Bulbasaur: Get in gear! The baby might be dead!
ChrisV: HOLY SHIT IT'S DOUBLE JEOPARDY!!! <runs down the stairs>
Bulbasaur: <follows>
Tiny Woods B5F
Caterpie: <crying a little> Mommy...where are you...
ChrisV: <runs up to the baby with Bulbasaur> *Thank god, no injuries.* Hey, you okay? We're here to take you back to mommy.
Caterpie: <turns to the two> ?
Bulbasaur: Come on, let's get you outta here. There's big ol mean people that'll do really bad things to you if you stay.
Caterpie: Ok.
ChrisV: *Well that was easy. Usually they pull the "Mommy taught me not to talk to strangers" line.*
Forest
Butterfree: Yay, my baby's safe! How could I ever thank you!? X3
Bulbasaur: Don't sweat it. It's pretty dangerous with quakes and fissures late- waaait...you're the kid's dad, right?
Butterfree: He mixed up "daddy" and "mommy".
ChrisV: That explains it.
Bulbasaur: Anyway, I'm Bulbasaur, and this here is Chris.
Caterpie: <stares at ChrisV adoringly>
ChrisV: o_O; *Geez, somebody reboot the kid.*
Butterfree: Here, take these berries. You guys deserve it. <gives Oran, Pecha, and Rawst Berries to Bulbasaur> See you later! <leaves with Caterpie>
Bulbasaur: Thanks for helping me out, bro. You kicked ass! ...so what're you gonna do now?
ChrisV: Dunno.
Bulbasaur: ...listen, dude. If you don't have a place to stay, you should come with me.
ChrisV: Cool, thanks!
Team Base
Bulbasaur: Well this is the place. Mind the mess, I had a bumpin party last night.
ChrisV: Nah, it's okay.
Bulbasaur: Anyway, there's been some natural disasters recently. There's been some suffering, and I figured I'd help. So you wanna join me?
ChrisV: Feels like I don't have a choice. Might get boring if I look up furries.
Bulbasaur: Heheh...I'll pretend I didn't hear the last part.
ChrisV: ....what's with the stare?
Bulbasaur: <snaps back to reality> Oh sorry. I was just thinking up a team name for some reason.
ChrisV: And what's the name?
Bulbasaur: .....
ChrisV: Okay I got one. How about...Team AWESOME?
Bulbasaur: ...you've lost your mind, haven't you?
ChrisV: It's stuck in 1994.
Bulbasaur:
;
ChrisV: You know, we're both attractive. We can go to the club and hit up some fly-
Bulbasaur: Shut up. Just get inside.
And that is how this craziness started. Go figure.
<title comes up>
Pigeotto: <flies and crashes into it> WHAT THE HELL!? <falls into the ocean>
Bulbasaur: <looks out his window> I swear I'll snipe the next person who flies into the friggin title sequence.
The next morning...
ChrisV: <wakes up> ....I'm still the same? <10 second silence> I guess I'm stuck like this. Oh well, I'm pretty sure I'll get out of this place soon enough...hopefully I'll be able to come back. I mean, I'm able to defend myself without taking up Karate and Tae Kwon Do classes for less than a month. But I haven't really used any uh...Water-type attacks. I hope some of you noticed that by now..... <mind wanders> <snaps back to reality> HOLY CRAP I'M IN A KICKASS WATERY ROOM!!! 83 ...wait...what's Bulbasaur doing? I hope he's not in his bed uh...fantasizing...in fact, where IS his room? <walks out of his room>
Kitchen
ChrisV: Not here either. Better check outside.
Front Yard
Bulbasaur: <all wet and stuff catching his breath>
ChrisV: What the Crocodile Dundee happened to you?
Bulbasaur: ....don't know. Was I sleepswimming?
ChrisV: ...if you're wet...probably.
Bulbasaur: <looks at self> Why do I keep doing that...anyway, I'm gonna check the mail. <checks mailbox and gets Rescue Team Starter Set> ....what the?
ChrisV: Hey, don't get it soggy! Might be a bill! <shoves him out the way and grabs it> .....what the Homestar Runner is this? <opens up the set and sees Rescue Team Badge, Toolbox and Issue of Pokemon News inside> Is Neighborhood Watch spying on us or something?
Bulbasaur: I dunno, but I guess we need that badge to-
ChrisV: Hell no. I'm not getting my sexy Totodile scales scratched up by this thing. I might bleed.
