** This may evolve into a series of self-portraits.
The theme of this one was originally a projection of the cool, calculated confidence I wish I had. I need some balls, jesus.
I try not to draw myself so damn much.
There's a shit ton out there that's more interesting.
Long story short - in two years I realized I'm a completely shit (wannabe?)artist, and I'm never getting anywhere. Even good ones have trouble. So that's that.
Current projects are self-portraits of many sorts.
This one is one of many interpretations of myself. A bit truer to life than my longest-lived alter-ego - Violet (who is that impossibly odd-haired girl in most of my gallery.) I guess it's all kind of an exercise in becoming more comfortable with myself.
I try not to show it in my online interactions - but I'm extremely insecure and negative to all things about ME. The foremost of these issues being:
- Coping with severe depression and agoraphobia
- Low self-esteem:
*Very few friends
*Negative self-image
Probably one leads to all the others - which is to say, I was mercilessly teased by everyone from junior high onward for being ugly.
Beauty was never something I had any concept or opinion of until then. People and things were accepted as they came, on merit alone.
That kind of shit destroys self-esteem. And self-confidence is attractive, no?
Nobody likes a negative loser. ...At least nobody likes me, anyway. :E
I'm hoping as I become more comfortable with drawing myself, they'll begin to actually look like the physical me. And maybe I'll feel better about myself.
So here's to self-improvement. Better late than never.
PS. I'm actually almost proud of this. This is the largest improvement gap in ANY of my art.