Bulbasaur.....then put it on one of your spine thingies.
ChrisV: No. This thing is worthless. <throws it away> <holds up toolbox> But this thing is WAY more useful, obviously.
Bulbasaur: But why a toolbox? Why not a backpack?
ChrisV: Be....cause some...people here are....quadrapeds? <shrugs> <keeps Toolbox> <picks up Issue of Pokemon News> So these the papes?
Bulbasaur: Yeah, pretty much. Don't mention my name to them cause, uh...they think I owe them money.
ChrisV: You probably do.
Bulbasaur: They do that to everyone.
ChrisV: ....then you don't.
Bulbasaur: Exactly. Just stay away from their office...jerkoffs...
ChrisV: <folds it up and puts it in the toolbox> Really annoying that I don't have pockets anymore.
Bulbasaur: Get used to it.
Pelipper: <flies by and sticks some mail in the mailbox> <turns to the two>
ChrisV and Bulbasaur: <look over to Pelipper>
Pelipper: .......
ChrisV and Bulbasaur: .......
Pelipper: <makes a really crazy and loud nonsense sound and flies away>
ChrisV: I like him already!
Bulbasaur: That's Pelipper. He always either says something random or makes a weird sound and flies off without looking back.
ChrisV: Awesome.
Bulbasaur: .....
ChrisV: Let's just say I'm a fan of random humor.
Bulbasaur: I'm sure you are...anyway, read up on that mail.
ChrisV: <reads letter> Um...he zaps three times...I HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM CATERPIE!!! PLEASE!!! WE NEED YOUR HELP!!! MAGNEMITE IS IN TROUBLE!!! A STRANGE ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE FLOWED THROUGH A PLACE AND IT STUCK TOGETHER MAGNEMITE AND MAGNEMITE!!! THAT ISN'T ENOUGH TO FORM A MAGNETON!!! IT'S NOT COMPLETE THE WAY IT IS NOW!!! PLEASE WE NEED HELP!!! ZAPPITY ZAPPITY ZAP!!! FROM MAGNEMITE'S FRIEND!!!
Bulbasaur: ...you really didn't have to yell.
ChrisV: <catches breath a little> ...but it was in all caps.
Bulbasaur: <facepalm> Let's just go.
Thunderwave Cave
Magnemite1: OH, YOU ARE HERE. MY FRIENDS ARE IN THIS CAVERN. MY FRIENDS
SHOULD BE ON B6F. PLEASE HELP THEM!
ChrisV: No prob, Robocop. lol
Magnemite2: JUST GET YOUR ASS IN THERE...
;
Bulbasaur: Next time you hear somebody talk funny, just shut the Dairy Queen up.
ChrisV:
5 floors of fighting later...
Thunderwave Cave B6F
ChrisV: Oh there you guys are! Come on, your friends are at the other end of the cave!
Magnemites: <nod and come with ChrisV and Bulbasaur out of the cave>
Magnemite2: AWESOME!!! WE CAN GO BINGE DRINKING AGAIN!!!
ChrisV: Thank god you're using your real voice now...
Bulbasaur: *Does this guy have any manners...*
Magnemite1: YAY BEER!!!
Magnemite2: YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!!
Magnemite4: Go on, give em a lil somethin somethin.
Magnemite3: Here, dude. <hands over 500Poke, Reviver Seed, and Rawst Berry>
ChrisV: Thanks, man. No problem. Come on, Bulbasaur. Let's head back home.
Bulbasaur: Don't make another sex joke.
ChrisV: Then don't tempt me.
Bulbasaur: <groan>
Team Awesome Base
Bulbasaur: Well that's another good deed for the day. How's about we hit up the booze and watch some football?
ChrisV: I'm a little more into video games, but okay.
Bulbasaur: Video games, eh? You know I'm the master of Mario Party, right?
ChrisV: I'd like to see you measure up to me. I pretty much spend hours upon hours playing video games and writing crazy fanfics.
Bulbasaur: O.O...um, okay.....why?
ChrisV: I like to.
Bulbasaur: ...
ChrisV: ...what?
Bulbasaur: Anyway, come on. Betcha can't beat me in 50 turns.
ChrisV: Oh, it's on.
50 Mario Party Turns Later
ChrisV: <ends up winning> OH YEAH, BABY!!! CHECK ME OUT!!! I'M ON TV, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!
Bulbasaur: AW, SON OF A BITCH!!!
ChrisV: Here's a little tip. Don't turn on Bonus Stars.
Bulbasaur: Well now that you owned me, what else should we do?
ChrisV: You think football's still on?
Note: The American kind of football, not the European kind.
Later That Night...
Dream Void
ChrisV: Um....did I reach the bonus level?
<garbled staticky shadow forms>
ChrisV: Woah...cool.
<dream ends>
Team Awesome Base
ChrisV: <wakes up> <yawns> Well that was cool. I usually don't get that many dreams.
<walks into the kitchen>
Kitchen
Bulbasaur: <cookin up some omlettes> Yo, Chris what's up?
ChrisV: Nothin much. You got crack in them omlettes?
Bulbasaur: <laughs> Nah, it's my homemade ones. You'd probably get crack omlettes in a dark alley in Pokemon Square.
After They Both Ate
ChrisV: By the way, what's Pokemon Square all about? That a city?
Bulbasaur: Yeah, but I don't know why they just called it "square" instead of "city" or at least "village".
ChrisV: CLUBS!? 8D
Bulbasaur: ....yeah, but we're not goin.
ChrisV: Aw...
Bulbasaur: Will you stop it already!? It's only been two days without women! I think you can survive a little longer!
ChrisV: Yeah, you're right. I just always wanted to see some-
Bulbasaur: There's 13 year olds watching.
ChrisV: Isn't this going to be on fanfiction.net or something?
Bulbasaur: ...oh yeah....nevermind.
ChrisV: Well why don't we?
Bulbasaur: Because, we might get in trouble with the bouncers, and they usually hire the bisexual ones.
ChrisV: Okay....weird....then, let's just see what they have there. I'm kinda bored anyway.
Bulbasaur: Kay.
Pokemon Square
Bulbasaur: Okay, so over there is Kangaskhan's Item Storage place...don't ask why she calls me "baby" or "honeybun"...
ChrisV: Why?
Bulbasaur: I SAID...anyway, way over there's the bank. Apparently, when you pass out, some people around here steal from you, so you lose all the Poke you got off the floor as well as some other stuff you had.
ChrisV: Bummer.
Bulbasaur: Oh, and don't go to the pond up north unless you have a reason to. Wishcash up there is pretty territorial.
ChrisV: 'Cause he's hopped up on crack?
Bulbasaur: That's my guess. And up over there is the store. I just told you that in case it wasn't obvious.
ChrisV: Yeah, I think that place would've been mistaken for a beauty shop...run by people who are really, really, REALLY gay.
Bulbasaur: Well you got the second part right, but they do their jobs pretty good. Just try not to let their accents get to you.
ChrisV: And for a minute I thought Butterfree was gay...
Bulbasaur:
*No fucking respect, I swear...*
ChrisV: <wanders off to Kangaskhan's Item Storage>
Bulbasaur:
!!! COME BACK HERE!!! <catches up with ChrisV>
ChrisV: <staring up at Kangaskahn seeing how little he is> ._. .....
Kangaskhan: Oh hi, honeybun! Who's your friend?
Bulbasaur: Please quit- oh him? He's Chris...and I think he figured out how small he is.
Kangaskhan: Aw, it's okay, dear. I'm not gonna hurt ya.
ChrisV: <snaps back to reality> <looks around and spots Kangaskhan's son>
Kangaskhan's Son: <stares back at ChrisV>
ChrisV: <waves hi>
Kangaskhan's Son: YOU'VE BEEN RICK ROLLED!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE, YOU PIECE OF KFC!!! 83
ChrisV: AWESOME! 8D
Kangaskhan: I like it when he does that.
<looks over to Bulbasaur half-seductively>
Anyway, Bulbasaur, how're you doing?
Bulbasaur: Just fine...
Kangskhan:
Kangashkan's Son: <does a seizuretastic breakdance in his mom's pouch somehow>
Kangskhan: <holds him in place> Not now, honey. Mommy's talking to daddy.
ChrisV: O_O;...
Bulbasaur: Um....it's not what you think? ......I was drunk.
Kangaskhan: No you werrren't...
Bulbasaur: ....nearly drunk.
Kangaskhan: That's better.
Bulbasaur: <flashes back> Okay, so I was at one of the clubs in town taking a load off after being paid to listen to Wishcash's daily babbling when all of a sudden...<flashback to club>
Bulbasaur: <drinkin up some Rollin Rock>
Kangaskhan: <looking a little sexier back then> Hey, baby.
Bulbasaur: <looks over> O.O.... <gulps beer> ....may I help you?
Kangaskhan: <giggle> It's okay. I don't bite. <sits down with him> So what led you here?
Bulbasaur: Wishcash kept yelling at me for no reason. Again.
Kangaskhan: Oh that old fart again? Honey, you probably need a better job, like doing inventory at the Keckleon Bros. Shop.
Bulbasaur: *Oh GOD no...* <flashes back inside of that flashback> Pretty lady, I've been there before, and it was no fun at all the first day.
<flashback to Keckleon Bros. Shop>
Keckleon: Oh hi, employee~! So you're the new hot- I MEAN new guy around here, right?
Bulbasaur: *Ugh...5 seconds and I'm already starting to have a heart attack...* Uh...yeah...
<backs away a little>
Note: I have absolutely no idea who the other guy is, so let's call him Chem.
Chem: <twirls(not kidding, twirls) into the room> OH HOW ADORABLE, YOU HAVE A BULBASAUR AS THE NEW GUY! X3
Bulbasaur: Um...my name's just Bulbasaur, sir.
Keckleon: Oh please, honey, just call us Keckleon and Chem.
Chem: We're brothers. That's where the shop name comes from. <giggle>
Bulbasaur: <shudder> U-um...I'll just go to my workstation. <aimlessly wanders off like 7 feet>
Keckleon: You're going the wrong way. It's this way, sweetie. Want me to show you?
Bulbasaur: O_O;!? ...uh....sure.... *If he sways his butt around, I'm going to pretend I'm sick or just make for the nearest restroom...* <follows Keckleon> *Whew...not a butt-swayer. Thank GOD.*
Keckleon: So have you had any other jobs?
Bulbasaur: Yeah, they were be- I mean good. *Damn transcript rules...I really hated it when my college-*
ChrisV: SHUT UP ALREADY!!!
<flashback explodes back to the scene in the present>
ChrisV: Okay, so you had a job at Keckleon Bros. Shop and you met Kangaskhan at a club. Good for you, and you guys probably did some things that involved the kid being born and marriage, which probably explains the bulb on the kid's back. DON'T MAKE A FLASHBACK CHAIN!
Bulbasaur: Oh, was I...sorry. Got the idea from watching Rocket Power. Don't ask.
ChrisV: I thought you guys didn't have tv.
Bulbasaur: Then how come there's cables and wires in places? <smug>
ChrisV: Touche...
Kangaskhan: So are you going to gimme a kiss, or are you going to help me with my income?
Bulbasaur: Can you refresh my memory a little? Are we married? I honestly can't remember since we were separated.
Kangaskhan: Yeah...we're married...how else does he have a bulb on his back?
<camera zooms in onto the little micro machine's back bulb>
Bulbasaur: Well I'm gonna go now so I don't form a li-
Kangaskhan: I was kidding, sweetie. I'm off-duty.
Bulbasaur: o.O?
Kangaskhan: <giggle>
Bulbasaur: Um...kay then...Chris, how's about we go somewhere else? <sees ChrisV isn't there and sees him follow a trail of sodas over to the Keckleon Bros. Shop> <chases after him> NO CHRIS, IT'S A TRAP!!!
ChrisV: No it's not! And I don't care if the Keckleon Bros. ARE gay, I needs me my soda!
<follows trail>
Bulbasaur: Okay fine. What do I care? Don't come crying to me if your anus hurts in the morning so much you seem to wobble like a retarded epileptic in a beach rave...but for some reason I'm coming with you.
ChrisV: Do what you want, just don't get raped. <smug>
Bulbasaur: Just drink your damn trail of soda...
ChrisV: <drinks the sodas up to the shop>
Keckleon and Chem: <bust out from behind the doors> SURPRISE!!!
ChrisV: <spits out all of his last soda all over them in shock>
Chem: Well that felt sexy. <seductively bends over> And what's your name, lil cutie?
ChrisV: ._. ...um....Chris....
Bulbasaur: <under his breath> I wasn't lying when I told you they were gay, dumbass.
ChrisV: It's not like I didn't BELIEVE you...
Chem: <picks up Chris and huggles him> Aw, you're just the sweetest lil Totodile in all of-
ChrisV: <bites Chem's arm>
Chem: OUCHIES!!! <drops ChrisV and hides behind Keckleon>
Bulbasaur: *Hmmm...maybe I can use him as a bodyguard...* <devilish smile>
Keckleon: Uh, pardon my brother. He likes to touch things.
ChrisV: Yeah, he's probably been to a lot of gay bars.
Bulbasaur: <snicker>
Keckleon: o.O? He hasn't been to a- ...anyway, have you two come to let Bulbasaur back in with us? We miss him.
ChrisV: You mean putting him in a leglock in the bathroom when he gets a promotion?
Bulbasaur: <about to burst out laughing>
Keckleon: NO! ...well I was thinking about it.
ChrisV: Like all the other guys you employ. I bet you turn invisible and kiss them and fondle them a little, butt pirate. Do that often in Moulin Rouge?
Bulbasaur: <cracks up and busts out laughing uncontrollably> <balances on his bulb>
Keckleon: Are you insulting me or giving me a complement, honey?
ChrisV: You decide, Ned Flanders.
Bulbasaur: <laughs even more uncontrollably>
Keckleon: <rolls eyes> Come on, Chem. Let's go. <walks back in the store>
Chem: <waves bye and winks>
ChrisV: <waves happily and quickly gives middle finger>
Chem: DAH-! <runs back in the store>
Bulbasaur: <still laughing uncontrollably> <starts to calm down and catch his breath after he falls off his bulb> Wh-where did you get that awesomeness...
ChrisV: My comedy idols.
Bulbasaur: <suddenly stops laughing> Who?
ChrisV: Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock, Seann William Scott, and others.
Bulbasaur: Not very biased, are you?
ChrisV: Not one bit.
Bulbsaur: <gets up> And here I thought Water-types usually have a cool personality.
Totodile: Aw, come on. Surely you expect Totodiles to be at least a LITTLE bit upbeat, don't you?
Bulbasaur: Well ya got me there...anyway now what?
Totodile: Why don't we visit that bank place?
Bulbasaur: I dunno, man....he can get a little creepy sometimes. He won't steal your money, though, he's just scary.
ChrisV: Yeah, whatever... <walks over to Felicity Bank>
Persian: Oh hello. New face...?
ChrisV: Yeah.
Persian: I'm Persian, and this is Felicity Bank. You store money here so you won't lose it if you faint from taking up a dangerous task like say....rescue missions...
ChrisV: ...have you been hearing about me and Bulbasaur or something?
Persian: No, but about the whole rescue team thing. Do you think the entire place is spying on you?
ChrisV: KIND of...
Bulbasaur: <runs over quickly> Look, he didn't mean anything by that, okay? He's just kinda awkward about how news is flying around about a rescue team saving people is in town.
Persian: Oh good...because I THOUGHT he was talking about people WIRETAPPING...
ChrisV: Hey hey hey...I don't like wiretapping either. Even if it were lesbians cybering, I wouldn't wiretap. I think I have better ways to spy on them having sex anyway.
Bulbasaur: .....
ChrisV: What?
Bulbasaur: Nothing it's....I don't know how to respond to that...
Persian: Well good...if you're not a WIRETAPPER...then you're alright. I'll warn you though, if you get into wiretapping I WILL try to kill you.
ChrisV: What about the people who ARE wiretapping? Why don't you track them down?
Persian: Because for now, I want to keep my nose clean. Suspicion can arise much quicker than you can expect, little one.
Bulbasaur: <shoves ChrisV aside> Okay okay, that's enough talking to Snape for now until we need to store some Poke, alright? Come on, let's get out of here before he thinks we look delicious or something... <walks away with ChrisV>
ChrisV: <whispers> Issues.
Bulbasaur: <shoves him again> SHUT UP!!! <looks back at Persian nervously until he stops looking at them leave> Dude, just don't go over to him unless you have a legitimate reason, okay?
ChrisV: Alright alright, fine...
Bulbasaur: ...by the way I forgot to mention. There's this Linking shop behind me and to the left.
What will go down at the link shop? How retarded will Paris Hilton get? WILL THE KETCHUP EVER REACH THE BURGER IN TIME!!!??? Stay tuned, because it gets even better with each one!
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